DVS Offerings

Thursday, Feb 27
12:02 AM

I Ain't No Holodeck Boy (DVS)

American Dad

Stan thinks that Steve and his friends spend too much time indoors playing video games. He wishes that the boys would go outside and have the kind of adventures in the woods that he had as a child. When Stan learns that the C.I.A. has a hologram deck that can simulate real environments, he drugs the boys and places them inside, making them think they have been left in the woods.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Honey, I'm Homeland (DVS)

American Dad

Stan goes undercover at an Occupy Wall Street rally and gets kidnapped by a group of radical leftists. The liberals subject Stan to horrific torture to re-educate him, but Stan escapes. After Stan returns home, Hayley notices Stan's odd behavior and fears that he may have been brainwashed.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Untitled Griffin Family History (DVS)

Family Guy

The Griffins get robbed; Peter narrates a chain of events in world history that explains the Griffin name.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Engagement Reaction, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Mrs. Wolowitz ends up in the hospital after Howard tells her he's marrying Bernadette. While there, Leonard stresses over Penny and Priya warming up to one another.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Skank Reflex Analysis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.

TV-14

5:02 AM

Pulled Groin Extrapolation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Attending a co-worker's wedding, Leonard and Amy (MAYIM BIALIK) get to know each other better, while Howard and Bernadette spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz!

TV-PG

6:02 AM

Wiggly Finger Catalyst, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Raj is upset he's the only one of the four guys who's not in a relationship, Penny sets out to find the perfect date, introducing him to Emily, a girl he can actually talk to!

TV-PG

9:02 AM

And the Kitty Kitty Spank Spank (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Max becomes smitten with an old stray cat that's been hanging around the apartment, Caroline tries to convince her they need to find it a better home. But just when they think they've found one, the cat's fate takes a turn.

TV-14

10:02 AM

And the Cronuts (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Max and Caroline start losing business to the new cronut craze (half-croissant, half-donut), they come up with their own trend: cake fries.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Girlfriend Experience (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Han asks Max and Caroline to convince a stripper to pretend to be his girlfriend when his mother visits from Korea.

TV-14

12:02 PM

And the Pastry Porn (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max applies to the Manhattan School of Pastry and bakes a tart for the entrance exam.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Parking Garage, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer lose their car in a mall parking garage.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Tape, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Elaine puts an erotic message on Jerry's tape recorder; George gets excited.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

One Where They're Up All Night, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica falls asleep during sex. Rachel argues with Tag. Ross and Joey get stranded on the roof.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One Where They All Turn Thirty, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One with the Truth About London, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler finds out who Monica really wanted to have sex with on the night they became lovers. Ross is furious after Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with Joey's Award, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey overreacts at a daytime drama awards show.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One with Rachel's Big Kiss, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reveals a titillating secret about her and a former sorority sister. Ross and Chandler compete for wedding tuxedos.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with Chandler's Dad, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler confronts his estranged cross-dressing father. Rachel gets into trouble driving Monica's Porsche.

TV-PG

Friday, Feb 28
12:02 AM

Rubberneckers (DVS)

American Dad

Stan and Francine go out to dinner and Francine catches Stan looking at another woman. Stan tells his co-workers that he got caught and the co-workers teach Stan about Rubbernecking, the art of checking out other woman on the sly.

TV-14

1:02 AM

News Glance with Genevieve Vavance (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley wants to save the world through investigative journalism so she becomes an intern for a local news reporter. The reporter turns out to be Roger, who gets ratings through sensationalized stories.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Brian Goes Back to College (DVS)

Family Guy

After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian gets a job at The New Yorker.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Rhinitis Revelation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.

TV-PG

4:02 AM

Isolation Permutation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.

TV-PG

5:02 AM

Speckerman Recurrance, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.

TV-14

9:02 AM

Yippie Kayak (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry must leave his family celebration on Christmas Eve to save Jake, Charles and Gina from a real Die Hard situation. Amy tries to prove that she is as tough as Rosa and Holt.

TV-14

10:02 AM

Hostage Situation (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Charles' ex-wife tries to interfere with his relationship with Genevieve. Amy asks Terry for a recommendation letter. Holt and Rose turn to Gina for help with a case.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Life After Death (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline learns that her childhood nanny passed away and brings Max with her to attend the funeral. But once there she discovers that the woman never spoke of Caroline to her own family.

TV-PG

12:02 PM

And the Big But (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max wants to be more than friends with her pastry school partner; Caroline remains attracted to her married teacher.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Subway, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

The friends encounter adventure on the subway.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Boyfriend Part 2, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine vie for time with his new friend, baseball player Keith Hernandez.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

One with Monica & Chandler's Wedding Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica remains blissfully unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with the Red Sweater, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel debates whether she should break the news to her baby's father.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One with the Videotape, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with the Halloween Party, The (DVS)

Friends

At Monica's Halloween party, Phoebe meets her twin sister's fiance and finds that she is attracted to him.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One with the Stripper, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel tells her belligerent father that she is pregnant with Ross' child.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with Monica's Boots, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler is angry when Monica buys expensive boots. Phoebe tries to get tickets to a Sting concert.

