Dr. Huxtable's family might not take a man wearing crazy sweaters seriously, and to be honest neither do we, but anyone would want to be part of this family if they grew up hearing his hilarious fatherly advice.

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very funny The Cosby Show quotes:

"Dad, Denise pushed us out of the bathroom, so the soap's in Rudy's eyes and she wouldn't let me rinse out the shampoo like Mom said and now Rudy might be blinded for life! If she is, can we get a dog?"
- Vanessa in Pilot

"We're here to say goodbye to a cherished friend: Lamont, the goldfish."
"I've always felt safe with him around."
- Cliff and Vanessa in Mr. Fish

Talking to Denise"Take the glasses off!"
Denise takes them off, revealing weird make up on the side of her face
"Put the glasses on!"
- Cliff in Mr. Fish

"What did I tell you about pushing your sister?"
"I'm just hurrying her along."
"That's fine, she's only 5 now, but she IS going to grow up and she MAY get into body building. And then she'll track you down and say "Remember all the times you used to push me around?" and clean your clock!"
- Cliff and Vanessa in Bad Dreams

to Rudy "Did you call your sister a baby?"
"No. I called her a chicken baby."
- Cliff and Rudy in Bad Dreams

"So you don't want another one? child"
"There's times that I don't even want the ones we have."
- Clair and Cliff in One More Time

laughing at Denise's outfit W"here are you going dressed like that?"
"School." still laughing "What? Is it scarecrow day?"
- Cliff and Denise in Rudy's Sick

"Hey, if Dad lets you go, I'll give you five-hundred dollars."
"You don't have five-hundred dollars!"
"Do I look worried?"
- Theo and Denise in Jitterbug Break

"What's the matter?"
"I'm bored."
"You're bored? Well that's funny because I've got $3 million of books up in your room."
- Cliff and Rudy in Slumber Party

Flirting with Clair "Hello Mrs. Huxtable!"
"Why are you being so nice to her. She's late too."
"She's late, but looks good. You're just late!"
- Chester and Cliff in Mr. Quiet

"Ooh, Rudy, you're gonna be a pretty first grader!"
"Thank you, I wrote my name."
"Let me see that...very good! You know I was married to your father 10 years before I could spell Huxtable?"
- Clair and Rudy in First Day of School

"Is that what you are wearing to school, Rudy?"
"Yes."
"Go in your room and change. You look like a fortune teller."
- Cliff and Rudy in First Day of School

"Alright, there are 3 rules to follow when we are trick-or-treating: Number 1: Stay with me at all times; Number 2: Put candy from people you know in one bag, and from people you don't in another; Number 3: Don't tell anyone who I am!"
- Cliff in Halloween

Clair explains the Mega Woman dolls to Cliff "Theres a whole family of them. There's "Mega Girl," "Mega Boy," she's married to "Mega Man" and they all drive around all day in "The Mega Mobile."
- Clair in Off to the Races

"I'm going to call the zoo."
"The zoo doesn't want it. Garter snakes go to the zoo to see real snakes."
- Clair and Cliff in Bring'em Back Alive

"But you've always wanted to be a lawyer, you've talked about nothing else!"
"I've changed my mind."
"CHANGE IT BACK! After all that money we sent sending you to Princeton? Sondra, you owe us 79,648 dollars and 22 cents, and I want my money NOW!"
- Clair and Sondra in Call of the Wild

"I don't understand why it is that you get to rant and rave and I'm the one that has to be calm."
"Because, Cliff, that is my baby in there!"
"Well, that's my baby, too!"
"No, Cliff, you did not have that child. I had that child. I was the one who was lying on that table screaming "take it out." And if it takes the last breath in my body, Sondra IS going to become a lawyer!"
- Cliff and Clair in Call of the Wild

during Theo's cross-examination "Mom, will you stop? I'm not some criminal. I'm your kid!"
"No, you're not. You said you wanted me to you treat like an adult."
"Is this how you treat adults?"
"When I take 'em to court, yes!"
- Theo and Clair in Theogate

"I'm so smart, I'm smarter than me."
- Cliff in Cliff's Mistake

"And who am I? An industrious young woman who wants to examine life without....pressure!"
"And how much does that pay?"
- Denise and Cliff in Together Again and Again

"Yes, I know Tina Turner. I knew Tina Turner when she was rollin' on the river!"
- Cliff in The Physical

"Dad, you will do your impression of the funny pirate, won't you? Everybody loves it when you do the pirate!"
"Well, first of all, I am not a professional comedian."
- Rudy and Cliff in Rudy's All-Nighter

"It's not too easy to put something over on Mom and Dad. So remember that for when you leave for Kara's house. Oh, Vanessa! Let me know what Jeremy thinks of my earring."
- Theo in Truth or Consequences

"Getting up at 4:30 in the morning to prove myself to a group of men basking in the nonexistent ray of their own intelligence is not my idea of fun."
- Clair in Mrs. Huxtable Goes to Kindergarten

"Rudy, why don't you go upstairs and do your homework, honey. I'll check in on you at 9:30. Be ready for bed."
grumbling "9:30! Why can't I stay up past 9:30! And they say it's a free world, HA! That's what they think. It's a free nothing!"
"It's free because we pay for it!"
- Clair, Rudy and Cliff in Can I Say Something, Please?

"Isn't this like when you took Theo to the Army? Theo isn't in the Army."
"The Army wouldn't take Theo. The basement will take you."
- Vanessa and Cliff in A Room With No View

"Why couldn't they have had an essay question that said, "Write the story of Icarus"? I would have cleaned up on that."
"Because this is not Burger King! You cannot have it your way!"
- Theo and Cliff in Theo's Gift

about being romantic "I've got five children...I don't need to prove anything to anybody!"
- Cliff in Isn't It Romantic?

"It's like 'oh you're the A's, well you're way up here', and 'oh you're the D's, well you're way down here'...and...I just think we should all be one happy alphabet."
- Denise in Live and Learn

"Uh huh! 'I forgot.' Some of the greatest lies ever told by your children: 'I forgot,' 'I'll pay you back later,' 'It was like that when I found it.'"
- Cliff in It's All in the Game

"I'm just saying that a woman can have babies longer than a man can play football."
"Go to sleep, Cliff...'cause you're gonna need a helmet if you keep talking."
- Cliff and Clair in Clair's Liberation

"I got engaged."
"That's nice. But you forgot the tomatoes."
"No, I mean engaged, like in marriage."
"Engaged to do what?"
- Vanessa, Clair and Cliff in With This Ring?

"All of you who do not have a job, raise your hands. And while you have your hands up, I want you to look down because for guys who aren't working, I'm seeing expensive sneakers."
- Cliff in For Men Only

Winnie tiptoes into Cliff and Clair's room and posts a blue sticker on Cliff's nose, waking him up. "We're moving today!"
pointing to the sticker"What does that have to do with this?"
"Daddy is putting blue stickers on all the big, heavy things we want to take with us."
- Winne and Cliff in The Getaway

to Theo "How can you expect your father to contain himself. I can't contain myself, and why should I have to? My baby's graduating from college."
- Clair in And So We Commence