DVS Offerings

Friday, Feb 23
12:02 AM

Cadillac Part 1, The

Seinfeld

Jerry surprises his parents (Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan) with a new Cadillac.

TV-PG

1:02 AM

Shower Head, The

Seinfeld

Jerry jokes about his uncle on television; Elaine fails a drug test; guest Jay Leno.

TV-PG

2:02 AM

Viewing Party Combustion, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

During a group get-together, a minor argument between Sheldon and Leonard turns into a heated debate, leaving the rest of the gang to choose sides.

TV-PG

3:02 AM

Cadillac Part 1, The

Seinfeld

Jerry surprises his parents (Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan) with a new Cadillac.

TV-PG

4:02 AM

Shower Head, The

Seinfeld

Jerry jokes about his uncle on television; Elaine fails a drug test; guest Jay Leno.

TV-PG

5:02 AM

Episode 81129

Conan

Guests: Kumail Nanjiani, Van Jones, Judah & The Lion

TV-14

6:02 AM

Serve & Protect (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry's ex replaces Teddy in evaluating the precinct, but Jake and Rosa are distracted by a burglary case that occurred on the set of their favorite detective show, leading the pair to pass time with the series star and producer, who meddle in the case and charm Jake with the glamour of show business.

TV-14

7:02 AM

Moo Moo (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry wants to file an official complaint against a police officer who stopped him while he was off-duty in his own neighborhood, but Capt. Holt has other ideas. Jake and Amy get a glimpse into the difficulties of parenthood and answer some tough questions when they babysit Terry's kids.

TV-14

8:02 AM

Episode 81129

Conan

Guests: Kumail Nanjiani, Van Jones, Judah & The Lion

TV-14

9:02 AM

Serve & Protect (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry's ex replaces Teddy in evaluating the precinct, but Jake and Rosa are distracted by a burglary case that occurred on the set of their favorite detective show, leading the pair to pass time with the series star and producer, who meddle in the case and charm Jake with the glamour of show business.

TV-14

10:02 AM

Moo Moo (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry wants to file an official complaint against a police officer who stopped him while he was off-duty in his own neighborhood, but Capt. Holt has other ideas. Jake and Amy get a glimpse into the difficulties of parenthood and answer some tough questions when they babysit Terry's kids.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the First Degree (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline helping Max earn her high-school diploma and reconnect with her estranged mother.

TV-14

12:02 PM

And the DJ Face (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max is mortified when she learns the hot guy she's been spending time with is a deejay at a grocery store.

TV-14

1:02 PM

Separation Anxiety

King of Queens, The

Doug and Carrie have different opinions about Deacon and Kelly's separation and share them with each other.

TV-PG

2:02 PM

Departure Time

King of Queens, The

Doug's parents ask him to sign their living will.

TV-PG

3:02 PM

Friar's Club, The

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to join the Friars Club; a new co-worker causes more work for Elaine.

TV-PG

4:02 PM

One with Ross's Thing, The

Friends

Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

One at the Beach, The

Friends

The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

Friar's Club, The

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to join the Friars Club; a new co-worker causes more work for Elaine.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with Ross's Thing, The

Friends

Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.

TV-PG

8:02 PM

One at the Beach, The

Friends

The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with the Cat, The

Friends

Phoebe thinks her adoptive mother's spirit inhabits a stray cat. Joey's attempt to sell his entertainment center proves hazardous.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One with the Ballroom Dancing, The

Friends

Joey makes an odd deal with the building superintendent to prevent him from evicting Rachel and Monica. Phoebe wants to date her sexy massage client.

TV-PG

11:02 PM

One with the Dirty Girl, The

Friends

Ross' beautiful new girlfriend has a disgusting secret. Chandler becomes more familiar with Joey's girlfriend.

TV-PG

Saturday, Feb 24
12:02 AM

Your Honor (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain Holt's mom seeks support from the precinct after her house is robbed. Terry, Rosa and Boyle remodel the break room, and Amy teaches Gina how to change her car tire.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Ricky Spanish

American Dad

Roger makes amends for the trouble he caused after he adopted a sociopathic persona; Stan and Fran get an unexpected visit from a Nigerian man whom they aided through a relief organization.

TV-14

2:02 AM

German Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

Herbert warns Chris that the kind old German puppeteer Chris has befriended is a Nazi war criminal.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Your Honor (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain Holt's mom seeks support from the precinct after her house is robbed. Terry, Rosa and Boyle remodel the break room, and Amy teaches Gina how to change her car tire.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Step Brothers (DVS)

Brennan Huff, a sporadically employed thirty-nine-year-old, lives with his mother, Nancy. Dale Doback, a terminally unemployed forty-year-old lives with his father, Robert. When Robert and Nancy marry and move in together, Brennan and Dale are forced to live with each other as step brothers. As their narcissism and downright aggressive laziness threaten to tear the family apart, these two middle-aged, immature, overgrown boys will orchestrate an insane, elaborate plan to bring their parents back together. To pull it off, they must form an unlikely bond that maybe, just maybe, will finally get them out of the house.

TV-14

6:02 AM

Team America: World Police

When Team America, an international police force dedicated to maintaining global stability, learns that a power-hungry dictator is brokering weapons of mass destruction to terrorists, the heroes embark upon a harrowing mission to save the world. To infiltrate the terrorist network, Team America recruits Gary Johnston, a rising star on Broadway, to go undercover. Although initially reluctant to sacrifice his promising career, Gary realizes that his acting gift is needed for a higher cause. With the help of Team America leader Spotswoode and fellow members Chris, Sarah, Lisa and Joe, Gary slips into an arms dealer's hideout where he discovers that the terrorists' plot has already begun to unfold. From the pyramids of Cairo to the Panama Canal and finally to the palace of power-mad dictator Kim Jong-Il, Team America criss-crosses the globe on a desperate mission to preserve the very fabric of civilization.

TV-MA

7:02 AM

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (DVS)

San Diego's top television news anchor faces unexpected competition from a woman.

TV-14

8:02 AM

Warm Bodies

After a zombie epidemic, an unusual zombie name R rescues a human survivor named Julie from a zombie attack. Julie sees that R is different from the other zombies, and as the two form a special relationship in their struggle for survival, R becomes increasingly more human setting off an exciting, romantic and often comical chain of events that begins to transform the other zombies and maybe even the whole lifeless world.

TV-14

9:02 AM

Team America: World Police

When Team America, an international police force dedicated to maintaining global stability, learns that a power-hungry dictator is brokering weapons of mass destruction to terrorists, the heroes embark upon a harrowing mission to save the world. To infiltrate the terrorist network, Team America recruits Gary Johnston, a rising star on Broadway, to go undercover. Although initially reluctant to sacrifice his promising career, Gary realizes that his acting gift is needed for a higher cause. With the help of Team America leader Spotswoode and fellow members Chris, Sarah, Lisa and Joe, Gary slips into an arms dealer's hideout where he discovers that the terrorists' plot has already begun to unfold. From the pyramids of Cairo to the Panama Canal and finally to the palace of power-mad dictator Kim Jong-Il, Team America criss-crosses the globe on a desperate mission to preserve the very fabric of civilization.

TV-MA

10:02 AM

Ray's Ring

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray loses his wedding ring during a business trip.

TV-PG

11:02 AM

Hot off the Grill

Married with Children

In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy treats Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an old-fashioned barbecue, Bundy style.

TV-PG

12:02 PM

Sno Job

King of Queens, The

Doug helps his cousin get a job; Arthur joins a film focus-group.

TV-PG

1:02 PM

Ray's Ring

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray loses his wedding ring during a business trip.

TV-PG

2:02 PM

Hot off the Grill

Married with Children

In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy treats Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an old-fashioned barbecue, Bundy style.

TV-PG

3:02 PM

Sno Job

King of Queens, The

Doug helps his cousin get a job; Arthur joins a film focus-group.

TV-PG

4:02 PM

Jack and Jill

Jack Sadelstein is a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife and kids, who dreads one event each year: the Thanksgiving visit of his identical twin sister Jill. Jill's neediness and passive-aggressiveness is maddening to Jack, turning his normally tranquil life upside down.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Step Brothers (DVS)

Brennan Huff, a sporadically employed thirty-nine-year-old, lives with his mother, Nancy. Dale Doback, a terminally unemployed forty-year-old lives with his father, Robert. When Robert and Nancy marry and move in together, Brennan and Dale are forced to live with each other as step brothers. As their narcissism and downright aggressive laziness threaten to tear the family apart, these two middle-aged, immature, overgrown boys will orchestrate an insane, elaborate plan to bring their parents back together. To pull it off, they must form an unlikely bond that maybe, just maybe, will finally get them out of the house.

TV-14

6:02 PM

Change-Up, The (DVS)

Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate, Sabrina, and Mitch's estranged father. With time not on their side, Mitch and Dave struggle to avoid completely destroying each other's lives before they can find a way to get their old ones back.