TV-PG

Saturday, Feb 29
12:02 AM

Boy Named Michael, A (DVS)

American Dad

Greg and Terry decide to adopt a ten-year-old Russian boy named Michael. At a party celebrating the decision, Roger is jealous of Greg and Terry's fabulous lifestyle of culture and sophistication. Roger rejects the Smith family as trashy and impersonates Michael, successfully integrating into his new home.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Blagsnarst: A Love Story (DVS)

American Dad

Roger has been acting incredibly needy and clingy with the family. He senses something in the air that is affecting his behavior but he can't tell where its coming from. Roger leads Francine to a forest where they find a crashed alien ship, with the alien still alive.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVS)

Years after resigning command of an elite military police unit, the nomadic, righter-of-wrongs Reacher is drawn back into the life he left behind when his friend and successor, Major Susan Turner is framed for espionage. Reacher will stop at nothing to prove her innocence and to expose the real perpetrators behind the killings of his former soldiers. Based on the novel by Lee Child.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Battleship (DVS)

When scientists discover a planet in a nearby galaxy capable of sustaining life, they attempt to communicate with its inhabitants who respond by paying Earth a visit. When the alien spacecraft crash lands in the Pacific, near the naval station off the coast of Hawaii, a battle for supremacy unfolds on the water.

TV-14

5:02 AM

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVS)

Years after resigning command of an elite military police unit, the nomadic, righter-of-wrongs Reacher is drawn back into the life he left behind when his friend and successor, Major Susan Turner is framed for espionage. Reacher will stop at nothing to prove her innocence and to expose the real perpetrators behind the killings of his former soldiers. Based on the novel by Lee Child.

TV-14

6:02 AM

Campaign, The (DVS)

When congressman Cam Brady commits a major, public faux pas before an election, two wealthy CEOs see an opportunity to gain influence over their North Carolina district by putting up their own candidate for the job. Their man is Marty Huggins, the naïve director of the local tourism center. At first, Marty is an improbable candidate, but with the help of his backers, a ruthless campaign manager and his family's political connections, he soon becomes a real threat to Cam's reelection.

TV-14

8:02 AM

House, The (DVS)

After Scott and Kate Johansen lose their daughter Alex's college fund, they become desperate to earn it back so she can pursue her dream of attending a university. With the help of their neighbor Frank, they decide to start an illegal casino in the basement of his house.

TV-14

9:02 AM

Campaign, The (DVS)

When congressman Cam Brady commits a major, public faux pas before an election, two wealthy CEOs see an opportunity to gain influence over their North Carolina district by putting up their own candidate for the job. Their man is Marty Huggins, the naïve director of the local tourism center. At first, Marty is an improbable candidate, but with the help of his backers, a ruthless campaign manager and his family's political connections, he soon becomes a real threat to Cam's reelection.

TV-14

4:02 PM

Karen Peralta (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

On his birthday, Jake plans to introduce Amy to his mother but is surprised by the appearance of his father. A new mandate involving body cams causes problems for Charles and Rose during a stakeout with Terry.

TV-14

5:02 PM

Oblivion (DVS)

Jack Harper is one of the last few drone repairmen stationed on Earth. Part of a massive operation to extract vital resources after decades of war with a terrifying threat known as the Scavs, Jack's mission is nearly complete. Living in and patrolling the skies from thousands of feet above, he is brought crashing down when he rescues a beautiful stranger from a downed spacecraft. Her arrival triggers a chain of events that forces him to question everything he knows and puts the fate of humanity in his hands.

TV-14

8:02 PM

Oblivion (DVS)

Jack Harper is one of the last few drone repairmen stationed on Earth. Part of a massive operation to extract vital resources after decades of war with a terrifying threat known as the Scavs, Jack's mission is nearly complete. Living in and patrolling the skies from thousands of feet above, he is brought crashing down when he rescues a beautiful stranger from a downed spacecraft. Her arrival triggers a chain of events that forces him to question everything he knows and puts the fate of humanity in his hands.

TV-14

10:02 PM

Jack Reacher (DVS)

After a gunman kills five people with just six shots, all of the evidence points to the suspect who is in custody. But when he is interrogated, the suspect claims his innocence and tells the police to "Get Jack Reacher!" Reacher sees the story on the news and comes to town in order to confirm the man's guilt, but instead turns up an unexpected enemy with a secret and a skill for violence.

TV-14

11:02 PM

Battleship (DVS)

When scientists discover a planet in a nearby galaxy capable of sustaining life, they attempt to communicate with its inhabitants who respond by paying Earth a visit. When the alien spacecraft crash lands in the Pacific, near the naval station off the coast of Hawaii, a battle for supremacy unfolds on the water.

