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thursday, april 17th
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Tonight
Neighbors from Hell Quotes
And you thought your neighbors were from Hell! The Hellmans just moved from Satan's underworld to the suburbs of Houston. You won't believe what comes out of the mouths of these demons and their human friends. So enjoy a good laugh and tell us what your favorite quote from the show is on our Neighbors from Hell message boards!


very funny quotes from Neighbors from Hell:

"If you succeed, I see executive stripes in your future. Fail and spend the rest of eternity staring at the inside of a Halcon 5000 Soul Compactor. Yes, nothing crushes souls like the Halcon 5000. Now with 'soul shredder option'. Halcon."
- Satan in Snorfindesdrillsalgoho

"Well, according to this magazine, if you get close to the boss during his off hours by sharing a hobby, you can earn his trust and write your own ticket at the office. It's what they call 'fast tracking' it."
"You mean get him to come to adult gymnastics with me?"
- Tina and Balthazor in Country Club Hell

"So I say to Brad, look Brad, drugs are everywhere and we need to keep our kids safe! So we decided to make our kids do smack every day after school until they couldn't stand the sight of it. It's fun!"
- Marjoe Saint Sparks in Snorfindesdrillsalgoho

"Anyway, Chevdet here is the brains behind my big drill. If anything were to happen to this little brown genius, the whole drill project would be like every marriage I've ever had - dead on arrival."
- Don Killbride in Snorfindesdrillsalgoho

"What's going on in here? Tina - did you kill the neighbors?"
- Balthazor Hellman in Snorfindesdrillsalgoho

"Balthazor, hun bun, I was thinking of how we could decorate the house: Let's burn it down and live in the ashes!"
- Tina Hellman in Country Club Hell

"Vlaartark, why are you here?"
"I thought you would benefit by being seen with my level of sophistication and elegance. Plus, when I'm home alone the dark thoughts come."
- Balthazor, Vlaartark in Country Club Hell

"Fine. But if anything happens to precious wifey No. 6, say adios to your ballchachos."
- Don Killbride in Country Club Hell

"Mandy honey, be home by 6, OK? We're all going out to dinner tonight to celebrate your old man punching a minority in the grapes."
"Soft pass, Dad."
- Balthazor, Mandy in Gay Vampire Mexican

"Did somebody say bald eagle? That was my nickname back at college. I spent more money on razors than tuition!"
- Marjoe in Gay Vampire Mexican

"Marjoe, you pop up in the most unexpected places. I didn't know you had a catering company."
"I betcha didn’t know I had crabs either - crab meat-filled panda paws that is! STD-licious! C'mon you gotta try my sperm whale soup - I promise you won't spit it out!"
- Tina, Marjoe in Gay Vampire Mexican

"We'll open with comments. Josh, why do you have a charred bird on your arm?"
"This is Muffy. I saved him from the barbecue and re-animated him. And now I'm going to find him a mate and repopulate the bald eagle species, thereby saving them from extinction."
- Balthazor, Josh in Gay Vampire Mexican

"Mandy, describe to me your perfect guy."
"I don't know…really nice, brooding. Lots of hair gel. Maybe a vampire."
- Balthazor, Mandy in Gay Vampire Mexican

"What?! He didn’t want Wayne dead. He was being hyperbolic to express his frustrations with parenting, which just goes to show you the limitations of language."
- Balthazor in Gay Vampire Mexican

"I couldn't see the real Wayne - the one who mocks cripples and farts in the face of blindness. I mean, what more could a father ask for? If you hadn't tried to change him, I would never have realized how perfect he was to begin with. Thank you, friend."
"You're welcome, friend. Hey! Am I friend with benefits?"
- Killbride, Balthazor in Gay Vampire Mexican

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