" Weird Science" IT WAS ALIVE! Calamari with Aioli

Aftering creating the perfect meal, you will be ready to create the perfect woman!

You will need:

For the Aioli

  • 2 egg yolks
  • 4 garlic cloves
  • 1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard
  • 1/2 tsp. Salt
  • 1/8 tsp. Cayenne pepper
  • 1 tsp. Red wine vinegar
  • 1 cup pure olive oil
  • 2 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1 tbsp ice water, as needed
  • 1 tbsp Italian parsley, chopped

For the Calamari:

  • 2 lb squid, cleaned
  • 2 cups bread crumbs
  • 1 Tbsp fresh oregano or marjoram, chopped
  • 2 eggs, mixed with 1/3 cup cold water
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • canola oil, for frying
  • 3 lemons, cut into wedges
  • 100 frightened and angry townspeople with torches and miscellaneous farm tools
  • 1 beaker raging teenage hormones

Directions: 1. Create the aioli: Place bra or other stretchy female garment on head, proceed to step 2.

2. Rinse mixing bowl with warm water and dry thoroughly.

3. Place yolks in mixing bowl and whisk till smooth and creamy. Throw head back and laugh like mad scientist.

4. Add the garlic, mustard, salt, pepper and the wine vinegar and continue whisking feverishly.

5. Continue whisking as though madly possessed by your new abilities to create life, adding half the olive oil very slowly. (The mixture should begin to grow and emulsify.)

6. After half the oil has been used, add the lemon juice; then whisk in the remaining oil. If the mixture seems a little too thick, whisk in a splash of ice water; if too thin, whisk in a little more olive oil.

7. Add the chopped parsley, taste and adjust seasonings as desired; cover and refrigerate.

8. Create the Calamari: Wrestle the squid to work area (or just pull the package from the fridge). Slice into 1/2"- 1/4" inch rings. (If the tentacles are large, cut them in half lengthwise first.) Rinse with cold water and dry very well with paper towels or in a salad spinner.

9. Heat 4 inches of oil in a heavy saucepan or fryer to 340-350?F.

10. Mix together the crumbs and oregano. Dust a handful of squid lightly with flour, shaking off the excess in a strainer; dip in the egg wash and dredge in the bread crumbs. (If you prefer a lighter coating on the Calamari, omit the egg wash and bread crumbs and fry with just the flour coating.)

11. Frying in batches, add the Calamari to the hot oil. Cook for 2 minutes, until golden, and drain on paper towels. Repeat until all the squid is cooked. Serve hot with a squeeze of lemon and the aioli.

12. After you've completed this experiment, roll up the sleeves on your stained and splattered lab coat and bask in the glory of your creations. Will everyone realize what a great culinary genius you really are? (Or will they still make you do the dishes?)

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