TV-14

Sunday, Mar 1
1:03 AM

Jack Reacher (DVS)

After a gunman kills five people with just six shots, all of the evidence points to the suspect who is in custody. But when he is interrogated, the suspect claims his innocence and tells the police to "Get Jack Reacher!" Reacher sees the story on the news and comes to town in order to confirm the man's guilt, but instead turns up an unexpected enemy with a secret and a skill for violence.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVS)

Years after resigning command of an elite military police unit, the nomadic, righter-of-wrongs Reacher is drawn back into the life he left behind when his friend and successor, Major Susan Turner is framed for espionage. Reacher will stop at nothing to prove her innocence and to expose the real perpetrators behind the killings of his former soldiers. Based on the novel by Lee Child.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Holiday (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Prince Chauncley struggle to deal with their families over the holidays.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the Icing on the Cake (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Deke invites Max's friends over to his dumpster house, Caroline learns a big secret about his background.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Icing on the Cake (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When Deke invites Max's friends over to his dumpster house, Caroline learns a big secret about his background.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

7:03 PM

Blades of Glory (DVS)

Perhaps nowhere in sports is the marriage of athleticism and grace more evident than in the arena of world champion pairs figure skating--the lifts, the jumps, the routines. It's an elegant world, a rarefied universe, a noble place populated by the crème de la crème of skating elite. Well, it used to be. When the macho, swaggering Chazz Michael Michaels takes to the rink, he is the rock star of the arena, leaving a trail of thrashed ice and shrieking female fans in his wake. The only competitor who can match Michaels' scores is the driven former child prodigy, Jimmy MacElroy. Spotted as a youth executing triple lutzes on the frozen pond of an orphanage, MacElroy was whisked away to days of endless training, and now stands as the picture of poise, the personification of the highest ideals of the men's sport. Michaels and MacElroy have met in finals rounds before, but their latest head-to-head at the World Championships--when they tie for first--is more than either one can bear, and their longstanding rivalry erupts into a no-holds-barred fight. The ensuing brawl not only sets fire to the World Championship's helpless mascot, but lands both athletes in hot water: Chazz and Jimmy are called before the sport's governing board, stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport for life. Now, three-and-a-half years later, both men are still trying to find their way in a world without competitive skating. Michaels has devolved into a drunken party machine, skating as a costumed evil wizard in a kiddie ice review, and MacElroy has been banished to the shoe department of a chain sporting goods store. But then, inspiration (in the form of an over-friendly, former stalker of Jimmy's) strikes, and a loophole emerges. To skate again, all Chazz and Jimmy have to do is set aside their long festering hatred of one another and join forces--as the first male/male figure skating pair to compete in the history of the sport.

TV-14

Monday, Mar 2
1:03 AM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Help Wanted (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al lands an impressive new job. Prince Chauncley loses one of his favorite ducks.

TV-MA

4:03 AM

Internship (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Prince Chauncley gets an internship. Mikey makes some new friends.

TV-MA

5:03 AM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Help Wanted (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al lands an impressive new job. Prince Chauncley loses one of his favorite ducks.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

8:03 AM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the ATM (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max decides to break up with Deke now that she knows about his wealthy background.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Bedtime Stories (DVS)

Hotel handyman Skeeter Bronson's life is changed forever when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to mysteriously come true. When he tries to help his family by telling one outlandish tale after another, it's the kids' unexpected contributions that turn all of their lives upside down.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

And the ATM (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max decides to break up with Deke now that she knows about his wealthy background.

TV-14

6:03 PM

One Where Joey Dates Rachel, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel joins Joey for a night out in order to prepare him for a big date.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Secret Closet, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One Where Joey Tells Rachel, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey tells Rachel that he is in love with her.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One in Massapequa, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe brings her annoyingly upbeat boyfriend to the 35th anniversary of Monica and Ross' parents, who urge Ross and pregnant Rachel to pretend to be married.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Baby Shower, The (DVS)

Friends

During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's offer to move in to help with the child.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Rachel Is Late, The (DVS)

Friends

Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.

TV-PG

Tuesday, Mar 3
12:03 AM

Two for Tina (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

Jimmy Jr. is threatened when Tina starts dating a ballet dancer named Josh, and the two boys get into an epic dance-off for her heart.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Boopa-Dee Bappa Dee (DVS)

Family Guy

The Quahog 5 News reports an ongoing price war between airlines has led to extremely reduced fares. Lois takes advantage of the situation and purchases tickets to Italy for the family.

TV-14

2:03 AM

In Harmony's Way (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter and Quagmire both scream when a bee flies by and realize they harmonize well together. They start writing and singing songs in their spare time. Mort overhears them one day and is amazed by their talent. He offers to manage them since he used to have his own record label in the 70's.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Peter Problems (DVS)

Family Guy

Lately Peter hasn't been able to perform very well in the bedroom. So he asks Quagmire and Joe to step in and help him get his mojo back.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Brian's a Bad Father (DVS)

Family Guy

Brian receives a call from his son, Dylan Flannigan, who wants to reconnect with him. At first, Brian is hesitant to meet up, but changes his tune when he discovers Dylan is the star of a new television show.