TV-14

7:02 PM

Wild Enough to Do It Doggystyle

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Kelly Osbourne shows us how to do it the UK Way, Snoop channels his inner soul singer and hosts a new morning show with Regis Philbin, and gangtsa knowledge is tested. A dental hygienist and a football coach spin the wheels for a shot at $25,000.

TV-14

8:02 PM

One Where They're Going to Party!, The

Friends

The guys try to be spontaneous and wild. After Monica gives a bad restaurant review, she receives a new career opportunity. Rachel's boss offers her a promotion.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with the Embryos, The

Friends

Phoebe finds out whether she is pregnant or not. A simple challenge escalates into a full-blown contest between the guys and the women.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One with Joey's Dirty Day, The

Friends

Charlton Heston finds Joey in a compromising position during a movie shoot. Rachel regrets asking Ross for a favor.

TV-14

11:02 PM

Bottle Deposit Part 1, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.

TV-PG

Sunday, Feb 25
12:02 AM

Wait Out, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine anticipate dating soon-to-be-single friends (Cary Elwes, Debra Messing).

TV-PG

1:02 AM

Conjugal Conjecture, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

In the Season 10 premiere, the gang deals with the awkward aftermath of an overnight liaison between Sheldon's mother and Leonard's father. Meanwhile, Penny's dysfunctional family is in town for the wedding, including her neurotic mom and drug dealer brother.

TV-PG

2:02 AM

Bottle Deposit Part 1, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.

TV-PG

3:02 AM

Wait Out, The

Seinfeld

Jerry and Elaine anticipate dating soon-to-be-single friends (Cary Elwes, Debra Messing).

TV-PG

4:02 AM

Conjugal Conjecture, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

In the Season 10 premiere, the gang deals with the awkward aftermath of an overnight liaison between Sheldon's mother and Leonard's father. Meanwhile, Penny's dysfunctional family is in town for the wedding, including her neurotic mom and drug dealer brother.

TV-PG

5:02 AM

Dependence Transcendence, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard and Leonard are putting in late nights at work and Sheldon is having trouble keeping up; Raj and a pregnant Bernadette spend a day together; and Penny and Amy take in a faculty party.

TV-PG

6:02 AM

Hot Tub Contamination, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy and Sheldon's live-in relationship may be in the toilet after he accuses her of not following the bathroom schedule. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette's secret stay-cation is interrupted by interfering interlopers who are sneaking into their hot tub.

TV-PG

7:02 AM

Boat, The

Detour, The

With Robin out of work, its Nate's turn to earn-- on an Alaskan factory fishing trawler. But it's only 7 months of rotting fish, meth fumes, and family separation. What could go wrong?

TV-MA

8:02 AM

Halle Berry vs. James Corden and Usher vs. Anthony Anderson

Drop the Mic

Welcome to Drop The Mic, where celebrities go head-to-head in a rap battle you never knew you wanted to see. Tonight - James Corden takes on Halle Berry and Usher faces funnyman Anthony Anderson in a lyrical duel. No matter who wins - it's gonna get personal.

TV-14

9:02 AM

And the Old Bike Yarn (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline takes an abandoned bicycle to start a delivery service for their cupcake business but soon discovers that Max doesn't know how to ride one.

TV-14

10:02 AM

Knocked Up (DVS)

Alison Scott is an up-and-coming entertainment journalist whose 24-year-old life is on the fast track. But it gets seriously derailed when a drunken one-nighter with slacker Ben Stone results in an unwanted pregnancy. Faced with the prospect of going it alone or getting to know the baby's father, Alison decides to give the lovable doof a chance. An overgrown kid who has no desire to settle down, Ben learns that he has a big decision to make with his kid's mom-to-be: will he hit the road or stay in the picture! Courting a woman you've just knocked up, however, proves to be a little difficult when the two try their hands at dating. As they discover more about one another, it becomes painfully obvious that they're not the soul mates they'd hoped they might be. With Alison's harried sister Debbie and hen-pecked brother-in-law Pete the only parenting role models the young lovers have, things get even more confusing. Should they raise the baby together? What makes a happy lifetime partnership after all? A couple of drinks and a wild night later, they've got nine confusing months to figure it out.

TV-14

11:02 AM

Flash Photography

King of Queens, The

While at a wedding, Doug plays a lewd joke with a disposable camera.

TV-PG

12:02 PM

One with the Free Porn, The

Friends

Monica helps Ross tell his girlfriend that he loves her. Phoebe gets some surprising news about her pregnancy.

TV-14

1:02 PM

One with All the Haste, The

Friends

Drastic changes occur in Ross' relationship with Emily. Monica and Rachel will do anything to get their old apartment back from the guys.

TV-PG

2:02 PM

Slaughterhouse, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake and Rosa try earn the respect of their idol, and Charles, Terry and Gina test different parenting methods to resolve a conflict between Scully and Hitchcock.

TV-14

3:02 PM

Crime & Punishment (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake and Rosa are framed for a crime they didn't commit, and it's up to the squad to find a way to bust them out.

TV-14

4:02 PM

One with All the Haste, The

Friends

Drastic changes occur in Ross' relationship with Emily. Monica and Rachel will do anything to get their old apartment back from the guys.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Slaughterhouse, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake and Rosa try earn the respect of their idol, and Charles, Terry and Gina test different parenting methods to resolve a conflict between Scully and Hitchcock.

TV-14

6:02 PM

Crime & Punishment (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake and Rosa are framed for a crime they didn't commit, and it's up to the squad to find a way to bust them out.

TV-14

7:02 PM

Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (DVS)

After arriving safely home from their unprecedented victory in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Katniss and Peeta discover they must do a quick turnaround and begin a Victors Tour.

TV-14

9:02 PM

Avatar (DVS)

The story's hero is Jake Sully, an ex-Marine confined to a wheelchair. Bitter and disillusioned, he's still a warrior at heart. All Jake ever wanted was something worth fighting for and he ultimately finds it in the place he least expected- on a distant world. Jake has been recruited to join an expedition to the moon Pandora, which corporate interests are strip-mining for a mineral worth $20 million per kilogram on Earth. To facilitate their work, the humans use a link system that projects a person's consciousness into a hybrid of humans and Pandora's indigenous humanoid race, the Na'vi. This human-Na'vi hybrid a fully living, breathing body that resembles the Na'vi but possesses the individual human's thoughts, feelings and personality is known as an avatar. In his new avatar form, Jake can once again walk. His mission is to interact with and infiltrate the Na'vi with the hope of enlisting their help or at least their acquiescence in mining the ore. A beautiful Na'vi female, Neytiri, saves Jake's life reluctantly because even in his avatar body, Jake represents to her the human encroachment on the Na'vi's unspoiled world. As Jake's relationship with Neytiri deepens, along with his respect for the Na'vi, he faces the ultimate test as he leads an epic conflict that will decide nothing less than the fate of an entire world.

TV-14

10:02 PM

Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (DVS)

Katniss Everdeen is in District 13 after having destroyed the Hunger Games forever. Under the leadership of District 13 president Alma Coin, and thanks to the advice of her trusted friends, she becomes the symbol of rebellion against the totalitarian regime of President Snow. Her mission is to rally all Panem districts and start an uprising to overthrow the Capitol. Physically engaged in a fight where her destiny, that of her family and Panem's are at stake, Katniss sets out to save Peeta and a nation moved by her courage.

TV-14

Monday, Feb 26
12:02 AM

Avatar (DVS)

The story's hero is Jake Sully, an ex-Marine confined to a wheelchair. Bitter and disillusioned, he's still a warrior at heart. All Jake ever wanted was something worth fighting for and he ultimately finds it in the place he least expected- on a distant world. Jake has been recruited to join an expedition to the moon Pandora, which corporate interests are strip-mining for a mineral worth $20 million per kilogram on Earth. To facilitate their work, the humans use a link system that projects a person's consciousness into a hybrid of humans and Pandora's indigenous humanoid race, the Na'vi. This human-Na'vi hybrid a fully living, breathing body that resembles the Na'vi but possesses the individual human's thoughts, feelings and personality is known as an avatar. In his new avatar form, Jake can once again walk. His mission is to interact with and infiltrate the Na'vi with the hope of enlisting their help or at least their acquiescence in mining the ore. A beautiful Na'vi female, Neytiri, saves Jake's life reluctantly because even in his avatar body, Jake represents to her the human encroachment on the Na'vi's unspoiled world. As Jake's relationship with Neytiri deepens, along with his respect for the Na'vi, he faces the ultimate test as he leads an epic conflict that will decide nothing less than the fate of an entire world.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Avengers: Age of Ultron (DVS)

When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth's Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye, are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to the Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Stop, The

Detour, The

Nate tries to navigate his new role as stay-at-home dad. Between the kids hitting puberty and Robin's long work hours and incessant partying, he's... managing. Kind of.

