Ten Best Ways to Kiss Up to Your Boss

Are you finding it hard to move ahead in your career? Are you having trouble getting your superiors to notice you? We recommend kissing up. It works, even if you don't!

(NOTE: Don't be stupid enough to actually try any of the items below, or you'll find yourself in jail, in the hospital, or, even worse, in the unemployment line!)

1. Have his lunch hours catered by his favorite restaurant. If you don't know his/her favorite restaurant, just choose something expensive. (Be sure to bill it to the company.)
   
   
2. Bring in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing "Happy Birthday" at his/her office birthday party.
   
   
3. Redecorate his office, being sure to include a poster-sized image of you and your boss holding hands. If no such image is available, paint one yourself.
   
   
4. Pre-pay the co-pays at his/her doctor's office. Also, try to get a copy of your boss's medical records so you can show your concern over any embarassing medical condition he/she may have.
   
   
5. Paint your boss's name on a parking space close to the building. (Be sure to bring enough paint to paint over the blue handicap markings.)
   
   
6. Fill your performance review with Haiku about your boss's serene beauty.
   
   
7. Stand guard and keep people from bothering him on his lunch break. Use physical force if necessary, but make sure he sees you do it.
   
   
8. Use your 401K to start a scholarship program in his/her name at a local community college.
   
   
9. Give him/her your vacation days to use. If HR won't allow this (the jerks), use those days to do chores at your boss's house.
   
   
10. Give your boss and his/her spouse your first born child. (This is easiest when you don't tell them in advance. Just have the child and leave it on their doorstep.)

Have a few suggestions to add to this list? Let us hear them on our At-Work Message Board!