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Here are some of our favorite quotes from Joey, Rachel and the gang. Did we miss one of your faves? Let us know by posting it on our Friends Message Board, and we'll add it to the list!


very funny Friends quotes:                                               << first   < prev       Page 17 of 18       next >   last >>

"It just seems like Ross is the kind of guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge."
- Joey in The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress

"I just like him SO much that I feel like I've had ten drinks today, and I've only had six!"
- Phoebe in The One With Joey's Award

"Um, I, uh... I'm your teacher. I'm sorry, you're... you're a student, and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs."
- Ross in The One With Joey's Award

"And the winner is... Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldn't be with us tonight so I'll be accepting this award on her behalf. And I'm sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. She'd also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel who's sittin' right there!"
- Joey in The One With Joey's Award

"Oh, right, right. Oh, remember the time I, uh, I pinned you down and tickled you until you cried? We're probably too old to do that now."
- Ross in The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin

"She's your cousin. She's your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head she'd think you were sick! Or would she? Let's back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in."
- Ross's Thoughts in The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin

"Say something clever! Okay, doesn't have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked, ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse! So just say something!"
- Ross's Thoughts in The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin

"How can you not remember us kissing?"
"I don't know. I don't remember a lot of things that never happened."
- Rachel and Melissa in The One With Rachel's Big Kiss

"I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl."
"Can I come?! I won't even talk! You'll just hear the noise from my video camera."
- Rachel and Joey in The One With Rachel's Big Kiss

"Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey's lewd version?"
"Joey's!"
- Rachel and Phoebe in The One With Rachel's Big Kiss

"You know, nine out of ten marriages end in divorce."
"Phoebe, that's not true."
"Yeah, you're right. How's the Mrs.?"
- Phoebe and Ross in The One With The Vows

"Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions."
- Ross in The One With The Vows

"Dude! How...how did you write this?"
"I stole Monica's and changed the name."
- Ross and Chandler in The One With The Vows

"It's a car Monica, not a rocket ship!"
"Whatever, Ross! Just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done!"
- Ross and Monica in The One With Chandler's Dad

"You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver."
"Well in high school, that added up to head cheerleader."
- Ross and Rachel in The One With Chandler's Dad

"Are you serious? I mean, like eloping? No more stupid wedding stuff? No more, 'these flowers or these flowers or these flowers?' Think of the money we'll save... We're not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?"
- Chandler in The One With Chandler's Dad

"Oh, Rach! Rach! Um, hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandler's dad, and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom?"
"Yeah. But I don't know what he looks like!"
"He is the man in the black dress."
- Monica and Rachel in The One With Chandler and Monica's Wedding (I)

"Hey Joey, what would you do if someone that you slept with told you that she was pregnant?"
"Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have an accent? I gotta make a call! I shoulda never walked into that Sunglass Hut!"
- Rachel and Joey in The One With Chandler And Monica's Wedding (I)

"Monica, we need more candy."
"There've only been, like, four kids."
I know, but one of them just said she loved me, so I gave her everything."
"No wonder you're pregnant."
- Rachel, Monica and Phoebe in The One With The Halloween Party

"Absolutely. Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas. And their birthdays. They get a little crazy during the summer, too. And anytime they're hungry or sleepy. Yeah, kids are tough. Good luck with that."
- Joey in The One With The Halloween Party

"I am so stupid. Of course she was lying. She's not a teacher. There's no such thing as The Top Secret Elementary School for the Children of Spies."
- Eric in The One With The Halloween Party

"Look, if I'm bringing home a woman who can't stand being around a baby, then maybe I don't want to be with that woman. Or maybe we'll just do it in the bathroom of the club."
- Joey in The One With The Stain

"I'm going out with Eric! Oh, this day is really going to be so much better than I thought it was going to be. Oh, Ross, I can't make lunch."
- Phoebe in The One With The Stain

"You're moving?"
"Yeah. I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, 'How you doin'?"
- Ross and Rachel in The One With The Stain

"Are you really pregnant?"
"Well, uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah."
- Dr. Green and Rachel in The One With The Stripper

"I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah."
- Phoebe in The One With The Stripper

"I get it, oh, but what relationship is not complicated? I mean, we all have our baggage. You must, too. Why else would you still be single? I'm so gonna leave right now."
- Rachel in The One With The Stripper

"Look at her standing there. My two worst enemies, Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates."
- Will in The One With The Rumor

"God we were lame back then... Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were? So, what do you do now?"
"So how long are you in town??"
- Will and Ross in The One With The Rumor

"Hi. I'd shake your hand, but it would be better for my ego if we don't stand next to each other."
- Chandler in The One With The Rumor

"I have a surprise. I had to pull some strings, but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference. That's right. These babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars."
"Do you have anything that will get us out of them?"
- Ross and Rachel in The One In Barbados (I)

"I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here to complain about the rain and ruin my career."
- Ross in The One In Barbados (I)

"David's going to propose to Phoebe tonight?"
"See what happens when you give people advice? I hope you told them not to? "
"That would be advice!"
- Chandler and Monica in The One In Barbados (II)

"What?"
"He said 'erectus'!"
- Charlie and Joey in The One In Barbados (II)

"Should I use my invisibility to fight crime, or for evil?"
- Chandler in The One In Barbados (II)

"What is this? Well, let's see. We kissed for ten minutes, and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade!"
- Rachel in The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss

"I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al."
- Chandler in The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss

"Bedsprings, unmistakable!"
"You do realise that's your brother?"
"Not until you said it. Somebody switch!"
- Monica and Chandler in The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss

"Okay, I guess it's just flan for three. Hey! Hey, that rhymes!"
- Ross in The One Where Ross Is Fine

"I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something! Or at least whisper it to people when they come in: Owen doesn't know he's adopted. And he also thinks Santa is real."
- Chandler in The One Where Ross Is Fine

"You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two, I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand. But what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bikehelmet on. I got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them Phoebe, three."
- Frank, Jr. in The One Where Ross Is Fine

"I'm sorry, this has never happened to me before. I'm an expert at taking off bras. I can do it with one hand. I can do it with my eyes closed. One time I just looked at one and it popped open! I blame your bra!"
- Joey in The One With Ross's Tan

"Stop staring at my wife's legs... better yet, stop staring at your sister's legs!"
- Chandler in The One With Ross's Tan

"Wow, that accident must have been terrible! You look positively ghastly!"
"Well, aren't you a treat."
- Amanda and Chandler in The One With Ross's Tan

"We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma, and we'll give it to her when she's 18."
"Oh, cool! Wow, it's like a time capsule. Oh, just think, she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't been invented yet. With friends who -- right now -- are just babies. And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!"
- Rachel and Phoebe in The One With The Cake

"Yes, yes, I still want my daughter's picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting, with nuts."
"To be fair, this one does have nuts."
- Rachel and Chandler in The One With The Cake

"Now, another way to organize your stuffed animals is by size."
"I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma, or for Monica?"
"Game?"
- Monica and Chandler in The One With The Cake

"You pierced her ears?"
"Doesn't it make her nose look smaller?"
- Rachel and Amy in The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits

"That is the hottest woman I've ever hated!"
- Joey in The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits

"Just so you know...however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether...whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake."
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
"It's in the cake, isn't it?"
- Phoebe in The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits

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