TV-MA

5:02 AM

Goal, The

Detour, The

Edie has gone undercover, posing as an assistant coach of Jared and Delilah's hockey team. When they go on the road together, Robin suddenly gets a little jealous of this mysterious stranger.

TV-MA

6:02 AM

American Ultra

A sleeper agent created by the CIA has just been targeted for termination.

TV-14

7:02 AM

Stop, The

Detour, The

Nate tries to navigate his new role as stay-at-home dad. Between the kids hitting puberty and Robin's long work hours and incessant partying, he's... managing. Kind of.

TV-MA

8:02 AM

Fright Night

Charley is a high school senior who's on top of the world-he's running with the popular crowd and dating Amy, the most coveted girl in school. In fact, he's so cool, he's even dissing his best friend, Ed. But trouble arrives when Jerry moves in next door. He seems like a nice guy--at first. But there's something not quite right, and no one else, including Charley's mom seems to notice. After observing some very strange activity, Charley comes to an unmistakable conclusion: Jerry is a vampire preying on the neighborhood. Unable to convince anyone of this, Charley looks to popular Las Vegas illusionist and self-proclaimed vampire expert Peter Vincent for help and advice before taking matters into his own hands to get rid of the monster.

TV-14

9:02 AM

American Ultra

A sleeper agent created by the CIA has just been targeted for termination.

TV-14

10:02 AM

Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics

Married with Children

When Peggy wins a personalized workout with TV fitness host Jim Jupiter, the healthiest man in Chicago, he sets out to change her unhealthful lifestyle but she changes his instead.

TV-PG

11:02 AM

Fright Night

Charley is a high school senior who's on top of the world-he's running with the popular crowd and dating Amy, the most coveted girl in school. In fact, he's so cool, he's even dissing his best friend, Ed. But trouble arrives when Jerry moves in next door. He seems like a nice guy--at first. But there's something not quite right, and no one else, including Charley's mom seems to notice. After observing some very strange activity, Charley comes to an unmistakable conclusion: Jerry is a vampire preying on the neighborhood. Unable to convince anyone of this, Charley looks to popular Las Vegas illusionist and self-proclaimed vampire expert Peter Vincent for help and advice before taking matters into his own hands to get rid of the monster.

TV-14

12:02 PM

Fair Exchange

Married with Children

The Bundys are elated over the extra income they receive when they house a foreign exchange student but Kelly gets a run for her money when the student turns out to be a beautiful, sexy French girl.

TV-PG

1:02 PM

One with the Worst Best Man Ever, The

Friends

Joey loses Ross' treasured wedding ring. Phoebe has extreme mood variations from her pregnancy.

TV-PG

2:02 PM

One with Ross's Wedding Part 2, The

Friends

Rachel frantically tries to get to London before Ross marries Emily. Ross' father clashes with Emily's.

TV-PG

3:02 PM

One with the Screamer, The

Friends

Ross tries to convince Rachel that her date is psychotic. Joey's play gets terrible reviews.

TV-PG

4:02 PM

One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The

Friends

Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.

TV-PG

5:02 PM

Vas Deferens Between Men and Women, A

Cleveland Show, The

Complications ensue when Donna decides she wants another child; Rallo lands the lead role in a local production of the musical "Annie."

TV-14

6:02 PM

Great Space Roaster (DVS)

American Dad

It is Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but Roger takes the cruel jokes to heart and goes on a rampage against the Smith family.

TV-14

7:02 PM

Holy S***, Jeff's Back!

American Dad

Jeff returns from space. Or does he? Meanwhile, Steve watches after Snot's hamster.

TV-14

8:02 PM

Art Crawl

Bob's Burgers

When Linda asks Bob to let her sister hang her paintings in the restaurant for Art Week, Bob finds he's forced to contend with the city's Art Council, a shady troop of intimidating old ladies who control the art exhibited around town. Meanwhile, Louise, Gene and Tina are thrilled by all the attention their own art receives in the restaurant.

TV-14

9:02 PM

Great Space Roaster (DVS)

American Dad

It is Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but Roger takes the cruel jokes to heart and goes on a rampage against the Smith family.

TV-14

10:02 PM

Holy S***, Jeff's Back!

American Dad

Jeff returns from space. Or does he? Meanwhile, Steve watches after Snot's hamster.

TV-14

11:02 PM

Art Crawl

Bob's Burgers

When Linda asks Bob to let her sister hang her paintings in the restaurant for Art Week, Bob finds he's forced to contend with the city's Art Council, a shady troop of intimidating old ladies who control the art exhibited around town. Meanwhile, Louise, Gene and Tina are thrilled by all the attention their own art receives in the restaurant.

TV-14

Tuesday, Feb 27
12:02 AM

Burger Wars

Bob's Burgers

When Bob's eccentric landlord, Mr. Fischoeder, pays the family a visit, he informs Bob that his rival across the street, Jimmy Pesto of Pesto's Pizzeria, wants to take over Bob's lease so that he can expand his gift shop. With little time and not enough money, the Belcher family must cook up some business or luck to save the restaurant.

TV-PG

1:02 AM

Mother Tucker (DVS)

Family Guy

Peter's mom announces that she is getting a divorce; Peter finds a father figure in anchorman Tom Tucker; Brian gets his own radio show.

TV-14

2:02 AM

Space Cadet (DVS)

Family Guy

After Chris enrolls in a NASA space camp, Stewie accidentally launches the Griffins into outer space.

TV-14

3:02 AM

Chapter One (DVS)

Final Space

Gary carries out the final days of his lonely, five year prison sentence aboard the Galaxy One, when he meets Mooncake, a little green alien, who has the galaxyÆs most dangerous bounty hunters chasing after it. Gary swears to keep Mooncake safe from the anyone who would do it harm. Little does Gary know, Mooncake is the worldÆs most adorable planet destroying super weapon.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Episode 81131

Conan

Guests: Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, Olan Rogers, Debra DiGiovanni

TV-14

5:02 AM

Episode 81131

Conan

Guests: Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, Olan Rogers, Debra DiGiovanni

TV-14

6:02 AM

Chapter One (DVS)

Final Space

Gary carries out the final days of his lonely, five year prison sentence aboard the Galaxy One, when he meets Mooncake, a little green alien, who has the galaxyÆs most dangerous bounty hunters chasing after it. Gary swears to keep Mooncake safe from the anyone who would do it harm. Little does Gary know, Mooncake is the worldÆs most adorable planet destroying super weapon.

TV-14

7:02 AM

And a Loan for Christmas (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.

TV-14

8:02 AM

Episode 81131

Conan

Guests: Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, Olan Rogers, Debra DiGiovanni

TV-14

9:02 AM

And the Brand Job (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline's friendship is severely tested when Caroline drags Max to a motivational business seminar to help brand their cupcake business.

TV-14

10:02 AM

And a Loan for Christmas (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline obtain a bank loan to mass-produce their cupcake T-shirts so they can sell them at high-end boutiques. Meanwhile, the diner gang poses in Chestnut's barn for a holiday decorating contest Sophie entered.

TV-14

11:02 AM

And the Past and the Furious (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Caroline is shocked when she receives a Lamborghini for her birthday, which her father ordered for her four years ago. Meanwhile, Oleg plans something special for Sophie.

TV-14

12:02 PM

And the Crime Ring (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline are arrested for breaking into a cute guy's apartment to retrieve some rings Caroline left there after she spent the night.

TV-14

1:02 PM

976-SHOE

Married with Children

Al tries to cash in on his knowledge of shoe business by starting a shoe hotline.

TV-PG

2:02 PM

Major Disturbance

King of Queens, The

The Palmers' vacation plans are ruined when Doug frightens Major so much he refuses to be babysat by the Heffernans. In the meantime, Arthur begins hiring out himself and friends from the senior center to ride with solo drivers so they can use car-pool lanes.

TV-PG

3:02 PM

Butter Shave, The

Seinfeld

Jerry gets upset when a lame comic follows his act; Kramer uses butter.

TV-PG

4:02 PM

One with the Kips, The

Friends

Ross tells Rachel that he cannot be around her once Emily comes to New York. Chandler and Monica try to have a romantic weekend.

TV-14

5:02 PM

One Where Ross Moves In, The

Friends

Joey and Chandler regret letting Ross move in with them. Rachel schemes to get her new neighbor to ask her on a date.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

Butter Shave, The

Seinfeld

Jerry gets upset when a lame comic follows his act; Kramer uses butter.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with the Kips, The

Friends

Ross tells Rachel that he cannot be around her once Emily comes to New York. Chandler and Monica try to have a romantic weekend.