TV-14

5:03 AM

3 Acts of God (DVS)

Family Guy

It's football season and the Patriots have just lost their tenth game in a row. A disgruntled Peter joins Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland at The Clam to drink and complain about their home team. Peter suddenly has an epiphany while watching the post-game show: the teams that defeat the Patriots consistently thank God for carrying them to victory.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Census of the Lambs, The (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley and Stan compete while collecting data for the US Census. Klaus inherits a camera and has Steve and his friends model for him.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Pez Dispenser, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

George worries over gaining the upper hand in his current romance.

TV-PG

11:03 AM

And the Married Man Sleepover (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline asks Max and Deke to join on her dinner date at Nicholas' loft to make sure she doesn't do anything she might regret. Caroline and Max also treat themselves to very special hair appointments.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Kilt Trip (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline tries to fit in with Max and the diner gang as they go out to get wild and crazy at the St. Patrick's Day parade but she finds herself longing to practice her former holiday traditions at the Plaza Hotel.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Good Samaritan, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry tracks down a hit-and-run driver, then wants to date her.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Parking Space, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry's car clanks after Elaine and George borrow it.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One Where Rachel Has a Baby Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One Where Emma Cries, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Sharks, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica fears Chandler has a sexual fetish involving sharks.

TV-14

9:03 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with Rachel's Other Sister, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel has a bone to pick with her self-centered sister on Thanksgiving.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One with Christmas in Tulsa, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica fears the worst when she learns Chandler will be spending Christmas in Tulsa working on a deadline with a beautiful co-worker.

TV-PG

Wednesday, Mar 4
12:03 AM

Scents and Sensei-bility (DVS)

American Dad

Steve and Snot are fed up with being bullied. When they enroll in a karate class, Snot is brainwashed by the sensei and it's Steve's mission to get him back. Meanwhile, Klaus develops a horrible odor and is forced to be an outside pet.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Now and Gwen (DVS)

American Dad

When Francine's sister Gwen comes to town, Hayley suspects she is up to no good. Meanwhile, Stan teaches Steve the art of hugging Aunt Gwen and Klaus shadows Roger's dramatic comments.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Patriot Games (DVS)

Family Guy

At his high school reunion, Peter pretends to be a millionaire, but the truth comes out when he meets Tom Brady and loses all self-control.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Propagation Proposition, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny's ex-boyfriend, Zack, and his wife want a baby, but when Zack is infertile, they ask Leonard to help. Raj attempts to mend things with his ex-fiancee, Anu.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Meteorite Manifestation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is thrilled to help Bernadette and Howard navigate bureaucratic paperwork, until he discovers they are breaking the law. Leonard is disappointed when his friends exclude him from a scientific project.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

D & D Vortex, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The gang finds out Wil Wheaton hosts a celebrity Dungeons and Dragons game involving William Shatner, Joe Manganiello, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Kevin Smith. Deception and betrayal are the path to make it to the one open seat.

TV-PG

6:03 AM

Music Festival (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Maggie go to a music festival. Prince Chauncley deals with a temperamental rock star.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

Music Festival (DVS)

Miracle Workers

Al and Maggie go to a music festival. Prince Chauncley deals with a temperamental rock star.

TV-MA

9:03 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Not Broke Parents (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

When the pastry school closes Deke has an idea of purchasing it, so he invites Caroline and Max to meet his parents, Max is tongue-tied until his mother confides in her about her secret past.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the New Lease on Life (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are forced to find the original tenant of their apartment when the lease expires and convince him to re-sign or else they will face eviction.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Trip Part 1, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and George search for Kramer in Los Angeles.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Bubble Boy, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry gets lost en route to visiting a sickly fan.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with Phoebe's Rats, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica invites Rachel's workplace rival to her birthday party; Joey flirts with Emma's new nanny; Phoebe and Mike take care of a litter of rats.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Blind Dates, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey and Phoebe conspire to send Rachel and Ross on disastrous blind dates.

TV-14

8:03 PM

One with the Boob Job, The (DVS)

Friends

Both Monica and Chandler secretly approach Joey for a loan; Phoebe invites Mike to move in with her; Rachel baby-proofs the apartment.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with the Lottery, The (DVS)

Friends

The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Soap Opera Party, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist to a rooftop Days of Our Lives party being thrown by Joey.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One with the Donor, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.

TV-PG

Thursday, Mar 5
12:03 AM

LGBSteve (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley is dying to be on a roller derby team, but they will only let her play if her "sister" Steve will play too. Meanwhile, a magical carpenter visits Stan and Francine and Roger runs the roller rink.

