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SCHEDULE: July 2014

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Thursday, July 24

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Challenge, The
When Jeff, Russell, and Adam make a bet to see who would be able to score the soonest, the three put their thinking caps on and rise up to the challenge. In the meantime, Russell's new assistant Timmy is also put into place as a watch guard for Russell. But when a series of unfortunate events begin to unwind, Jeff, Russell, and Adam are left out to hang with minutes to spare, leaving only one winner that takes everyone by surprise.
TV-14
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Robbed a Stoner Blind
Earl and Randy find the next man (Christian Slater) on the list living an eco-friendly life on a commune, prompting Earl to try to save the world from global warming.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Stepford Peg, The
Peggy's amnesia allows Al to mold her into the perfect wife.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Children of the Corns
Al and Griff try to blackmail their sweatshop-owning boss for a raise.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Regift Episode, The
Suzanne is upset when Marilyn gives her an ugly bracelet as a present, but things get even uglier when Nick sees it and realizes he bought it for Marilyn and that she's re-gifted. Starring Rickey Smiley.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Candlelight Dinner
Brown sabotages reggie when he plans a romantic dinner for Cora. Meanwhile Joaquin has a crush on Simone.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Payneful Rescue
Miranda and Calvin deal the with aftermath of the fire.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Triple Date
Danny arranges a triple date for Joey, Jesse and himself, but he is surprised when he discovers his date once had a serious relationship with Jesse.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Granny Gets Busy
Will plays matchmaker for Philip's mother and the handyman.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Guess Who's Coming to Marry?
Will's mother forbids him to attend his aunt's interracial wedding.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Big Four-Oh, The
On her birthday, Vivian has a mid-life crisis.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
She Ain't Heavy
An overweight blind date affects Will.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
American Prankster
A series of escalating pranks between Rallo and Cleveland Jr. lands Rallo in court, where he's sentenced to serve time in juvenile hall.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
B.M.O.C.
While researching potential colleges for Roberta to attend, Cleveland visits his old fraternity, where he's made a fool of; Rallo becomes a substitute for Junior's stuffed animal.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Bush Comes to Dinner
President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
American Dream Factory
Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, so he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
A.T. The Abusive Terrestrial
Feeling shunned by Steve, Roger befriends a new boy, Henry. Their honeymoon is short lived as Henry starts abusing Roger. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine hijack the Pibbmobile in an effort to save the fledgling soft drink from going off the market forever.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Black Mystery Month
While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Santa Claustrophobia
Carrie drives Doug crazy when she takes a part-time job at IPS during the holiday season; Arthur tries to bring everyone together for a Christmas portrait.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Thanks Man
Carrie forces a stranded motorist to wait out in the cold on Thanksgiving Day.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Tells..., The
The real father of Rachel's baby is revealed; Monica and Chandler struggle to make their honeymoon flight.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Videotape, The
Ross reveals that he videotaped a sexual encounter between Rachel and him.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Date, The
Ross is horrified when Rachel goes on a date with a soap-opera star (Johnny Messner); Phoebe is attracted to a clumsy chef whom Monica wants to fire.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Stain, The
Rachel wants to find her own apartment; Phoebe is ecstatic when Eric (Sean Penn) dumps Ursula to date her.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wink, The
An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Hot Tub, The
Elaine's house guest arrives for the city's marathon; Kramer gets a hot tub.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Secret Code, The
George conceals his ATM code from fiancee Susan; guest John O'Hurley.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pool Guy, The
The pool man at Jerry's health club wants to be his best friend.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Whistle While Your Wife Works
When Peter's boss (Carrie Fisher) tells him he needs to pick up the pace, Lois goes to the brewery to help him.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Prick Up Your Ears
Lois volunteers to teach a sex-ed class at the high school when she learns that Chris has some incorrect information on the subject.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Desperation Emanation, The
Sheldon meets Amy Farrah Fowler's mother, and comes to the realization that he no longer wants to see Amy; and Leonard realizes that everyone is in a relationship except for him.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Irish Pub Formulation, The
When Raj's sister has a one-day layover he forbids the others from hooking up with her, unaware she and Leonard already did long ago.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Apology Insufficiency, The
The rest of the gang is interviewed by the FBI for Wolowitz's security clearance, with Sheldon accidentally letting slip some damaging information. (Eliza Dushku guest stars)
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
21-Second Excitation, The
The guys camp out in line to see a print of Raiders of the Lost Ark with :21 extra seconds and are outraged to see Wil Wheaton and his friends being allowed to skip the line. Penny and Bernadette invite Amy to their girls night.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4600
Guests: Dwayne Johnson, Taye Diggs, Tori Amos
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Back from Vacation
Michael returns from his Jamaican vacation; an e-mail of a racy vacation photo makes the rounds of the office.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4600
Guests: Dwayne Johnson, Taye Diggs, Tori Amos
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Traveling Salesmen
Andy suggests that Michael team up the staff for sales calls; Dwight tries to cover for Angela when she misses a deadline.
TV-14
2:00 am
Funniest Wins
Roasted
Marlon Wayans reveals that this week's first guest mentor, DeRay Davis, is there to coach the comedians through their first challenge, which is the ultimate comedy snap rap battle in the gritty streets of Los Angeles. In the elimination challenge, they must compete in a no-holds-barred roast of TV and hip-hop star, Ray J.
TV-MA
3:00 am
Movie
Sex Drive
At 18, Ian Lafferty is struggling through his last summer before college. He's taunted by his cocksure older brother Rex, shown up in the romance department by his 14-year-old younger brother and humiliated by his job at the donut shop in the mall. But Ian's biggest problem is that he's about to start college as a virgin! He's determined to rectify that before he officially becomes a freshman and his devil-may-care pal Lance is on hand to help. A total washout out with the girl of his dreams and longtime "best friend" Felicia, Ian resorts to the Internet for dates. He soon hooks up with Ms. Tasty, a flaming hot blonde who can't wait to get busy. But there's one tiny catch: Ian has to drive 500 miles from Chicago to Knoxville to consummate the deal. Egged on by Lance, Ian risks life and limb by appropriating "The Judge," Rex's prized vintage Pontiac GTO, for a cross-country "sex drive." With Lance and Felicia in tow, the planned eight-hour drive turns into a three-day marathon as the trio loses its way in the Heartland and ends up taking a scenic tour of Midwestern back roads. Car trouble, a stint in the pokey, a detour to an Amish farm and an afternoon at a roadside carnival all complicate Ian's journey, but it's Lance's overactive libido that really threatens to derail his plans. Will Rex find him before he reaches Nirvana? Will a cuckolded husband exact revenge on Lance just as he seems to have found true love? Will Ms. Tasty live up to her Internet profile? Will Ian realize what it is he really wants? And most importantly, Will Ian, Felicia and Lance survive the perilous road to adulthood with all its unexpected twists and turns?
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Crimes Against Obesity
As he's trying to celebrate his birthday, Al is put on trial by a group of obese women.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Born a Gamblin Man
While delivering sandwiches to a former classmate, Earl decides to help make him a real man by teaching him to gamble.
TV-14
 