TV-14

8:02 PM

One Where Ross Moves In, The

Friends

Joey and Chandler regret letting Ross move in with them. Rachel schemes to get her new neighbor to ask her on a date.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with Chandler's Work Laugh, The

Friends

Chandler's behavior toward his boss annoys Monica. Ross' latest romance astounds everyone.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

One Where Everybody Finds Out, The

Friends

Chandler and Monica's relationship becomes less of a secret. Ross must prove to his boss that he's sane in order to return to work.

TV-14

11:02 PM

One with the Cop, The

Friends

Joey wonders if he is in love with Monica. Phoebe impersonates a police officer.

TV-PG

Wednesday, Feb 28
12:02 AM

Veracity Elasticity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

In order to remain Sheldon's roomie, Amy fibs about repairs being made to her apartment. Later, they present a episode of "Fun with Flags" in Penny's apartment.

TV-14

1:02 AM

Geology Elevation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A geologist coworker's MacArthur Genius fellowship award leaves Sheldon stone cold jealous. Meanwhile, Howard stumbles upon a remote-control Stephen Hawking action figure that he invented. Hawking appears as himself.

TV-PG

2:02 AM

Birthday Synchronicity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The Wolowitz baby arrives, while Sheldon and Amy celebrate Amy's birthday.

TV-PG

3:02 AM

Veracity Elasticity, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

In order to remain Sheldon's roomie, Amy fibs about repairs being made to her apartment. Later, they present a episode of "Fun with Flags" in Penny's apartment.

TV-14

4:02 AM

Geology Elevation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A geologist coworker's MacArthur Genius fellowship award leaves Sheldon stone cold jealous. Meanwhile, Howard stumbles upon a remote-control Stephen Hawking action figure that he invented. Hawking appears as himself.

TV-PG

5:02 AM

Episode 81132

Conan

Guests: Joel McHale, Anna Paquin, Alex Edelman

TV-14

6:02 AM

Pilot (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake Peralta, a talented but carefree detective, and his colleagues meet their new captain, Ray Holt, a tightly wound man determined to improve the dysfunctional 99th precinct.

TV-14

7:02 AM

48 Hours (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake's co-workers help him find evidence to keep a suspect he arrested in custody. Gina and Rosa have a pie contest. Holt helps Terry look better to his in-laws.

TV-14

8:02 AM

Episode 81132

Conan

Guests: Joel McHale, Anna Paquin, Alex Edelman

TV-14

9:02 AM

Pilot (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake Peralta, a talented but carefree detective, and his colleagues meet their new captain, Ray Holt, a tightly wound man determined to improve the dysfunctional 99th precinct.

TV-14

10:02 AM

48 Hours (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake's co-workers help him find evidence to keep a suspect he arrested in custody. Gina and Rosa have a pie contest. Holt helps Terry look better to his in-laws.

TV-14

11:02 AM

Taxing Problem

Married with Children

About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.

TV-PG

12:02 PM

You Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em Part 1

Married with Children

When Steve dumps Marcy to become a park ranger, ever-supportive Peggy talks her into a Las Vegas vacation with Al.

TV-PG

1:02 PM

Brace Yourself

King of Queens, The

An unflattering picture by Major prompts Arthur to ask Doug and Carrie for braces. Meanwhile, Kelly hires an out-of-work Spence to help out around the house.

TV-PG

2:02 PM

Ruff Goin'

King of Queens, The

Feeling hurt over not being invited to a block party, Doug adopts a dog just to prove to the neighbors that he's an okay guy, a decision he soon regrets. Meanwhile, Arthur falls prey to the gambling bug when trying to help Danny beat it.

TV-PG

3:02 PM

Blood, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's parents notice his weight gain and ask Izzy (Lloyd Bridges) to train him.

TV-PG

4:02 PM

One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss, The

Friends

Rachel interviews for a great job but she may get it for the wrong reason. Monica competes to have a better relationship than Phoebe's.

TV-14

5:02 PM

One with the Invitation, The

Friends

Rachel and the engaged Ross reminisce separately about when they dated each other. The friends get invitations to Ross' wedding but not all of them are going.

TV-PG

6:02 PM

Blood, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's parents notice his weight gain and ask Izzy (Lloyd Bridges) to train him.

TV-PG

7:02 PM

One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss, The

Friends

Rachel interviews for a great job but she may get it for the wrong reason. Monica competes to have a better relationship than Phoebe's.

TV-14

8:02 PM

One with the Invitation, The

Friends

Rachel and the engaged Ross reminisce separately about when they dated each other. The friends get invitations to Ross' wedding but not all of them are going.

TV-PG

9:02 PM

One with the Ball, The

Friends

Phoebe's boyfriend wants her to move in with him. Ross and Joey involve Chandler and Monica in an obsessive game.

TV-PG

10:02 PM

Toy Whorey

American Dad

Stan wants Steve to stop playing with toys and be a man, so he brings Steve to Mexico to make love to a prostitute; Roger attempts to retrieve a bottle of wine from Terry and Greg.

TV-14

11:02 PM

One After Vegas, The

Friends

Two of the friends leave Las Vegas married. Joey and Phoebe have a cross-country adventure.

TV-PG

Thursday, Mar 1
12:03 AM

Tangerine Factor, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny's break-up spurs Leonard to summon the courage to ask her out, and each goes to Sheldon for advice on their upcoming date.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Toy Whorey

American Dad

Stan wants Steve to stop playing with toys and be a man, so he brings Steve to Mexico to make love to a prostitute; Roger attempts to retrieve a bottle of wine from Terry and Greg.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Allowance Evaporation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Amy is incensed when she discovers Sheldon has shared intimate relationship information with people at the University; and Raj is knocked for a loop when his father stops sending financial support.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Tangerine Factor, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny's break-up spurs Leonard to summon the courage to ask her out, and each goes to Sheldon for advice on their upcoming date.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Emotion Detection Automation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon learns about an MIT invention that can help read people's emotions and decides to test it. Meanwhile, Leonard has trouble hiding his emotions when Penny announces her brother is going to visit; and Raj gathers former girlfriends to ask for their dating advice.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Episode 81133

Conan

Guests: Zach Galifianakis, They Might Be Giants

TV-14

6:03 AM

October 4, 2017

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee

Full Frontal explores America's other favorite pastime: screwing over Puerto Rico.

TV-MA

7:03 AM

Story Eight (DVS)

Guest Book, The

Trailer-park-boy Tommy takes his trailer-park-girl Marla to the mountains in an effort to wean her off crystal meth.

TV-MA

8:03 AM

Episode 81133

Conan

Guests: Zach Galifianakis, They Might Be Giants

TV-14

9:03 AM

Al ... with Kelly

Married with Children

After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.

TV-PG

10:03 AM

Unnatural, The

Married with Children

Al's pride is on the line when his softball team threatens to bench him right before the league championship.

TV-PG

11:03 AM

Kelly Bounces Back

Married with Children

When Al insists that Kelly get a job, she enrolls in modeling school, at Al's expense, and sets her sights on becoming a car showroom model.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

Wabbit Season

Married with Children

A stressed-out Al takes up gardening for relaxation but ends up battling a pesky rabbit.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

Mama Cast

King of Queens, The

Doug decides to spend the Heffernans' tax refund on an ice cream truck. Meanwhile, Carrie fills in as a pretend mom at model homes, and discovers a reemergence of her maternal desires.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

Kelly Bounces Back

Married with Children

When Al insists that Kelly get a job, she enrolls in modeling school, at Al's expense, and sets her sights on becoming a car showroom model.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Slicer, The

Seinfeld

Kramer buys a meat slicer; Jerry's date (Marcia Cross) considers his job meaningless.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, The

Friends

Monica is bewildered by Rachel's reaction to a change in their living arrangement. Phoebe tries to make Ross confront his feelings for Rachel.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One Where Joey Loses His Insurance, The

Friends

Injured Joey must get an acting part in order to qualify for health insurance. Rachel finally learns the truth about her marriage to Ross.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

Slicer, The

Seinfeld

Kramer buys a meat slicer; Jerry's date (Marcia Cross) considers his job meaningless.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, The

Friends

Monica is bewildered by Rachel's reaction to a change in their living arrangement. Phoebe tries to make Ross confront his feelings for Rachel.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One Where Joey Loses His Insurance, The

Friends

Injured Joey must get an acting part in order to qualify for health insurance. Rachel finally learns the truth about her marriage to Ross.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One on the Last Night, The

Friends

The guys and the women prepare for big changes in their living arrangements.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with Ross's Teeth, The

Friends

The guys explore their femininity. Phoebe causes trouble when she kisses someone at Rachel's work.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One with the Joke, The

Friends

Ross and Chandler bicker over which of them created a raunchy joke. Phoebe antagonizes Monica and Rachel with her candor. Joey reluctantly takes a waiter job at Central Perk.

TV-PG

Friday, Mar 2
12:03 AM

Apology, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's girlfriend teaches him some naked truths; George anticipates an apology.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Reverse Peephole, The

Seinfeld

Puddy wears a fur coat; Jerry doesn't use a wallet; Newman may face eviction.