TV-14

1:03 AM

My Affair Lady (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley gets a job and starts to fall for a co-worker. Meanwhile, Stan chauffers Steve and Francine to a Mother-Son dance. Hayley is broke and gets an office job where she meets a cute co-worker named Ax. Klaus and Roger encourage her to have sex with Ax on an office retreat. Hayley is all for it until she finds out Ax is a married man. Hayley backs out when she sees he has a tattoo of Roger. Back at home, Stan steals Francine from Steve at the school dance and tries to make it up to him by letting them dance at home.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Sibling Rivalry (DVS)

Family Guy

After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Beta Test Initiation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Vacation Solution, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Werewolf Transformation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A change in Sheldon's routine forces him to re-evaluate his entire life, when his barber is sick. Meanwhile, Howard rethinks his decision to go into space after astronaut training.

TV-PG

6:03 AM

March 4, 2020 (DVS)

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

A talk show of Samantha Bee's nuanced, satirical view of political and cultural issues.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

March 4, 2020 (DVS)

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

A talk show of Samantha Bee's nuanced, satirical view of political and cultural issues.

TV-MA

9:03 AM

And the First Degree (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline helping Max earn her high-school diploma and reconnect with her estranged mother.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the DJ Face (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Old Bike Yarn (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Model Apartment (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Supermodels Lily Aldridge and Martha Hunt rent Max and Caroline's apartment for a fun girls' weekend.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Ticket, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Watch Part 2, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to buy back a discarded watch, a gift from his parents.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One in Barbados Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike is not yet out of the picture.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One Where Ross Is Fine, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. cannot cope with his precocious triplets.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Cake, The (DVS)

Friends

An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with Ross's Grant, The (DVS)

Friends

When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Late Thanksgiving, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica prepares a Thanksgiving feast for the gang, then becomes enraged when everyone shows up late; Phoebe convinces Rachel to enter Emma in a baby beauty contest.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.

TV-PG

Friday, Mar 6
12:03 AM

Manhattan Magical Murder Mystery Tour (DVS)

American Dad

Francine is up for an award for her lonely housewife novel, so the family heads to New York for the ceremony. Meanwhile, Stan and Hayley hang out with actor Robert Wuhl, and Steve and Roger recreate their Wheels and the Legman personas.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Holy S***, Jeff's Back! (DVS)

American Dad

Jeff returns from space. Or does he? Meanwhile, Steve watches after Snot's hamster.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Peterotica (DVS)

Family Guy

After reading an erotic novel, Peter decides to write one of his own and gets Carter to publish it.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Hawking Excitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon has a chance to meet his hero, STEPHEN HAWKING.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Launch Acceleration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Date Night Variable, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

On the sixth season premiere, Howard discovers that he can't escape his mother -- even in space! Back on earth, meanwhile, Raj turns his existence as a third wheel into an art form.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Higgs Boson Observation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy's nervous when Sheldon hires Alex, a female assistant.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Adrian Pimento (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake isn't sure what to think when an unstable detective returns to the Nine-Nine after being under cover for years. The precinct's custodian takes issue with Charles' rebellious behavior; Holt asks Gina to direct a video.

TV-14

9:03 AM

Paranoia (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa asks Jake to help change Terry's mind about her new relationship. Adrian Pimento suspects someone from his past is out to get him.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Bureau, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Capt. Holt enlists an old friend in the FBI for help with a difficult heist. Terry and Gina find out there's an information leak in the Nine-Nine.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And a Loan for Christmas (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Past and the Furious (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline is shocked when she receives a Lamborghini for her birthday, which her father ordered for her four years ago. Meanwhile, Oleg plans something special for Sophie.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Opera, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Unaware her beau is a mad stalker, Jerry takes Elaine to the opera.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Contest, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine vie at self-denial.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with Phoebe's Wedding, The (DVS)

Friends

A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with Princess Consuela, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel goes to a job interview at a restaurant and winds up sitting next to her current boss. Joey feels abandoned because Monica and Chandler are leaving.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with Rachel's Going Away Party (DVS)

Friends

One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

Last One Part 2, The (DVS)

Friends

The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

Worst. Hot Sauce. Ever (DVS)

Hot Ones: The Game Show

Two comic book guys take on two twerkin' besties who live by the motto "Eat, pray, twerk." The mighty "Constrictor Sauce" knocks the comic book guys to their knees, but they continue to fight for justice…and $25,000! Can their pure will be enough to stop their opponents from twerking their way to victory?

11:03 PM

Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth (DVS)

American Dad

When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.

TV-14

Saturday, Mar 7
12:03 AM

We're the Millers (DVS)

A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Life Aquatic with Steve Smith, The (DVS)

American Dad

Steve joins the high school water polo team in order to get girls. Meanwhile, Roger and Stan get a boat.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Vacation (DVS)

The next generation of Griswolds is at it again! Following in his father's footsteps and hoping for some much-needed family bonding, a grown-up Rusty Griswold surprises his wife, Debbie, and their two sons with an ill-fated cross-country trip back to America's favorite family fun park, Walley World, before it closes forever.

