" Dragnet" Just the Facts, Ham

Sergeant Joe Friday reguests that you make this meal or else...

You will need:

  • 1 gallon water
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 4-12 oz bottles stout beer
  • 1 4 to 6 lb smoked ham, fully cooked
  • 1/2 cup each: chopped onion, carrots and celery
  • 1 tsp ground sage
  • 1/2 cup marsala or sherry
  • 6 tbsp honey or pure maple syrup
  • 1 tbsp dry mustard
  • 3 tbsp orange marmalade
  • whole cloves
  • the will to serve (hot) and to protect (your reputation in the kitchen)


1. Combine the water, brown sugar and one of the beers in a large pot over high heat. Preheat the oven to 375?F.

2. Scrub the ham well under cold, running water and set in the water. When the water comes to a simmer, reduce the heat to low and cover.

3. Simmer covered for 20 minutes, then remove the pot from the heat and allow the ham to sit in the hot cooking liquid an additional 15 minutes.

4. Place ham fat side-up (or cut side-down if using a half ham) in a rack in a roasting pan, toss the vegetables and sage around it and pour the second beer over the top.

5. Set the roasting pan over high heat until the stout begins to boil; cover and bake for about 60 minutes.

6. Meanwhile, whisk together the orange marmalade, marsala, dry mustard and maple syrup; set aside.

7. Remove ham from the oven and increase the oven temperature to 400?F.

8. Slice off the rind (if it has one) and lightly score the fat in a latticework design, a pinwheel or the shape of an LAPD badge. Stud decoratively with cloves if desired.

9. Brush the marsala mixture over the surface of the ham and bake uncovered for 15 to 20 minutes or until nicely glazed and golden brown.

10. During these last few minutes of cooking, baste every five minutes or so, taking care not to to let the glaze burn.

11. Strain and degrease the pan juices to serve alongside the ham as-is, or combine with a little cream and reduce till thickened.

12. You've finished your work, what do you see...just a ham?...Well that's not all I see Mr...I see the good people of this city lined up with arms akimbo waiting to try an honest piece of pork...grown by thousands of proud hog farmers working hard to produce a leaner, more healthful pork product...

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