TV-PG

2:03 AM

Collaboration Fluctuation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Raj moves in with Leonard and Penny and a period of adjustment begins for the three, while usually self-centered Sheldon shows surprising interest in Amy's work.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Apology, The

Seinfeld

Jerry's girlfriend teaches him some naked truths; George anticipates an apology.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Reverse Peephole, The

Seinfeld

Puddy wears a fur coat; Jerry doesn't use a wallet; Newman may face eviction.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Episode 81134

Conan

Guests: Heather Graham, Gad Elmaleh, Sofi Tukker

TV-14

6:03 AM

Yippie Kayak (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry must leave his family celebration on Christmas Eve to save Jake, Charles and Gina from a real Die Hard situation. Amy tries to prove that she is as tough as Rosa and Holt.

TV-14

7:03 AM

M.E. Time (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake hits on an attractive medical examiner at a crime scene and holds up the autopsy report; Amy's purse-snatching case is stalled when the sketch artist is out sick.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Episode 81134

Conan

Guests: Heather Graham, Gad Elmaleh, Sofi Tukker

TV-14

9:03 AM

Yippie Kayak (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry must leave his family celebration on Christmas Eve to save Jake, Charles and Gina from a real Die Hard situation. Amy tries to prove that she is as tough as Rosa and Holt.

TV-14

10:03 AM

M.E. Time (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake hits on an attractive medical examiner at a crime scene and holds up the autopsy report; Amy's purse-snatching case is stalled when the sketch artist is out sick.

TV-14

11:03 AM

Godfather

Married with Children

Al entertains notions of greatness when he discovers that Kelly's new boyfriend is an influential city politician.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

Man's Castle, A

Married with Children

When Peg enrolls in an interior design course, she chooses the Bundy home as her first project but Al's in an uproar when she sets her sights on his sacred domain, the bathroom.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

And Baby Makes Money

Married with Children

Al discovers new-found passion when he learns that he and Peggy stand to inherit a fortune by producing another Bundy baby.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

Godfather

Married with Children

Al entertains notions of greatness when he discovers that Kelly's new boyfriend is an influential city politician.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Strongbox, The

Seinfeld

Kramer hides his strongbox key at Jerry's place; a neighbor feuds with Jerry.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One with Rachel's Sister Part 1, The

Friends

Rachel tries to help her pampered younger sister, Jill, find independence but Jill flirting with Ross is not part of the plan. Monica won't admit that she is sick.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One That Could Have Been Part 1, The

Friends

The friends fantasize Rachel and Ross are in respective loveless marriages. Monica is an overweight virgin. Poor Chandler works for television star Joey, and Phoebe is an overstressed stockbroker.

TV-14

6:03 PM

Strongbox, The

Seinfeld

Kramer hides his strongbox key at Jerry's place; a neighbor feuds with Jerry.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with Rachel's Sister Part 1, The

Friends

Rachel tries to help her pampered younger sister, Jill, find independence but Jill flirting with Ross is not part of the plan. Monica won't admit that she is sick.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One That Could Have Been Part 1, The

Friends

The friends fantasize Rachel and Ross are in respective loveless marriages. Monica is an overweight virgin. Poor Chandler works for television star Joey, and Phoebe is an overstressed stockbroker.

TV-14

9:03 PM

One with Unagi, The

Friends

Chandler gets into trouble with his homemade gift for Monica. Ross tries to teach martial arts to Rachel and Phoebe. Joey hires a look-alike.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with Joey's Fridge, The

Friends

Ross worries when his student/girlfriend goes on vacation with her wild friends. Meanwhile, Joey's refrigerator breaks down.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad, The

Friends

Ross is nervous about meeting Paul, Elizabeth's dad, and invites the gang to the coffeehouse for moral support.

TV-PG

Saturday, Mar 3
12:03 AM

Old School (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake gets to spend the day with his hero, a former crime reporter; Terry and Charles work with Rosa on how she comes across on the witness stand.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Lost in Space (DVS)

American Dad

In order to return to Earth, the space-bound Jeff must convince an emperor that he is in love with Hayley.

TV-14

2:03 AM

It's a Trap Part 1 & 2 (DVS)

Family Guy

The Trilogy comes full circle in this parody of Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Old School (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake gets to spend the day with his hero, a former crime reporter; Terry and Charles work with Rosa on how she comes across on the witness stand.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (DVS)

Trouble-prone Percy Jackson is having problems in high school - but that's the least of his challenges. It's the 21st century, but the gods of Mount Olympus seem to have walked out of the pages of Percy's Greek mythology texts and into his life. Percy has learned that his real father is Poseidon, god of the sea, which means Percy is a demigod - half human, half god. At the same time, the powerful gods on Olympus are feuding, which could launch a war enveloping our entire planet. Now, Percy must prepare for the adventure of a lifetime, and the stakes couldn't be higher. With ominous storm clouds brewing over Earth and his own life now in peril, Percy travels to a special enclave called Camp Half Blood, where he trains to harness his newly discovered powers and prevent a devastating war among the gods. There, Percy meets two fellow demigods - the warrior Annabeth, who is searching for her mother, the goddess Athena; and his friend and protector, Grover, who is actually a brave but untested satyr. Grover and Annabeth then join Percy on an incredible transcontinental odyssey that takes them six hundred stories above New York City (the portal to Mount Olympus) and to the iconic Hollywood sign, under which burn the fires of the Underworld. At journey's end rests the fate of the world - and the life of Percy's mother Sally, whom Percy must rescue from the depths of Hell itself.

TV-PG

6:03 AM

Road to the Boston Major - The Big Stage

ELEAGUE

The New Legends travel to Boston and get ready to face off on the big stage. A packed arena awaits, and fans get their first chance to show the world how much this tournament means to them.

7:03 AM

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (DVS)

Trouble-prone Percy Jackson is having problems in high school - but that's the least of his challenges. It's the 21st century, but the gods of Mount Olympus seem to have walked out of the pages of Percy's Greek mythology texts and into his life. Percy has learned that his real father is Poseidon, god of the sea, which means Percy is a demigod - half human, half god. At the same time, the powerful gods on Olympus are feuding, which could launch a war enveloping our entire planet. Now, Percy must prepare for the adventure of a lifetime, and the stakes couldn't be higher. With ominous storm clouds brewing over Earth and his own life now in peril, Percy travels to a special enclave called Camp Half Blood, where he trains to harness his newly discovered powers and prevent a devastating war among the gods. There, Percy meets two fellow demigods - the warrior Annabeth, who is searching for her mother, the goddess Athena; and his friend and protector, Grover, who is actually a brave but untested satyr. Grover and Annabeth then join Percy on an incredible transcontinental odyssey that takes them six hundred stories above New York City (the portal to Mount Olympus) and to the iconic Hollywood sign, under which burn the fires of the Underworld. At journey's end rests the fate of the world - and the life of Percy's mother Sally, whom Percy must rescue from the depths of Hell itself.

TV-PG

9:03 AM

Control

New Girl

After Jess realizes that Schmidt is unfairly doing all of the housework, she pushes him to go on strike, and the entire ecosystem of the loft is thrown off balance. Meanwhile, Nick scrambles when he must pay up to Winston after losing a poker game.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Frank Goes Downstairs

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray and Debra lie to Frank about the source of injuries they incurred during romance.

TV-PG

11:03 AM

Weenie Tot Lovers & Other Strangers

Married with Children

Peg and Al must decide whether to give their last hundred dollars to Bud, who's been selected a top teen and invited to go to the White House and meet the President, or to Kelly, who has a chance to become Miss Weenie Tot and win a year's supply of Al's favorite treat.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

Pacifier, The (DVS)

Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

Frank Goes Downstairs

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray and Debra lie to Frank about the source of injuries they incurred during romance.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

3:03 PM

Pacifier, The (DVS)

Assigned to protect the endangered children of an assassinated scientist working on a secret invention, Shane Wolfe is suddenly faced with juggling two incompatible jobs: fighting evil while keeping house. As he adds to his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons the new tools of juice boxes and a minivan, Shane not only must defeat a world-threatening enemy but also wrangle teen rebel Zoe, uplift sullen 14-year-old Seth and outwit 8-year-old Ninja-wannabe Lulu, simultaneously keeping toddler Peter and baby Tyler out of mischief, not to mention harm's way. While drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a S.E.A.L. out of water, but this tough-guy loner soon realizes that he's also facing the most important mission of his life: becoming part of a family and bringing them all closer together.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Intern, The

Ben Whittaker is a 70-year-old widower who has discovered that retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be. Seizing an opportunity to get back in the game, he becomes a senior intern at an online fashion site, founded and run by Jules Ostin.

