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D.L.: "It wasn't like when my mother used to hit us in public and people would say, 'What're you doing?' and she'd go, 'Mind your business!'"
D.L.: "There were a lot of things that were different back then. Back then, I'd be serving you all tea."
Brian: "I'm not sure what just happened here, but I'm very unhappy."
Michael: "I'm unhappy, too. They made me do it. I told them during the break, I said, 'I'm not going to lie to this guy.'"
D.L. on the Olympics: "They wanted the nerds to play, too."
Michael: "How did the competition in literature work at the Olympics? Was it 'On your mark, get set, write a book?' Is that how it worked?"
Michael: "Brian, first of all, why would I lie to you? I'm scared of you."
Michael: "Have you ever heard of the 100-yard haiku?"
Michael: "You know, when they tear down like Yankee Stadium, they sell the seats, they sell A-Rod's steroids -- they sell everything."
Michael: "They're parrots, they're pretty. Pretty things don't need any special skills. Right? It's true in the human world."
Michael on Somalia's pirate stock exchange: "It's like our stock market, except it's more honest."
D.L.: "But a parrot was actually trained to sniff out valuables. They would sit on the pirate's shoulder. They would whisper in his ear, 'This motherf--ker's lying!'"

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