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Ray's family may drive him crazy, but we think they're hilarious. Of course, if our families spouted lines like the ones below, we'd probably go nuts, too. What's your favorite quote from the show? Let us know on our Raymond message boards!


quotes from Everybody Loves Raymond:                     << first   < prev       Page 3 of 10       next >   last >>

"You don't understand, I grew up with the name Raymond."
"What rhymes with Raymond?"
"How about Laymond Gaymond Go Awaymond."
- Ray and Debra in Bully On The Bus

"Debra, Debra, lovely wife, why am I stuck with you for life?"
- Ray in Bully On The Bus

"Debra, Debra, real good lookin', never wanna try her cookin'."
- Robert in Bully On The Bus

"You have a mustache!"
"It's not a mustache! I think you owe me an apology."
"I'm sorry nature can be so cruel."
- Ray and Debra in Alone Time

"I never thought I'd have three women in my whole life."
"Hey, we all lost money on that bet."
- Robert and Frank in Meant To Be

"That was my publisher. They, uh, read the first two chapters of my book. They didn't want me to write anymore."
"Oh my God, Ray."
"But why? Were there spelling errors?"
- Raymond, Debra and Marie in The Author

"You better shut up if you want dinner."
"And another thing..."
- Debra and Ray in Let's Fix Robert

"So, are you going to finish my pancakes or what? I'm starving."
"The batter's right there, Frank. You can't pour batter onto a grittle?"
"You better hope I can't, otherwise you're on a bus to the home."
- Frank and Marie in Say Uncle

"You'd love to have someone different, wouldn't you?"
"That's a secret?"
- Marie and Frank in Older Women

"Ray and I are kind of dating."
"Holy crap!"
"Wait a minute, what?"
"Is there a problem?"
"Um, no, there's no problem, I'm just surprised my husband has time to date."
"What, you're his wife? Ray said you were dead!"
"Holy crap!"
- Natasha, Frank and Debra in Raybert

"His soul was removed to make room for more stomach."
- Robert in The Kicker

"So i have to live in a museum of your erotic past."
"It's not a museum."
"So you admit .. it was erotic"
- Ray and Debra in The Breakup Tape

"I would never deny my children water!"
"Well, Robert, I guess that explains your bedwetting problem."
- Marie and Frank in A Vote For Debra

"Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am!? I USED TO BE A GENTLEMAN!"
- Frank in Mother's Day (I)

"What did Frank say?"
"Nothing. He wouldn't notice anything new on me unless it was made of sausage."
- Debra and Marie in Marie's Vision

"Even if I was dumb, is that any reason to hate me?"
"Of course not. There are so many better reasons."
- Ray and Robert in Somebody Hates Raymond

"Your father, on the other hand, hates everybody."
"That's not true. There are only some people I hate; the rest I tolerate."
"Be quiet, Frank."
"Careful, Marie. You're right there on the fence."
- Marie and Frank in Somebody Hates Raymond

"Okay, got your new plunger."
"Oh, thanks Robert. Michael flushed an action figure."
"What are you feeding that kid?!"
- Robert and Debra in Sweet Charity

"What do you thing we should put for the greeting?"
"What?"
"You know, like: 'Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hank and Pat McDougall, We request an audience from you at our wedding.' What should we put?"
"Attention Idiots!"
- Robert, Ray and Frank in The Plan

"Just...kill Ray for me, would you?"
"Oh, Amy... I will."
- Amy and Debra in The Plan

"'Clothing optional?!?' It's supposed to say 'Formal clothing optional!' Robert, there are going to be naked people at our wedding!"
- Amy in The Plan

"This is my wedding day, and I'm in NO MOOD FOR FUN!"
"Then you're gonna LOVE marriage."
- Raymond and Robert in Robert's Wedding

"And the broad's family is supposed to pay for the wedding and it is to be a full bar, free of charge with top shelf hooch. Read your Bibles!"
"I must have missed that passage."
- Frank and Robert in Robert's Wedding

"You let my Raymond have beer?!"
"Made a man out of him... Almost."
- Marie and Frank in Fun With Debra

"I was just trying to have fun with you."
"You were trying to have sex with me."
"Sex is fun. Especially with me 'cause I whistle."
- Ray and Debra in Fun With Debra

"We used to be happy, remember Frank?"
"Then the meteor hit and killed all the dinosaurs. Except for one."
- Marie and Frank in Misery Loves Company

"We've been married 46 years. We've seen the lows and we've seen the highs."
"What day was the high?"
- Marie and Frank in Misery Loves Company

"Gianni, while you're out getting a stove, could you pick up a spine for my husband?"
"Why don't I just get you a new husband? 'Cause I know this one's leaking gas."
- Debra and Gianni in The Contractor

"Maybe Peter could stay at our house tonight."
"What? No, no ... no, our house ... it's broken."
- Debra and Ray in Peter On The Couch

"Oh, I am impressed. You guys are so manly."
"Ugghh, hurry up. I think I broke a nail!"
- Amy and Ray in Peter On The Couch

"Yeah, I noticed his underwear hanging on the doorknob. Which remimds me, if you go out today, pick up a new doorknob."
- Robert in Peter On The Couch

"Hey, Ma, what're you doing?"
"Well, your father says the dryer makes his pants too tight."
"I think that's the refrigerator."
- Ray and Marie in Jazz Records

"Your husband's gobbling heart pills because he's had a 50-year love affair with ham!"
- Frank in Debra at the Lodge

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see a movie with Amy and then have no children."
- Robert in Slave

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