Here are some of Madea and Family's bitterest bitterisms from Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman!


"'Peace be still.'" That's what he said." "Well, peace always comes with still..." [takes out gun] "'cause I keeps me a piece o' steel." - Madea to Myrtle

"Every time I try to read the Bible... and Jesus... the one with all the words in red... I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin' way too much." - Madea

"Dol-say and gab-anna, who 'dat is?" - Madea

"Rip it real good. Rip it." "Wait a minute. What is this going to solve?" "Nothing. It's just gonna make you feel better." - Madea to Helen

"I'll be at church when they get a smoking section." - Madea

"I've got Viagra." "Oh yeah? Well I've got mace." - Myrtleto Joe

"I'm not bitter. I'm mad as hell." - Helen

"You can get it one of two ways. You can get it from his checking account voluntarily, or his insurance policy. Involuntary manslaughter. Which one is it gon' be?" - Madea

"You know, I was watching the Animal Planet channel and they say that when a coyote is trapped, it will eat its own foot off to get out of the trap. You want some hot sauce? In your case it wouldn't be a coyote, it would be an elephant. A big old giraffe." "Say one more thing, Joe." [click of gun] "Say one more thing. I don't hear you. You're quiet, can I buy a vowel?" - Madea to Joe

"I aint scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe... Call da po po hoe." - Madea