" Conspiracy Theory" It's All in Your Headcheese

If you have a spare pig's skull laying around, why not put it to good use? Yes, now all of your unused animal parts can be made into tasty dairy products!

You will need:

  • 1 pig?s head, brains removed
  • 4 pig?s feet
  • (If you can't get your hands on feet and head, feel free to substitute 1 bone-in pork butt)
  • 2 tablespoons salt
  • 1 handful parsley
  • 2 onions, quartered
  • 2 heads garlic, halved
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 2 carrots, chopped
  • 3 stalks celery, chopped
  • 15 black peppercorns
  • 5 whole cloves
  • 10 juniper berries
  • 3 tablespoons gelatin
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2 teaspoons each: cayenne pepper, chopped fresh sage, and nutmeg
  • 1 grassy knoll

Directions:

1. Scrub head and feet well and cover with cold water. Add the salt, parsley, onions, garlic, bay leaves, carrots, celery, peppercorns, cloves, and juniper berries.

2. Bring the mixture to a boil, reduce heat and simmer until the meat falls from the bones, skimming occasionally.

3. Remove head (or butt) from the broth and allow to cool then pull off as much meat as possible, chop, and set aside. Combine the gelatin and 1/2-cup cold water; stir until no lumps remain.

4. Strain the broth into a saucepan; skim off fat and add the gelatin mixture, cayenne, sage, and nutmeg. Bring the mixture to a boil and reduce to about 3 cups in volume.

5. Transfer the chopped meat to a loaf pan lined with plastic wrap. Pour the broth over the top and refrigerate until firm.

6. When firm, thinly slice and serve on "Catcher in the Rye" bread with plenty of mustard and onion.

7. Admonish guests that not only are "they" watching you at this very moment, but "they" also maintain a precise list of people who don't eat all their headcheese. (Of course, everyone knows that the only way to be removed from the dreaded "list" is to offer to do the dishes.)

Makes about 3 lbs. of headcheese



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