Ten Best Ways to Get Out of Work

Looking for a way to take some extra vacation days without the boss calling you on the carpet? Check out these inventive and effective methods for professional slacking.

(NOTE: Don't be stupid enough to actually try any of the items below, or you'll find yourself in jail, in the hospital, or, even worse, in the unemployment line!)

1. Hire a cube double to fill in for you. If he/she's not a perfect match, have the double wear extensive bandages, and claim you had issues with the grill over the weekend.
   
   
2. Give your computer a virus. (We're talking a computer virus. We don't recommend being intimate with your PC.)
   
   
3. Flash a finger at the sweating guy on the Harley in the next lane. Call in and share that you were the victim of road rage on the way to work.
   
   
4. Lecture each day--for at least an hour--on how fantastic an idea the Electoral College is. Trust us, they'll be relieved when you don't show up the next day. (Disclaimer: this may result in termination or a 'whooping.')
   
   
5. Break some minor laws, then challenge the police to a high-speed chase. Nobody can expect you to work from a jail cell.
   
   
6. Call in to announce that your laxatives finally kicked in and that you won't be able leave the bathroom all day.
   
   
7. Donate your work clothes to charity. Better yet, tell your boss that all of your work clothes were at the cleaners...which burned down.
8. Feed your dog the car keys. Wrap them in slices of American cheese if he/she is reluctant to swallow them.
   
   
9. Cut your finger on the latest inspirational poster, requiring a cozy stay at the hospital. (Remember: "no pain, no gain.")
   
   
10. Stay home without letting anyone at the office know where you are. If anyone calls looking for you, answer the phone in a bad Italian accent and say, "Luigi's pizza! Will this be delivery or carry out?"

Have a few suggestions to add to this list? Let us hear them on our At-Work Message Board!