" L.A. Story" New Age Baloney

Eat like the stars...sort of.

You will need:

For the New Age Baloney:

  • 1/2 lb fresh scallops
  • 1/4 lb red snapper
  • 1/4 lb smoked salmon
  • 1/2 tbsp salt
  • 1 tsp paprika
  • pinch white pepper
  • pinch nutmeg
  • 3 egg whites
  • 1/3 cup crushed ice

For the Salad:

  • 2 tbsp raspberry vinegar
  • 1/2 cup walnut oil
  • 1 bell pepper, roasted, peeled and diced
  • toasted pistachios, chopped
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • 4-5 cups unpronounceable and conspicuoulsy expensive free range baby field greens (or a couple of heads of lettuce)
  • 1 earthquake survival kit


1. Set a large pot of water on to boil.

2. Cut scallops, snapper and salmon into small pieces and toss with the seasonings and egg whites.

3. Place in the freezer and chill for 20 minutes until very cold, but not frozen.

4. Transfer cold fish to work bowl of food processor and pulse 3 or 4 times until finely chopped.

5. Add the crushed ice and pulse 5 or 6 more times until thick and emulsified.

6. Process another 45 seconds while slowly adding the cream.

7. Spread the mixture out onto a sheet of plastic wrap, and roll tightly to resemble a large sausage, then wrap tightly a second time in foil, twisting the ends to seal.

8. Place in the boiling water, reduce the heat to a low simmer and poach 15-20 minutes until cooked through.

9. Transfer to a large bowl of ice water to cool.

10. Combine dressing ingredients and whisk together.

11. Slice new age baloney thinly and serve over the bed of free range, baby field greens. Drizzle with raspberry-pistachio dressing.

12. >Completely ignore meal and begin obsessing about recent weight gain while conspicuously wielding impossibly teeny cell phone to confirm colonic-tanning appointment.

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