TV-14

5:03 PM

50 First Dates (DVS)

Arctic marine life veterinarian Henry Roth has his future all mapped out. When he's not tending to the sea animals at Sea Life Park in Hawaii, he is breaking the hearts of mainland tourists in search of a vacation romance. A long-term relationship for Henry is out of the question. It would scuttle his 10-year dream of sailing to Alaska to study the underwater life of walruses. Henry is close to making his dream come true when his schooner, the Sea Serpent, suffers a mishap during a trial run, which lands him at the Hukilau Café where the regulars eye him with distrust when he sets his eyes on one of its patrons, the beautiful young Lucy Whitmore. Henry is immediately smitten with Lucy, and after a first chat with her about waffles and sea mammals, Henry finds himself more and more interested in Lucy. Ignoring his own rule about dating local girls, he makes a date to meet her for breakfast the next day. But when he arrives and makes a reference to their previous conversation, she thinks he's some kind of freak and calls for help. Lucy has no idea who he is. And Henry realizes that if he wants to win her affections, he's going to have to start over again every day for the rest of his life.

TV-14

7:03 PM

Intern, The

Ben Whittaker is a 70-year-old widower who has discovered that retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be. Seizing an opportunity to get back in the game, he becomes a senior intern at an online fashion site, founded and run by Jules Ostin.

TV-14

8:03 PM

One with the Ring, The

Friends

Phoebe helps Chandler pick out an engagement ring for Monica.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with the Proposal Part 2, The

Friends

Monica asks Chandler to be her husband.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with Rachel's Book, The

Friends

Monica is outraged to find out what her parents did with her wedding fund. Joey discovers Rachel's late-night reading material.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

Bookstore, The

Seinfeld

George hopes to meet women at a bookstore where Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting.

TV-PG

Sunday, Mar 4
12:03 AM

Maid, The

Seinfeld

Jerry begins a relationship with his maid (Angela Featherstone); George wants a nickname.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Barbarian Sublimation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny becomes addicted to an online game based on the world of Conan the Barbarian and persistently pesters Sheldon for advice.

TV-PG

2:03 AM

Bookstore, The

Seinfeld

George hopes to meet women at a bookstore where Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Maid, The

Seinfeld

Jerry begins a relationship with his maid (Angela Featherstone); George wants a nickname.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Barbarian Sublimation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny becomes addicted to an online game based on the world of Conan the Barbarian and persistently pesters Sheldon for advice.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

What You Know Can Win Dough

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Supermodel Karlie Kloss brings the fashion facts, Michael Strahan busts a move, and Seth Rogen schools us on pots effects on our brains. A sommelier and a bartender take on the wheels to grab that $25,000.

TV-14

6:03 AM

And the Hidden Stash (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max joins Caroline on her visit to a white-collar prison to see her father, Martin Channing, and he encourages them to purchase a particular keepsake at the Channing estate auction.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Vows, The

Detour, The

Upon returning home from a winter at sea, Nate is left at the dock by his family. After a lift back to his "life"in town, he soon realizes things change fast. And he's not sure he likes it. Actually, he really hates it.

TV-MA

8:03 AM

What You Know Can Win Dough

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Supermodel Karlie Kloss brings the fashion facts, Michael Strahan busts a move, and Seth Rogen schools us on pots effects on our brains. A sommelier and a bartender take on the wheels to grab that $25,000.

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the Hidden Stash (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max joins Caroline on her visit to a white-collar prison to see her father, Martin Channing, and he encourages them to purchase a particular keepsake at the Channing estate auction.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the Zero Tolerance (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline get second jobs as a pastry chef and a hostess at a trendy restaurant to help pay off their bank loan.

TV-14

11:03 AM

Mentalo Case

King of Queens, The

Doug recalls his childhood toy Mentalo; Arthur sends Holly to find the perfect gift for his daughter.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

Golden Moldy

King of Queens, The

Doug downplays a problem in the basement so he and Carrie can still go on a trip they have planned.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

One with the Engagement Picture, The

Friends

Joey tries to teach Chandler how to smile for the camera. Phoebe and Ross bicker over their divorcing friends.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

One with Ross's Library Book, The

Friends

Chandler's former girlfriend manipulates Chandler and Monica. Rachel and Phoebe meddle in Joey's relationship.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Thanksgiving (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

When Holt and Jake must leave Amy's Thanksgiving dinner to catch a perp, Boyle steps in to save the day.

TV-14

4:03 PM

Bet, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake and Amy settle their ongoing bet about who can make more arrests; Charles reveals what he really thinks about his colleagues while under the influence of pain medication.

TV-14

5:03 PM

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (DVS)

Trouble-prone Percy Jackson is having problems in high school - but that's the least of his challenges. It's the 21st century, but the gods of Mount Olympus seem to have walked out of the pages of Percy's Greek mythology texts and into his life. Percy has learned that his real father is Poseidon, god of the sea, which means Percy is a demigod - half human, half god. At the same time, the powerful gods on Olympus are feuding, which could launch a war enveloping our entire planet. Now, Percy must prepare for the adventure of a lifetime, and the stakes couldn't be higher. With ominous storm clouds brewing over Earth and his own life now in peril, Percy travels to a special enclave called Camp Half Blood, where he trains to harness his newly discovered powers and prevent a devastating war among the gods. There, Percy meets two fellow demigods - the warrior Annabeth, who is searching for her mother, the goddess Athena; and his friend and protector, Grover, who is actually a brave but untested satyr. Grover and Annabeth then join Percy on an incredible transcontinental odyssey that takes them six hundred stories above New York City (the portal to Mount Olympus) and to the iconic Hollywood sign, under which burn the fires of the Underworld. At journey's end rests the fate of the world - and the life of Percy's mother Sally, whom Percy must rescue from the depths of Hell itself.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

Thanksgiving (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

When Holt and Jake must leave Amy's Thanksgiving dinner to catch a perp, Boyle steps in to save the day.

TV-14

7:03 PM

Bet, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake and Amy settle their ongoing bet about who can make more arrests; Charles reveals what he really thinks about his colleagues while under the influence of pain medication.

TV-14

8:03 PM

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (DVS)

Trouble-prone Percy Jackson is having problems in high school - but that's the least of his challenges. It's the 21st century, but the gods of Mount Olympus seem to have walked out of the pages of Percy's Greek mythology texts and into his life. Percy has learned that his real father is Poseidon, god of the sea, which means Percy is a demigod - half human, half god. At the same time, the powerful gods on Olympus are feuding, which could launch a war enveloping our entire planet. Now, Percy must prepare for the adventure of a lifetime, and the stakes couldn't be higher. With ominous storm clouds brewing over Earth and his own life now in peril, Percy travels to a special enclave called Camp Half Blood, where he trains to harness his newly discovered powers and prevent a devastating war among the gods. There, Percy meets two fellow demigods - the warrior Annabeth, who is searching for her mother, the goddess Athena; and his friend and protector, Grover, who is actually a brave but untested satyr. Grover and Annabeth then join Percy on an incredible transcontinental odyssey that takes them six hundred stories above New York City (the portal to Mount Olympus) and to the iconic Hollywood sign, under which burn the fires of the Underworld. At journey's end rests the fate of the world - and the life of Percy's mother Sally, whom Percy must rescue from the depths of Hell itself.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

Real Steel (DVS)

In the near-future where the sport of boxing has gone high-tech, Charlie Kenton, a washed-up fighter loses his chance at a title when 2000-pound, 8- foot-tall steel robots take over the ring. Now nothing but a small-time promoter, Charlie earns just enough money piecing together low-end bots from scrap metal to get from one underground boxing match to the next. When Charlie hits rock bottom, he reluctantly teams up with his estranged son Max to build and train a championship contender. As the stakes in the brutal, no-holds-barred arena are raised, Charlie and Max, against all odds, get one last shot at a comeback.

TV-14

11:03 PM

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (DVS)

Percy Jackson isn't feeling very heroic. The half-human son of Poseidon, the Greek god of the sea, once saved the world, but Percy's starting to think that might have been a fluke. Is he a flash in the pan a one-quest wonder? When Percy learns he has a half-brother who's a monster, he wonders if being the son of Poseidon might be more of a curse than a blessing.

TV-PG

Monday, Mar 5
1:03 AM

Real Steel (DVS)

In the near-future where the sport of boxing has gone high-tech, Charlie Kenton, a washed-up fighter loses his chance at a title when 2000-pound, 8- foot-tall steel robots take over the ring. Now nothing but a small-time promoter, Charlie earns just enough money piecing together low-end bots from scrap metal to get from one underground boxing match to the next. When Charlie hits rock bottom, he reluctantly teams up with his estranged son Max to build and train a championship contender. As the stakes in the brutal, no-holds-barred arena are raised, Charlie and Max, against all odds, get one last shot at a comeback.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Transformers (DVS)

The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic battle between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons. All that stands between the Decepticons and ultimate power is a clue held by young Sam Witwicky. Unaware that he is mankind's last chance for survival, Sam and Bumblebee, his robot disguised as a car, are in a race against an enemy unlike anything anyone has seen before.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (DVS)

Percy Jackson isn't feeling very heroic. The half-human son of Poseidon, the Greek god of the sea, once saved the world, but Percy's starting to think that might have been a fluke. Is he a flash in the pan a one-quest wonder? When Percy learns he has a half-brother who's a monster, he wonders if being the son of Poseidon might be more of a curse than a blessing.

