" Message in a Bottle" Tear Jerky

Sink your teeth into this chewy meat treat, and stop crying over your lost love life!


  • 1/2 cup high quality brewed soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
  • 1 tbsp salt
  • 1/2 cup sambal chili paste
  • 1/3 cup brown sugar
  • 2 tbsp toasted sesame oil
  • 3 tbsp finely chopped garlic
  • 2 tbsp freshly cracked black pepper
  • 1 tbsp each garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne and chili flakes
  • 2 lbs organic flank, round or sirloin tip steak (Beef or Buffalo)
  • 1 tragic tale, told with gusto


  1. Partially freeze meat until firm, but not frozen. This makes it easier to slice.
  2. Slice into strips about 1" wide and less than 1/4" thick. (Slicing with the grain of the meat yields a chewier jerky, across the grain, more tender) Trim and discard as much fat as possible.
  3. Combine the seasoning ingredients in a large bowl. Add the trimmed, sliced meat with the marinade, cover and refrigerate anywhere from 2 to 16 hours. The longer, the better.
  4. Lay the marinated meat strips close together, but not overlapping directly on oiled oven racks. Place a large baking sheet or foil on the bottom of the oven to catch drips.
  5. Bake at 150-160°F until meat is dry but not crisp or brittle, anywhere from 5-10 hours, depending on the oven. Prop open oven door for the last two hours of cooking to facilitate drying.
  6. Finished jerky should be very dark mahogany in color and bend slightly without breaking. Pat off any beads of oil before storing in an airtight container or Ziploc bag.
  7. Enjoy the jerky with someone you love, and then dispatch them to the kitchen to retrieve yet another message in a bottle (of soap, that is) next to the most heartbreaking sight of all?a sink full of dishes.

Makes about one pound

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