Time Person of the Year 2017: Chad

Dec 05 2017
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Ahead of tomorrow’s announcement of the Time Person of the Year 2017, Full Frontal has received an exclusive first look at the man himself: Chad, that guy you know!

 

About Chad:

  • Frequents the comment section of every Facebook article about feminism
  • Veteran of the War on Christmas
  • Tweets to “get the truth out there”
  • Favorite movie is Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
  • Hates vegetables
  • Believes he’s single because he’s “too nice”
  • Doesn’t believe in the female orgasm
  • Thinks his mom is a bitch
  • Flies a confederate flag to honor his “heritage” but grew up in Cleveland
  • Somehow still dresses exclusively in Hollister
  • Believes “real news” only comes from his buddy Greg’s blogspot (Greg has a cousin who works “for the government”)
  • Has TruckNutz
  • Refers to self as “woke”
  • Hasn’t read a book in seven years
  • Calls tea “gay”
  • Hates Obamacare but has insurance through the ACA
  • Lives on Reddit
  • Thinks Ghostbusters should have been men (doesn’t know about the original)
  • Briefly involved in a pyramid scheme
  • Thinks the phrase is “bone app the teeth”
  • Believes people don’t laugh at his jokes because they’re “snowflakes” (he is not funny)
  • Arrested four times for public intoxication
  • Currently trapped in his basement

We’re so proud of you, Chad!