" D.O.A." Biscuits to Die For (with One Foot in the Gravy)

You are not ready for the afterlife until you have had these biscuits!

You will need: For the gravy:

  • 1 pound country sausage
  • 1 red onion, minced
  • 1 cup sliced mushrooms
  • 3 tablespoons flour
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • 1/2 cup cream (optional)
  • 1 teaspoon chopped, fresh thyme
  • salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
  • Tabasco sauce, to taste

For the biscuits:

  • 4 cups self-rising flour
  • 3 tablespoons sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon sage
  • 6 tablespoons cold shortening
  • 4 tablespoons cold butter
  • 2 cups buttermilk
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 1/2 cups cake flour
  • 1 last will and testament

1. Dig your own gravy: Brown the sausage in a large, heavy skillet over medium heat. Transfer sausage to a plate and set aside.

2. Discard all but 3 Tbsp. of drippings from the pan; add the chopped mushrooms and onion and cook until lightly browned, about 3 minutes.

3. Add the flour and cook, stirring constantly until the flour begins to color, about 3 minutes.

4. Add the chicken stock and cream and continue cooking until thickened.

5. Add the cooked sausage and fresh thyme and season to taste with salt, pepper and Tabasco sauce.

1. Get your biscuits in order: Preheat oven to 475;F.

2. Sift together the self-rising flour, sugar, baking soda, and ground sage into a large mixing bowl.

3. Cut the shortening and butter into small pieces and work into the flour mixture until the lumps are no larger than a small pea.

4. Add the cream and buttermilk and stir together only until the mixture becomes cohesive. It will be too sticky to handle. Allow the mixture to stand about 5 minutes.

5. Dump the cake flour onto a clean work surface in a pile. Dust hands with flour and pinch off biscuit-sized lumps of dough.

6. Quickly roll through the cake flour and roll lightly between your hands to form a ball and transfer to a well-buttered muffin tin or crowd together into a buttered cake pan or pie plate.

7. Brush with cream or melted butter and bake about 20 minutes or until proud, puffy and golden. Remove from oven and brush with melted butter if desired.

8. Cheer up: Look on the bright side, death is merely nature?s way of telling you to slow down and let someone else do the dishes.

Makes you the hero of four happy guests

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