TV-14

3:03 AM

We're the Millers (DVS)

A drug dealer creates a make-believe family in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Vacation (DVS)

The next generation of Griswolds is at it again! Following in his father's footsteps and hoping for some much-needed family bonding, a grown-up Rusty Griswold surprises his wife, Debbie, and their two sons with an ill-fated cross-country trip back to America's favorite family fun park, Walley World, before it closes forever.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Huntsman: Winter's War, The (DVS)

Eric and his fellow warrior Sara try to conceal their forbidden love as they fight to protect Freya in the war against her queen sister Ravenna.

TV-14

9:03 AM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

11:03 AM

Huntsman: Winter's War, The (DVS)

Eric and his fellow warrior Sara try to conceal their forbidden love as they fight to protect Freya in the war against her queen sister Ravenna.

TV-14

3:03 PM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

5:03 PM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

6:03 PM

Huntsman: Winter's War, The (DVS)

Eric and his fellow warrior Sara try to conceal their forbidden love as they fight to protect Freya in the war against her queen sister Ravenna.

TV-14

8:03 PM

Snow White and the Huntsman (DVS)

Snow White is the only person in the land fairer than the evil queen out to destroy her. But what the wicked ruler never imagined is that the young woman threatening her reign has been training in the art of war with a huntsman dispatched to kill her.

TV-14

10:03 PM

Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (DVS)

A few years back, venture capitalist John Hammond figured out how to recreate dinosaurs from DNA fragments encased in ember. He started a company called InGen, which placed the genetically engineered dinosaurs in a theme park on an island in Costa Rica. But the Jurassic Park systems broke down shortly before it could open, the dinosaurs got free and had to be destroyed, and the island was closed to the public. In the aftermath, everyone involved moved quickly to quash the story. InGen wanted to limit its liability. The Costa Rican government wanted to preserve its reputation as a tourist paradise. And the individual scientists who had been hired as consultants on the project were bound by the nondisclosure agreement to remain silent. But as Dr. Ian Malcolm is about to find out something has survived.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

Jurassic Park III (DVS)

Anxious to fund research for his new theory of velociraptor intelligence, renowned paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant is persuaded by wealthy adventurer Paul Kirby and his wife Amanda to accompany them on an aerial tour of Isla Sorna. This infamous island, once InGen's site B, has become both a primordial breeding ground for John Hammond's magnificent creations and a magnet for thrill-seekers eager to encounter them. When a tragic accident maroons the party of seven, Grant discovers the true reason his deceptive hosts have invited him along. In their perilous attempt to escape, the dwindling group encounters terrifying new creatures undisclosed by InGen and Grant is forced to learn the dreadful implications of his raptor intelligence theory firsthand.

TV-PG

Sunday, Mar 8
1:03 AM

Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (DVS)

A few years back, venture capitalist John Hammond figured out how to recreate dinosaurs from DNA fragments encased in ember. He started a company called InGen, which placed the genetically engineered dinosaurs in a theme park on an island in Costa Rica. But the Jurassic Park systems broke down shortly before it could open, the dinosaurs got free and had to be destroyed, and the island was closed to the public. In the aftermath, everyone involved moved quickly to quash the story. InGen wanted to limit its liability. The Costa Rican government wanted to preserve its reputation as a tourist paradise. And the individual scientists who had been hired as consultants on the project were bound by the nondisclosure agreement to remain silent. But as Dr. Ian Malcolm is about to find out something has survived.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Cinderella (DVS)

After her father unexpectedly dies, young Ella finds herself at the mercy of her cruel stepmother and stepsisters, who reduce her to scullery maid. Despite her circumstances, she refuses to despair. An invitation to a palace ball gives Ella hope that she might reunite with the dashing stranger she met in the woods, but her stepmother prevents her from going. Help arrives in the form of a kindly beggar woman who has a magic touch for ordinary things.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Cinderella (DVS)

After her father unexpectedly dies, young Ella finds herself at the mercy of her cruel stepmother and stepsisters, who reduce her to scullery maid. Despite her circumstances, she refuses to despair. An invitation to a palace ball gives Ella hope that she might reunite with the dashing stranger she met in the woods, but her stepmother prevents her from going. Help arrives in the form of a kindly beggar woman who has a magic touch for ordinary things.

TV-PG

8:03 AM

And the Great Unwashed (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline learn that one of their customers at the diner is a successful photographer who is keeping a secret.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the Crime Ring (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are arrested for breaking into a cute guy's apartment to retrieve some rings Caroline left there after she spent the night.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Great Unwashed (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline learn that one of their customers at the diner is a successful photographer who is keeping a secret.