TV-PG

10:03 AM

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (DVS)

Percy Jackson isn't feeling very heroic. The half-human son of Poseidon, the Greek god of the sea, once saved the world, but Percy's starting to think that might have been a fluke. Is he a flash in the pan a one-quest wonder? When Percy learns he has a half-brother who's a monster, he wonders if being the son of Poseidon might be more of a curse than a blessing.

TV-PG

11:03 AM

Route 666 Part 1

Married with Children

When Al takes the family on a road trip to a shoe convention in California, the Bundys discover a golden opportunity when their car breaks down in the middle of a ghost town.

TV-PG

12:03 PM

Buck the Stud

Married with Children

Buck the Dog has romantic designs on every bitch in the neighborhood, but dashes Peg & Al's hopes of becoming wealthy breeders when he refuses to court a pampered pedigree.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

Top of the Heap

Married with Children

Al loses his television set on a neighborhood boxing bet; even so, he, along with the boxer's dad, advise defeated fighter Vinnie to marry rich and forget about a career.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

One Where They All Turn Thirty, The

Friends

Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

One with the Truth About London, The

Friends

Chandler finds out who Monica really wanted to have sex with on the night they became lovers. Ross is furious after Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

One Where They're Up All Night, The

Friends

Monica falls asleep during sex. Rachel argues with Tag. Ross and Joey get stranded on the roof.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

One Where They All Turn Thirty, The

Friends

Rachel's 30th birthday prompts the friends to reminisce about their own 30th birthdays.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

One with the Truth About London, The

Friends

Chandler finds out who Monica really wanted to have sex with on the night they became lovers. Ross is furious after Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with Joey's Award, The

Friends

Joey overreacts at a daytime drama awards show.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

Beer Walk

Cleveland Show, The

Cleveland invites his friend from Quahog to participate in a charity beer walk; Rallo dresses up like characters from famous horror movies.

TV-14

9:03 PM

Bob Day Afternoon

Bob's Burgers

A bank robber holds up a bank across the street from Bob's Burgers. When the robbery goes awry, Bob finds himself at the center of a hostage crisis.

TV-14

10:03 PM

Call Girl (DVS)

Family Guy

When Peter loses the family's money, Lois takes a job as a phone sex operator.

TV-14

11:03 PM

Torpedo

Bob's Burgers

Bob's hero, a washed-up professional baseball player named Torpedo Jones, starts pitching for the local minor league team. Torpedo befriends the Belcher's, and Bob is ecstatic until he finds out about the dark underbelly of baseball.

TV-PG

Tuesday, Mar 6
12:03 AM

Bob Day Afternoon

Bob's Burgers

A bank robber holds up a bank across the street from Bob's Burgers. When the robbery goes awry, Bob finds himself at the center of a hostage crisis.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Call Girl (DVS)

Family Guy

When Peter loses the family's money, Lois takes a job as a phone sex operator.

TV-14

2:03 AM

12 and a Half Angry Men (DVS)

Family Guy

Mayor West goes on trial for murder after his aide is found stabbed to death.

TV-14

3:03 AM

Chapter Two (DVS)

Final Space

Gary and Avocato must chase down the ruthless bounty hunter, Terk, before he can tell the Lord Commander that Mooncake is aboard the Galaxy One.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Farmer Guy (DVS)

Family Guy

When a crime spree sweeps through Quahog, the Griffins move to the safety of a farm, where they're forced to open a meth lab to make ends meet.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Episode 81135 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Kevin Hart

TV-14

6:03 AM

Chapter Two (DVS)

Final Space

Gary and Avocato must chase down the ruthless bounty hunter, Terk, before he can tell the Lord Commander that Mooncake is aboard the Galaxy One.

TV-14

7:03 AM

And the Look of the Irish (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline try to get work for Nash as a model in an effort to make some extra money acting as his managers. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg attempt to remain celibate for 30 days before their wedding.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Episode 81135 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Kevin Hart

TV-14

9:03 AM

And the High Hook-Up (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max pursues a handsome new coworker at the restaurant, despite the owner's "no hook-up" rule.

TV-14

10:03 AM

And the Look of the Irish (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline try to get work for Nash as a model in an effort to make some extra money acting as his managers. Meanwhile, Sophie and Oleg attempt to remain celibate for 30 days before their wedding.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Grate Expectations (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Max and Caroline help launch the opening of The High's new location at JFK airport. Meanwhile, Sophie learns that Oleg may have an ulterior motive for wanting to marry her.

TV-14

12:03 PM

She's Having My Baby Part 1

Married with Children

Marcy excitedly announces she's pregnant but Al's glee at Jefferson's misfortune turns to horror when Peg breaks the news that she too has a little Bundy in the oven.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

Single Spaced

King of Queens, The

Seeing friends who recently had a child makes Doug and Carrie consider adopting.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

China Syndrome Part 2

King of Queens, The

At Arthur's wedding reception, Doug and Carrie's marital tension continues, and they ponder whether they have a future together.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Clip Show Part 2, The

Seinfeld

Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Single Spaced

King of Queens, The

Seeing friends who recently had a child makes Doug and Carrie consider adopting.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

China Syndrome Part 2

King of Queens, The

At Arthur's wedding reception, Doug and Carrie's marital tension continues, and they ponder whether they have a future together.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

Clip Show Part 2, The

Seinfeld

Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with Ross & Monica's Cousin, The

Friends

Monica's gorgeous cousin unwittingly wreaks havoc on Chandler and Ross. Rachel and Phoebe hastily plan a surprise bridal party for Monica.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Vows, The

Friends

As Monica and Chandler prepare their wedding vows, they and their friends reminisce.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with Monica & Chandler's Wedding Part 1, The

Friends

On the eve of the wedding, Ross searches for missing Chandler, who has doubts, while the girls distract unsuspecting Monica.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One After "I Do", The

Friends

The reception following Monica and Chandler's wedding is almost upstaged by the news that a member of the group might be pregnant.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Rachel Tells..., The

Friends

The real father of Rachel's baby is revealed; Monica and Chandler struggle to make their honeymoon flight.

TV-14

Wednesday, Mar 7
12:03 AM

White Asparagus Triangulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is overexuberant that Leonard finally has a girlfriend matching his high standards.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.

TV-PG

2:03 AM

Friendship Algorithim, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Looking to get friendly with Barry Kripke to gain access to a piece of high-tech lab equipment, Sheldon develops a flowchart process to make friends.

TV-14

3:03 AM

White Asparagus Triangulation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon is overexuberant that Leonard finally has a girlfriend matching his high standards.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Bath Item Gift Hypothesis, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Sheldon irks the gangs with his obsession with proper Christmas gift protocol. Leonard's crushed when Penny dates a colleague of his.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Episode 81136 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Martin Short, Natalie Zea, Michael Longfellow

TV-14

6:03 AM

Ebony Falcon, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry takes cues from Jake while on his first task back in the field; Amy and Rosa help solve a case at Gina's apartment.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Operation: Broken Feather (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

While investigating a string of hotel robberies, Jake learns Amy may go work with the major crimes unit; Holt and Jeffords endeavor to make the precinct more efficient.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Episode 81136 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Martin Short, Natalie Zea, Michael Longfellow

TV-14

9:03 AM

Ebony Falcon, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry takes cues from Jake while on his first task back in the field; Amy and Rosa help solve a case at Gina's apartment.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Operation: Broken Feather (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

While investigating a string of hotel robberies, Jake learns Amy may go work with the major crimes unit; Holt and Jeffords endeavor to make the precinct more efficient.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Wrecking Ball (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Season 5 begins with Max and Caroline teaming up with the diner staff in a frantic attempt to keep their businesses open when the city targets Han's diner and their cupcake window for destruction.

TV-14

12:03 PM

Kelly Does Hollywood Part 1

Married with Children

Armed with cable TV and a new remote control, Al is determined to stay on the couch until he finds something good to watch on television, while Kelly's public access show becomes the hottest thing on cable.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

Pilot

King of Queens, The

In-laws (Jerry Stiller, Lisa Rieffel) displace Doug Heffernan (Kevin James) and his 70-inch TV from a basement lair; with Leah Remini.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

Fat City

King of Queens, The

Doug worries that Carrie will grow to look like her mother.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Finale Part 2, The

Seinfeld

After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Pilot

King of Queens, The

In-laws (Jerry Stiller, Lisa Rieffel) displace Doug Heffernan (Kevin James) and his 70-inch TV from a basement lair; with Leah Remini.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Fat City

King of Queens, The

Doug worries that Carrie will grow to look like her mother.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

Finale Part 2, The

Seinfeld

After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Videotape, The

Friends

Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Stain, The

Friends

Rachel wants to find her own apartment. Phoebe is ecstatic when Eric dumps Ursula to date her.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with Monica's Boots, The

Friends

Chandler is angry when Monica buys expensive boots. Phoebe tries to get tickets to a Sting concert.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One Where Chandler Takes a Bath, The

Friends

Monica blabs her suspicions when she mistakenly believes Joey is infatuated with Phoebe.

