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Ray's family may drive him crazy, but we think they're hilarious. Of course, if our families spouted lines like the ones below, we'd probably go nuts, too. What's your favorite quote from the show? Let us know on our Raymond message boards!


quotes from Everybody Loves Raymond:                     << first   < prev       Page 9 of 10       next >   last >>

"You know, we make a pretty good team together, your availability and my attractiveness."
"Yeah, it's like Robert-Raymond."
"No, it's Raybert."
- Ray and Robert in Raybert

"I'm telling you Raymond, we really hit it off."
"Yeah, all right. So then what happened, you ran out of singles?"
- Robert and Ray in Raybert

"I think this Frank deserves to be kicked 68 yards."
"Finally, a voice of reason."
- Guy on radio and Marie in The Kicker

"'Robert loves to dance and has been known to boogie the night away.' So--so, let me get this straight. You've broadened the definition of the term 'boogie' to include staying at home by yourself eating Wheat Thins?"
- Ray, reading Robert's personal ad in Season's Greetings

"Hey, Eight Maids A-Milkin'!"
"We gonna do this every night until Christmas? Can't we just cut to 'Partridge in a Pear Tree' and be done with it?"
"Wow. When we go to Macy's, you can punch Santa and kick an elf?"
- Ray and Debra in Season's Greetings

"Marie, when I speak, what is it you hear? Is it--is it, like, backwards talk, or dolphin squeaks?"
- Debra in Season's Greetings

"That is how you get your way. 'Just so you know.' Yeah, yeah. 'Just so you know, Ray, we're getting the flower drapes.' 'Just so you know, Ray, I ordered the boring couch without the foot rests.' And 'Ray, we're moving across the street from your parents, just so you know!'"
- Ray in Tissues

"This is dancing?"
"They'll wear themselves out, then the floor is all ours."
- Marie and Frank in Snow Day

"And the third prize?"
"You're out of the troop."
- Peggy and Ray in Cookies

"You know, Ally, I got a real camera in the car. Great pictures, no pulp."
- Ray in Cookies

"ABC, Always Be Cranky."
- Ray in Cookies

"I have excellent news."
"Your blue ox came home?"
- Robert and Frank in Lucky Suit

"I was only trying to help!"
"Help? What, like the guy who shaves your ankles before the electric chair? Is that the kinda help? Thanks for the help! What do I owe you?"
- Marie and Robert in Lucky Suit

"I thought it would help you. I thought it would be funny!"
"They were the FBI, Mom! I wasn't trying to get a job at the Gap!"
- Marie and Robert in Lucky Suit

"He called his teacher Mommy."
"Why, was she yelling?"
- Ray and Ally in Home from School

"I don't understand. Why would you get us a marriage book?"
"Yeah, I am not interested in that subject."
- Marie and Frank in Misery Loves Company

"It has a lot of problems, Frank. I mean, most of the time, I can barely use it."
"Oh, dear. Can we really blame the stove?"
- Debra and Marie in The Contractor

"You do so need my say so!"
- Ray in The Contractor

"There's a new sheriff in town, and he just shot your doctor!"
- Ray in Liars

"She had notes prepared. They were topics for her evening with Raymond. They were all complaints. I was one of the categories...Debra was the rest of the categories."
- Frank in Liars

"Don't worry, I called a real repairer-man, he'll be here tomorrow between ten and two."
"Well good luck to him, I couldn't fix it and I'm the smartest guy I know."
- Marie and Frank in Liars

"We're like two secret agents."
"You're gonna do all the work, right?"
- Lois and Ray in The Suprise Party

"Confucius saying: 'Woman with stupid husband gets stupid party.'"
"'Cause you're stupid!"
"'He who marry Raymond need look elsewhere for good time.'"
"'Cause you're stupid!"
- Robert and Frank in The Suprise Party

"I love surprises."
"Go upstairs and I'll surprise the heck out of you."
- Debra and Ray in The Suprise Party

"Like when a rodent gets into the root cellar, you don't want to bang it with a shovel...but you do."
- Pat in The Bird

"My father was barking and quacking because he was upset about the path of death and destruction that your parents have cut through the animal community!"
- Robert in The Bird

"Oh, we don't own a TV."
"I don't understand."
- Hank and Frank in The Bird

"I'll tell you what, my mother and my father...we're through with them!"
"You read my letter to Santa!"
- Ray and Debra in Jazz Records

"This is where I used to listen to 'em. I'd come home from a hard day's work, your mother would mix me a drink, I'd come down her, put on the hi-fi, and let Duke and Dizzy take me away...from your mother."
- Frank in Jazz Records

"I'm about to start scratching."
- Frank in Debra at the Lodge

"And you know what? I bet those gentlemen could teach you a thing or two."
"Oh, like what?how to wear my pants up high?"
- Debra and Ray in Debra at the Lodge

"Ha, very funny. You know, Ally, you shouldn't do that, okay, 'cause one day, you're gonna want me to notice, and, and now you're the girl who cried 'haircut.'"
- Ray in Whose Side Are You On?

"Listen, Robert, I mean, I know crime is bad, but do we really want to live this way, you know, always afraid, hiding behind an alarm? (Frank enters) We'll take this one."
- Debra in Security

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