" Distinguished Gentleman, The" Squid Pro Quo

Squid -- it's not just for breakfast anymore!

You will need:

The sauce:

  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1/3 cup dry red wine
  • 1 tablespoon tomato paste
  • 1 pound plum tomatoes, split lengthwise, seeds removed
  • 1 yellow onion, diced
  • 4 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1 teaspoon black pepper

The squid:

  • 2-3 pounds whole squid, cleaned
  • 3 cups self-rising flour
  • 1 tablespoon salt
  • 2 teaspoons each black pepper, paprika, and baking soda
  • 1 1/2 quarts peanut oil, for frying
  • 3 lemons, cut into wedges
  • 1 highly paid squid P.A.C. lobbyist


1. Preheat oven to 375F.

2. Combine olive oil, red wine, and tomato paste. Arrange tomatoes, onion, and garlic on a cookie sheet and drizzle with the olive oil mixture. Roast for 45 minutes until lightly browned and fragrant.

3. Transfer the tomato mixture to a blender; puree and set aside

4. First, cut any large tentacles in half lengthwise, then slice into 1/4-inch to 1/2-inch rings. Rinse with cold water and dry well with paper towels or in a salad spinner.

5. Heat at least 4 inches of oil in a heavy saucepan or fryer to 350-360F.

6. In a large bowl combine the flour, salt, pepper, paprika, and baking soda. Add a handful of squid and toss until evenly coated, transfer the floured squid to a colander and shake excess back into the bowl of seasoned flour.

7. Working in small batches, add the squid to the hot oil. Cook for 2 minutes until crisp and golden. Drain on paper towels; serve hot with marinara sauce and a squeeze of lemon.

8. Create a "Dirty Dish Political Action Committee" to raise funds for your campaign to clean up the kitchen. When elected, explain that the problem is really too complex to do anything about without further studies and substantially more donations.

Serves 4-6

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