TV-14

1:03 PM

One with the East German Laundry Detergent, The (DVS)

Friends

While Phoebe and Chandler end their respective romantic relationships, Rachel and Ross do laundry together on their first date.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

One Where Eddie Won't Go, The (DVS)

Friends

Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross struggles to maintain a long-distance relationship. Chandler tries to get a date for Rachel. Monica schemes to establish authority at her new restaurant job.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One with All the Wedding Dresses, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reacts drastically to Ross' engagement. Chandler becomes exasperated by Joey's snoring.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

Miss Congeniality (DVS)

After botching up an undercover assignment involving Russian mobsters, less-than-graceful FBI Agent Gracie Hart is placed on desk duty. However, when a terrorist, known only as The Citizen, threatens to disrupt the Miss America pageant, Gracie, unfortunately, is the only agent attractive enough to go undercover posing as Miss New Jersey.

TV-PG

Monday, Mar 9
12:03 AM

Wonder Woman (DVS)

Before she was Wonder Woman, she was Diana, princess of the Amazons: trained to be a warrior. An American pilot crashes on their shores and tells of a massive conflict raging in the outside world, Diana leaves her home to stop the threat.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Wonder Woman (DVS)

Before she was Wonder Woman, she was Diana, princess of the Amazons: trained to be a warrior. An American pilot crashes on their shores and tells of a massive conflict raging in the outside world, Diana leaves her home to stop the threat.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Miss Congeniality (DVS)

After botching up an undercover assignment involving Russian mobsters, less-than-graceful FBI Agent Gracie Hart is placed on desk duty. However, when a terrorist, known only as The Citizen, threatens to disrupt the Miss America pageant, Gracie, unfortunately, is the only agent attractive enough to go undercover posing as Miss New Jersey.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Pick, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Elaine sends out a revealing photo of herself in Christmas cards.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One with the Sonogram, The (DVS)

Friends

Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One with George Stephanopoulos, The (DVS)

Friends

While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with the Butt, The (DVS)

Friends

Joey gets a film role as a stand-in for Al Pacino's butt. Ross tries to be less conservative. Chandler has an affair with a married woman.

TV-14

7:03 PM

One Where the Nana Dies Twice, The (DVS)

Friends

When Ross and Monica's grandmother dies, the whole gang attends the funeral service. Chandler questions his sexual persona when a co-worker wants to arrange a date for him with another guy.

TV-14

8:03 PM

N.S.A. (No Snoops Allowed) (DVS)

American Dad

Steve goes to work with Stan and discovers the N.S.A. Hayley decides to let go of being a vegetarian and eat meat for one day.

TV-14

9:03 PM

Kiss Kiss, Cam Cam (DVS)

American Dad

Stan gets Francine baseball tickets for her birthday but is upset when they have a horrible kiss on the kiss cam. Steve and Roger head to Nevada to help clean polluted water.

TV-14

10:03 PM

Boyz 4 Now (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

While accompanying Tina to a "Boyz 4 Now" concert, Louise develops a crush on one of the lead singers, Boo Boo - and is in disbelief that she actually likes a boy! Meanwhile, Gene gets creative - and slightly offensive - in a table-setting competition.

TV-14

11:03 PM

Unnatural, The (DVS)

Bob's Burgers

After Gene loses his confidence at his baseball game, Linda decides to sign him up for baseball camp. The only problem is, she needs money to pay for it! Meanwhile, Tina discovers her love for espresso and becomes a caffeine addict.

TV-14

Tuesday, Mar 10
12:03 AM

Fresh Heir (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter breaks his promise to take Chris on a fishing trip, leaving Chris feeling rejected. Lois suggests he spend more time with Carter, who has a broken leg and needs someone to take care of him.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Herpe the Love Sore (DVS)

Family Guy

Stewie is fascinated by the blood oath in The Outlaw Josey Wales and begs Brian to perform the same ritual with him. After some nagging, Brian finally relents. They cut their palms and firmly shake hands, thus becoming blood brothers. The next morning, Stewie wakes up to find his lip has broken out with herpes sores.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Baby Got Black (DVS)

Family Guy

Chris hits it off with Pam, a black girl from school who happens to be Jerome's daughter. Jerome doesn't approve because he thinks Chris is just interested in sex.

TV-14

3:03 AM

He's Bla-ack! (DVS)

Family Guy

With the Brown family moving back to Quahog, it looks like the old gang is reunited. But Peter's friendship with Cleveland is quickly put on hold when Donna and Lois butt heads over different parenting styles, and forbid them to see each other.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Book of Joe (DVS)

Family Guy

With Peter's urging, Joe publishes his first children's book; but his lack of stage presence prompts Joe's publisher to ask Peter to become the face of the book.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Mural of the Story, The (DVS)

American Dad

Hayley becomes a town outcast after Stan ruins a town mural. Steve attends clown school.

TV-14

6:03 AM

Visa, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

A deportee blames helpful Jerry; Kramer returns from baseball fantasy camp.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Conan 101362 (DVS)

Conan

The biggest celebrities, the craziest sketches and Andy Richter to boot? Yes, some would say Conan O'Brien's talk show has everything a late night viewer could want.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the Cupcake Captives (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Sophie's wedding is interrupted by a hostage situation. Meanwhile, Max and Caroline's cupcake business gets some unwanted attention when a tenant who is wearing one of their company's T-shirts is arrested.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Zero Tolerance (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline get second jobs as a pastry chef and a hostess at a trendy restaurant to help pay off their bank loan.

