" Stephen King's Sleepwalkers" Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Cake

Have trouble getting up in the morning? This succulent coffee cake will give you that extra boost you need to get on your feet and start sucking the life out of innocent people!

You will need:

For the Topping:

  • 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup packed golden brown sugar
  • 1 stick softened butter
  • 1 cup chopped pecans
  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

For the Cake:

  • 1/3 cup packed golden brown sugar
  • 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 granny smith apples, peeled, cored, and grated
  • 1/2 cup buttermilk
  • 1/2 stick melted butter
  • 1 large egg, beaten
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • zest of 1 orange
  • 1 copy of that hot bestseller, "Men Who Love Their Mothers and the Virgins Who Love Them"


1. Butter a 10" tube pan or cake pan, dust with flour, tap out the excess, and set aside. Preheat oven to 350F.

2. Make the topping: Combine the topping ingredients in a bowl and cut together with a pastry blender or 2 knives until the mixture resembles course crumbs. Set aside.

3. Make the cake: Sift together the sugar, flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt into a large bowl.

4. In a separate bowl combine and whisk together the chopped apple, buttermilk, melted butter, eggs, vanilla and orange zest.

5. Add the wet mixture to the dry and fold together gently until well incorporated.

6. Spoon about half of the batter into the prepared pan, sprinkle half of the topping mixture over and swirl with a spoon. Add the remaining batter and sprinkle the remaining topping over the batter.

7. Bake about 45 minutes until golden brown, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

8. Do yourself a favor: Try not to suck the life force out of all your guests until someone helps with the dishes.

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