Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear from Santa

Many of us have fond memories of visiting Santa Claus. The rosy-cheeked purveyor of Christmas happiness always seemed to have something nice to say. Here, however, are some things that would've done psychological damage had he whispered them into your ear.

1. No, no, don't get up yet.
   
   
2. I know an elf that looks just like you.
   
   
3. How about a nice pinecone?
   
   
4. Want some venison?
   
   
5. Is that wet spot you or me?
   
   
6. Got any aspirin? Santa hit the eggnog hard last night.
   
   
7. Want to wear my beard?
   
   
8. Ever heard of child labor laws? Yeah, me either until my workshop got shutdown.
   
   
9. The heat in my car isn't working. Can I sleep on your couch?
   
   
10. You want new toys, huh? Well, I want a new kidney. Life's tough, kid.

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