Submission to be Head Writer of Fox & Friends

Feb 09 2018
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Fox & Friends, President Trump’s favorite morning show is hiring a new head writer. We would love to throw our hat in the ring. Below, please find our submission.


FOX & FRIENDS HEAD WRITER SUBMISSION PACKET

Experience:

- 7 years on Twitter

- Owner of a traditional tube television

- White

- Fire a gun every single day

- Voted “Most Likely to go to Heaven” at good girl camp

- When I get a drink from Starbucks, I have them make it in my hand so I don’t hold one of their cups.

- One credit away from a degree in journalism from Rutgers

 

SAMPLE HEADLINES:

Double Standard? Nancy Pelosi Talks for 8 Hours on House Floor Without Letting a Single Man Speak

Eagles V. Patriots: Sounds Patriotic, But Why Are There No Teams Named After The Veterans?

Liberal Shadow Government Agency FBI Collects Information on Black Protestors

Thank You, President Trump! America Sends Athletes To Olympics Just One Year Into Trump Presidency

Illegitimately-Elected President Bush Claims Russian Meddling Did Occur in 2016 Election

Kim Jong Un Holds Military Parade, Copying President Trump

#MeToo Gone Too Far? Sex Abuse Allegations Hit White House for the First Time

Thank You, President Trump! Stock Market is Low Enough for Forgotten Americans to Invest

 

STORY PITCHES THE MAINSTREAM LIBERAL MEDIA ARE MISSING:

The White Blue Collar Worker: Where are they now?

President Trump: He’s doing a good job.

DREAMERs Leeching on America: Meet the white American boy who hasn’t had a single dream since he was hit in the head at a baseball game.

Uranium One: Checking back in on that

Hillary’s Emails

Major Government Conspiracy: How the FBI elected Hillary Clinton President of the United States.