" Sleeping With The Enemy" Pecan Someone Your Own Size Pie

Don't worry, this pie is not violent. In fact, you'll notice that it goes down pretty easy!

You will need:

For the Pie Shell:

  • 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  • 2 Tbsp ground pecans
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 Tbsp sugar
  • 4 Tbsp cold shortening, cut into pieces
  • 6 Tbsp butter, cut into pieces
  • 1 egg, separated
  • 2 tsp cold milk

For the Filling:

  • 3 eggs, at room temperature
  • 6 Tbsp butter, melted
  • 1 cup packed dark brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup dark corn syrup
  • 1/2 cup light corn syrup
  • 2 Tbsp maple syrup
  • 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
  • 1 number of a good divorce lawyer
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 cups toasted , chopped pecans
  • 1 cup pecan halves


1. The Pie Shell: Preheat oven to 425°F. Whisk the egg white and milk together. Combine flour, ground pecans, salt and sugar in the work bowl of a food processor. Dab the shortening and butter over the top and pulse a few times until the mixture has the texture of breadcrumbs. Transfer mixture to a mixing bowl.

2. Sprinkle the egg white-cold milk mixture a little at a time over the dry ingredients and mix with a wooden spoon until the dough begins to hold together. Form the dough into a disk, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate at least half an hour.

3. Roll dough out into a 12" round and transfer to a 9" pie pan. Trim edges to leave a 1/2" overhang and fold the edges under. Prick the bottom of the dough with the tines of a fork, brush with egg yolk and line with foil. Bake in the center of the preheated oven for 15 minutes.

4. The Filling: Beat the eggs and set aside. In a mixing bowl, combine the melted butter and brown sugar and beat until smooth. Beat in the eggs, corn syrup, maple syrup, vanilla, and salt. Fold in the chopped pecans and scrape mixture into the pie shell.

5. Carefully arrange the pecan halves over the top of the pie with a creepy, yet strangely attractive, anal-retentive intensity and bake exactly in the center of the preheated oven for 10 minutes. Reduce the oven temperature to 350®F and continue baking about 30 minutes until done. Cool before serving.

6. Quickly and cleverly fake your own death before someone asks you to do the dishes.

sign up for the weekly newsletter

Get the latest on TBS shows from videos, games and other fun content.