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D.L. on bears sniffing jet fuel: “What are these bears named, Cheech and Chong?”
Michael: “The jet-fuel sniffing bears you know is true ’cause it’s too stupid to make up."
Michael: “Just because he Googled ‘how do you say “holy smoke” in Latin’ doesn’t make it true.”
D.L.: “Let me say this: I grew up on 135th and Avalon. No Mormons ever came to my house.”
Michael: “Just because you keep repeating yourself, D.L., does not make it true.”
Michael on Cookie Monster’s original name: “Sid? I didn’t know Cookie Monster was an old Jew.”
D.L.: “That doesn’t look like Ken! That looks like one of the coaches on the WNBA.”
D.L. on Michael: “Last time he showed you a picture, it was a lie, so he has a fetish for showing dumb-ass, lying pictures.”
D.L.: “Swimming in the Olympics, they call it the breaststroke, but none of them have any.”
Michael on chickens: “Animals, I think, instinctively won’t eat their own kind.”
D.L.: “Not even with a tasty ranch dressing?”
Michael: “Maybe with a ranch dressing.”
D.L.: “Have you ever seen somebody think they had Chinese characters on their neck and it was wrong? They thought it meant ‘praise God’ and it meant ‘I’m a ho.’”
Michael:“Holy smoke is just a PG version of holy (expletive).”

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