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Michael: "Let's just put the game on hold for a second and talk about how great [Janet Jackson's] tit was."
Michael: "One headline read, ‘Worst Book of all Tim.’"
D.L.: "Come to the dark side."
D.L.: "I've never been [to a monster truck rally]; I don't think it's safe for me to go."
Michael: "If a grown man was going to bring one of his child's toys to life, we all know it would be Barbie."
D.L.: "I would never lie to your face. I would wait until you turned away."
D.L.: "Last time you walked away from the dark side, and you were rejected."
Michael: "As we have learned on this show, just because something is believable doesn't mean it's true. For example, I could tell you D.L. writes his own jokes."
D.L.: "The dark side will return with favor."
D.L.: "The good news is that you won $4,000. The bad news is I know you have it, and I'm going to rob you after the show."
Michael: "Did women have giant vaginas in the beginning of the 20th century?"
D.L.: "You trusted me, and I don't take that likely. And your mother and your family are here. And you picked a vibrator and a black man, and there is no getting that out of their heads."
Michael: "If we've learned anything today it's that the only thing scarier than being a contestant on 'Trust Me I'm a Game Show Host' is an ancient vibrator."

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