TV-PG

11:03 PM

One Where Joey Tells Rachel, The

Friends

Joey tells Rachel that he is in love with her.

TV-PG

Thursday, Mar 8
12:03 AM

Cushion Saturation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Paintball leads to a squabble between Sheldon and Penny as well as romance between Howard and Leslie.

TV-14

1:03 AM

Work Song Nanocluster, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny's business selling hair accessories out of her apartment gets out of hand when an over-caffeinated Sheldon takes charge.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Hofstadter Isotope, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

A fellow comic book enthusiast's hitting on Penny leads to Leonard, Raj and Howard going to a bar's Ladies' Night.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Cushion Saturation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Paintball leads to a squabble between Sheldon and Penny as well as romance between Howard and Leslie.

TV-14

4:03 AM

Work Song Nanocluster, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Penny's business selling hair accessories out of her apartment gets out of hand when an over-caffeinated Sheldon takes charge.

TV-14

5:03 AM

Episode 81137 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: David Oyelowo

TV-14

6:03 AM

James Van Der Beek vs. Randall Park and Rob Gronkowski vs. Gina Rodriguez

Drop the Mic

Dawson's Creek heartthrob James Van Der Beek throws shade at Fresh off the Boat's Randall Park in a rap battle, while NFL superstar and Super Bowl champ Rob Gronkowski finds out Gina Rodriguez might just be a problem he can't tackle.

TV-14

7:03 AM

Nicole Scherzinger vs. Lil Rel Howery and Charlie Puth vs. Backstreet Boys

Drop the Mic

TV host and Pussycat Dolls member Nicole Scherzinger spits hot fire against Get Out funnyman Lil Rel Howery, while an unprecedented 5-on-1 takes place when singer Charlie Puth takes on every single member of the Backstreet Boys.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Episode 81137

Conan

Guests: David Oyelowo

TV-14

9:03 AM

James Van Der Beek vs. Randall Park and Rob Gronkowski vs. Gina Rodriguez

Drop the Mic

Dawson's Creek heartthrob James Van Der Beek throws shade at Fresh off the Boat's Randall Park in a rap battle, while NFL superstar and Super Bowl champ Rob Gronkowski finds out Gina Rodriguez might just be a problem he can't tackle.

TV-14

10:03 AM

Nicole Scherzinger vs. Lil Rel Howery and Charlie Puth vs. Backstreet Boys

Drop the Mic

TV host and Pussycat Dolls member Nicole Scherzinger spits hot fire against Get Out funnyman Lil Rel Howery, while an unprecedented 5-on-1 takes place when singer Charlie Puth takes on every single member of the Backstreet Boys.

TV-14

11:03 AM

Funkiest Host on the West Coast, The

Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild

Snoop and Regis Philbin croon rat pack tunes, Michael Strahan attempts yoga poses, and Snoop reads hip-hop soliloquies Shakespeare-style. A theme park performer and a dancer spin against each other for a chance at $25,000.

TV-14

12:03 PM

My Dinner with Anthrax

Married with Children

It's Al and Peggy's 20th anniversary and Bud and Kelly pack them off to a time-share scam in Florida so heavy metal band Anthrax can party at the Bundy house.

TV-PG

1:03 PM

Richie's Song

King of Queens, The

Doug learns Richie's wife is cheating on him.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

Paternal Affairs

King of Queens, The

Arthur dates Doug's favorite, recently divorced aunt.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Library, The

Seinfeld

The library asks Jerry about a book overdue since 1971.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Richie's Song

King of Queens, The

Doug learns Richie's wife is cheating on him.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Paternal Affairs

King of Queens, The

Arthur dates Doug's favorite, recently divorced aunt.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

Library, The

Seinfeld

The library asks Jerry about a book overdue since 1971.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One with the Tea Leaves, The

Friends

Rachel devises a lie about her unborn child that she hopes will break the silence between her and Joey. Phoebe reads tea leaves and predicts she will soon encounter the man of her dreams.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with Joey's Interview, The

Friends

When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.

TV-PG

9:03 PM

One with the Cooking Class, The

Friends

A food critic blasts Monica's cooking in a newspaper review; a cute saleswoman riles Rachel when she flirts with Ross; Phoebe coaches Chandler for a job interview.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

Chapter Two (DVS)

Final Space

Gary and Avocato must chase down the ruthless bounty hunter, Terk, before he can tell the Lord Commander that Mooncake is aboard the Galaxy One.

TV-14

11:03 PM

One Where No One Proposes, The

Friends

Joey finds himself engaged to Rachel soon after she delivers her baby girl, while Phoebe assumes Ross is the one who proposed.

TV-PG

Friday, Mar 9
12:03 AM

Cafe, The

Seinfeld

Jerry tries to help the owner of a deserted neighborhood cafe.

TV-PG

1:03 AM

Chapter Two (DVS)

Final Space

Gary and Avocato must chase down the ruthless bounty hunter, Terk, before he can tell the Lord Commander that Mooncake is aboard the Galaxy One.

TV-14

2:03 AM

Monopolar Expedition, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

The guys' prestigious offer to work over the summer at the North Pole, and Penny's resultant behavior leaves Leonard unsure if he should go.

TV-PG

3:03 AM

Gothowitz Deviation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard takes Raj along to check out the Goth dating scene. Sheldon uses chocolate as part of a behavior modification experiment on Penny.

TV-PG

4:03 AM

Nose Job, The

Seinfeld

Jerry reconsiders dating a vacuous actress (Tawny Kitaen); George dates a woman with a big nose.

TV-PG

5:03 AM

Episode 81138 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Walton Goggins

TV-14

6:03 AM

Gothowitz Deviation, The (DVS)

Big Bang Theory, The

Howard takes Raj along to check out the Goth dating scene. Sheldon uses chocolate as part of a behavior modification experiment on Penny.

TV-PG

7:03 AM

Fancy Brudgom (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

As Charles' best man, Jake must be involved with important wedding decisions including cake tasting and floral arrangements; Gina, Terry and Amy start an extreme diet; Rosa has to make a sincere apology.

TV-14

8:03 AM

Episode 81138 (DVS)

Conan

Guests: Walton Goggins

TV-14

9:03 AM

Apartment, The (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake's fate is in Gina's hands as his crushing debt threatens to put him on the streets; Holt and Jeffords hold performance reviews; Rosa and Boyle have a run-in with an other officer.

TV-PG

10:03 AM

Fancy Brudgom (DVS)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

As Charles' best man, Jake must be involved with important wedding decisions including cake tasting and floral arrangements; Gina, Terry and Amy start an extreme diet; Rosa has to make a sincere apology.

TV-14

11:03 AM

And the Maybe Baby (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

The girls run into Caroline's newly engaged ex, Candy Andy, and Caroline offers to make his wedding cake. Later, when she sees Andy's seemingly perfect relationship and how he supports his fiancee's career, she wonders if she should have stayed with him.

TV-14

12:03 PM

And the Escape Room (DVS)

2 Broke Girls

Han believes his diner employees are not working together as a team, so he insists they all attend a mandatory night out at the Escape Room club.

TV-14

1:03 PM

Rock, The

King of Queens, The

Doug belatedly learns Carrie's engagement ring is valuable.

TV-PG

2:03 PM

Educating Doug

King of Queens, The

Doug takes an English lit class to please Carrie.

TV-PG

3:03 PM

Red Dot, The

Seinfeld

Elaine's alcoholic boyfriend resumes drinking; Jerry is the unwitting cause.

TV-PG

4:03 PM

Rock, The

King of Queens, The

Doug belatedly learns Carrie's engagement ring is valuable.

TV-PG

5:03 PM

Educating Doug

King of Queens, The

Doug takes an English lit class to please Carrie.

TV-PG

6:03 PM

Red Dot, The

Seinfeld

Elaine's alcoholic boyfriend resumes drinking; Jerry is the unwitting cause.

TV-PG

7:03 PM

One Where Emma Cries, The

Friends

Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.

TV-PG

8:03 PM

One with the Sharks, The

Friends

Monica fears Chandler has a sexual fetish involving sharks.

TV-14

9:03 PM

One with the Male Nanny, The

Friends

Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny.

TV-PG

10:03 PM

One with Rachel's Phone Number, The

Friends

Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.

TV-PG