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Michael: "D.L., have you seen 'Three Men and a Baby?' Who's in it?"
D.L.: "Reggie Bush, Kris Humphries and Kanye West."
D.L. on Michael: "He's bullsh--ting you."
D.L. on Michael: "I don't speak poker. He's f--king lying."
D.L.: "We're saying 'dick' and 'balls' on a TV show. I don't know."
D.L.: "I actually think 'Bingo' means, 'You lose, white dude.'"
Michael on the New Year's Eve ball drop: "The original idea was to drop a big bag of cocaine over the crowd."
D.L. on a wax-figure strip club: "It's for people who can't afford to see real tits. They go see wax tits."
Michael: "Even if they go to a strip club, they're not going to see real titties."
Michael on Kim Kardashian's butt: "Why would you insure that ass? What could somebody possibly do to it that nobody has done before?!"
Michael: "The suit is actually called The Zero G Spot."
Michael: "Sometimes in support of things I'm gonna make jokes, Jason. Like if I say, for example, 'Nice shirt,' that's a joke obviously."
Contestant Jason Adler to the hosts: "The longer I talk to you, the more confused I get."
D.L.: "Black people know when we're at clubs, and they want us to leave, they play country music. Country music is like garlic to black people.
Michael: "You think criminals are going to be scared by a little classical music? I live in New York City. If you start playing classical music in the subway, criminals are just going to rip the speakers off the walls and steal those."
Michael: "People were smuggling all kinds of things in these hats -- weapons, cash, jewelry, tiny immigrants."
Michael: "Our whole game is dumb, Jason."

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