TV-14

3:03 PM

Shoes, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and George struggle to keep their idea for a TV series alive.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Implant, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Elaine says Jerry's girlfriend has implants so he dumps her.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One with the Monkey, The (DVS)

Friends

The friends promise to celebrate New Year's Eve without dates but soon all their plans change. Ross gets a pet monkey.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with the Dozen Lasagnas, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel's Italian boyfriend tries to seduce Phoebe. Rachel accidentally reveals a secret to Ross. Monica's aunt refuses to take the lasagnas she ordered from Monica.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Candy Hearts, The (DVS)

Friends

On Valentine's Day, Ross meets his ex-wife while on his first date in nine years. The girls rebel by burning mementos of past relationships.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with Two Parts Part 1, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with All the Poker, The (DVS)

Friends

The women lose money in a poker game with the men. After getting advice from a champion card player, they demand a rematch.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the Evil Orthodontist, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel reunites with her duplicitous ex-fiance. Chandler agonizes about a woman who doesn't call him after the first date.

TV-14

11:03 PM

Stan-Dan Deliver (DVS)

American Dad

Roger becomes a teacher at Steve's school and gets involved with a class of underprivileged kids. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine visit a retirement home and Stan decides to stay.

TV-14

Wednesday, Mar 11
12:03 AM

Two Hundred, The (DVS)

American Dad

Stan, tattooed and haunted, travels a barren Langley Falls alone. Meanwhile, a mysterious element known as The Two Hundred has reigned terror on the town and separated Stan from his family.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Stewie B. Goode Part 1 (DVS)

Family Guy

Stewie gets homicidal during swimming lessons; Stewie takes up drinking.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Inspiration Deprivation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy has a meltdown due to the pressure associated with winning a Nobel Prize. Raj and Howard try to relive the good old days after Howard buys a scooter that looks like the one he had years ago.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Plagiarism Schism, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Kripke has proof that Dr. Pemberton plagiarized his thesis in college, and Sheldon and Amy aren't sure they should turn him in or not. Howard is happily surprised to learn that Bernie wasn't the only waitress at the Cheesecake Factory who had a crush on him back in the day.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Change Constant, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy and Sheldon wait for the news. Howard and Bernadette leave their kids. Leonard and Penny keep a secret.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Conan 101363 (DVS)

Conan

The biggest celebrities, the craziest sketches and Andy Richter to boot? Yes, some would say Conan O'Brien's talk show has everything a late night viewer could want.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Impractical Jokers (DVS)

Four longtime friends compete to embarrass each other with a series of hilarious dares. If they refuse, they lose. At the end, the big loser must endure an epic punishment.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the High Hook-Up (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max pursues a handsome new coworker at the restaurant, despite the owner's "no hook-up" rule.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Look of the Irish (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline try to get work for Nash as a model in an effort to make some extra money acting as his managers. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg attempt to remain celibate for 30 days before their wedding.

TV-14

3:03 PM

Junior Mint, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Visitors Kramer and Jerry think they killed a surgery patient.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Pilot Part 2, The (DVS)

Seinfeld

Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One with the Ick Factor, The (DVS)

Friends

Monica finds out more than she wants to know about her latest love. Chandler's friends at work treat him differently since his promotion. Ross' ex-wife begins giving birth.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One Where Rachel Finds Out, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel finds out about Ross' secret love for her but another surprise awaits her.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Breast Milk, The (DVS)

Friends

Phoebe unwittingly disgusts everybody. Joey competes with a fellow salesman.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with Phoebe's Husband, The (DVS)

Friends

Everyone is surprised when Phoebe's husband shows up.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with the Baby on the Bus, The (DVS)

Friends

Matt and Chandler try to attract women with baby Ben. Phoebe gets terminated from her singing job and replaced by a professional, Stephanie.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with the List, The (DVS)

Friends

Rachel makes a painful discovery concerning Ross. Monica's new boss gives her an impossible task.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

Dentist's Wife, The (DVS)

American Dad

Roger loses his identity after becoming fascinated by a local dentist's wife. Meanwhile, Klaus throws a party when Stan and the kids are unable to move from being sore after working out.

TV-14

Thursday, Mar 12
12:03 AM

Nova Centauris-burgh Board of Tourism Presents: American Dad, The (DVS)

American Dad

Francine joins in on Steve and his pals' live-action role-playing game. Stan opens a knock-off Seaworld in the house.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure Part 3 (DVS)

Family Guy

Stewie is unhappy with the man he will become.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Holographic Excitation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The gang celebrates Halloween at Stuart's comic book store. Meanwhile Leonard and Penny discover a new spark in their relationship when he seduces her with science.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Extract Obliteration, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon's friendship with renowned scientist STEPHEN HAWKING is threatened by a game of "Words with Friends," while Penny secretly enrolls in a class at the local college.

TV-14