Ignorance truly is bliss. Take a break from reality and enter another dimension of sight, sound and senselessness. Enter Randy's World!

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"I can’t remember with chickens are you supposed to play dead or punch 'em in the nose."
- Randy in Barn Burner

"I never understood how Bill is short for William. If anything Bill should be short for Billiam."
- Randy in O'Karma, Where Art Thou?

"How about this; I cut off my pinky toe and put it in a winky dinky hot dog then we'll get $10,000 to replace Pop's Hot Dog cart?"
- Randy in Stole P's Hd Cart

"I don't like to complain about free food but this hot dog taste like zoo."
- Randy in Stole P's Hd Cart

"Tinkle? That's so stupid. I wonder what he calls going ploppies?"
- Randy in Something to Live For

"I'm pledging. That means all these guys are gonna be my brothers. But, it's not like I have to get them Christmas presents or anything but maybe we'll have a secret Santa. If we do I hope I get Steve, he's got lots of interests and we wear the same size."
- Randy in The Professor

"I don't know why people complain about this asbestos stuff...it don't smell so bad."
- Randy in Didn't Pay Taxes

"These guys are so smart, Earl, they figured out how to put booze in food. 'Cept you can't eat too many or you pass out and they write 'balls' on you forehead in permanent marker."
- Randy in The Professor

"Look Earl! He’s got a trampoline! We should steal it and put it in the motel parking lot, then we could use it to go up and down from our room without ever having to use the stairs."
- Randy in Boogeyman

"If you’re getting locked up, you should save your cigarettes. They’re like money in jail and that’s the same for boy jail and girl jail."
- Randy in Bounty Hunter

"Why'd you ever have a crush on her? She's a bitch. And not the good kind like that 'Kiss My Grits' lady from the diner show. Kiss My Grits. We should go to Arizona."
- Randy in BB

"I’m starving Earl. Maybe we should go steal some food. You know I get angry when I’m hungry. Like the Hulk, only I don’t get all green and muscley, I just get dizzy and snap at people that don’t deserve it."
- Randy in Number One

"Well, The Jeffersons are real right? 'Cause we saw Mr. Jefferson at the boat show last year. Remember, we paid him a dollar to say "Weezie"."
- Randy in Jump for Joy

"If you make friends with anybody, make friends with the tall guy. I know where there's a frisbee stuck in a tree."
- Randy in Sticks and Stones

"Every day of my life revolves around you believing in karma. Plus, we always buy the kind of cereal you like."
- Randy in Larceny of a Kitty Cat

"She liked me Earl. Even when I laughed so hard I ripped one, she laughed so hard she ripped one."
- Randy in Larceny of a Kitty Cat

"I bet nuns are awesome basketball players, especially the ones who can fly."
- Randy in Made a Lady Think I was God

"Oh no you didn't. Tell me you didn't just go old school."
- Randy in Bounty Hunter

"When you said “different cavity”, did you mean “butt cavity”?...Sometimes I don't like the world we live in."
- Randy in BB

"He's not just drunk, Earl. He's "Uncle Roger" drunk. I miss Uncle Roger."
- Randy in BB

"I bet he's had twenty beers today. That's how many I had when I tried to plug the television into that dog."
- Randy in BB

"If Dad was mayor, we'd get to wear top hats and sashes and get to judge beauty contests."
- Randy in Cost Dad the Election

"Man, I wish I had robot legs. Or robot hands. Robot hands would be cool. With like a knife finger, and a spoon finger, and a fork finger, and a toothbrush finger, and a comb finger, and a bottle opener finger, and a flashlight finger, and a screwdriver finger. But regular thumbs. You gotta have regular thumbs."
- Randy in Cost Dad the Election

"For the reception, how should I have my chicken, grilled or McNuggetted? If I check 'McNuggeted,' do you think they'll let me have two different dipping sauces? I like hot mustard for the first bite, but I like to chase it with a little honey on the second bite. You know, it's like having a small meal followed by a tiny dessert every ten to fifteen seconds."
- Randy in Joy's Wedding

"If you cut me in half I wouldn't fight with my legs. I'd try to work with them to get us to a hospital."
- Randy in BB

"Yeah. Richer than what-you-talkin-bout's white daddy."
- Randy in Stole a Badge

"I've never shaved a man's face before. I saw Footloose's wife do it in that movie where the cool Sweathog could break mirrors with his brains. It looked easy. The shaving the Sweathog's face. Not the breaking mirrors with your brains. I think they did that with trick photography."
- Randy in Monkeys in Space

"You're going to girl jail. That's way different than regular jail...Cuz it's chicks. It's just Truth or Dare and pillow fights. Like a slumber party."
- Randy in Bounty Hunter

"Earl, you gotta touch this, it's really hot."
- Randy in Broke Joy's Fancy Figurine

"Come on Bandit. We got a long way to go and a short time to get there."
- Randy in Stole Beer from a Golfer

"Yeah buddy. The only thing is if it involves math or spelling or anything like that we might need a little extra time cause we’re not really like the geniuses you think we are."
- Randy in Stole P's Hd Cart

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