Friday, July 25

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Family Style
When Audrey plans a dinner date with Jeff, Jackie and Brad, Jeff feels extremely violated when Jackie begins eating off his plate! Meantime, when Russell finds out his new fling (a psychotherapist), Ellen, won't see him as a patient, he quickly gets creative and decides to use Timmy to find out why he is the way he is.
TV-14
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
South of the Border Part Uno
After Earl accidentally gets Catalina deported, he and Randy go on a mission to get her back.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly's Gotta Habit
As Kelly agrees to give up sex for a big TV commercial, Al teams with Officer Dan for an appearance on Cops.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Chevyweight (1)
Al struggles to find a part for his ailing car.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Suzanne Gets Arrested Episode, The
When Suzanne's stubborn need to argue her point gets her arrested, she starts to change her ways - but not necessarily for the better.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Break Out
After a bad break up, Will and Sasha match make for Renee. Meanwhile Brown is recruited to do a TV testimonial for a body cream which causes him to breakout.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Roommate Paynes
C.J. and Janine are uncomfortable with Malik having a female roommate. Meanwhile, Claretha tries alternative cancer treatments.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Our Very First Christmas Show
The Tanners are dreaming of a white Christmas in Colorado, but their mood turns sad when they are snowed in at an airport en route.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Cased Up
Philip's protege (Malcolm-Jamal Warner) sues Will after a car accident.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Hi Ho Silver
Will and Carlton think a party guest (Zsa Zsa Gabor) stole the silverware.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Butler Did It, The
Will and Carlton rent out the house for a video shoot.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Something for Nothing
Will wins the raffle at Phil's political fund-raiser.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Jesus Walks
A cute girl entices Cleveland Jr. to join the church choir; Cleveland thinks Donna may be cheating on him.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Flush of Genius
Cleveland attempts to make toilet seats safer; Rallo thinks he's tall enough to ride his favorite rollercoaster.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Apocalypse to Remember, An
A misunderstanding at the CIA leads Stan to believe it's the end of the world. Even after he realizes his error, he keeps his family convinced they are the last people on Earth so they can respect him. Meanwhile, Roger gets married so he can buy a new blender.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Four Little Words
Stan goes to great lengths to never, ever end up in a situation ending with Francine telling him, "I told you so." She lets him hook his boss Bullock up with her friend, but when Bullock accidentally kills the woman, Stan frames Francine so that she'll stop asking questions.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
When Stan Loves a Woman
Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine's past really was. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
I Can't Stan You
Stan drives himself crazy worrying about the neighborhood's opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Frigid Heirs
After Arthur wins $2,500 playing bingo, a dispute erupts over how the money should be spent.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Switch Sitters
Deacon and Kelly decide to take Arthur out to dinner so Doug and Carrie can be alone, but they ignore a warning about Arthur's reaction to spicy food.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Stripper, The
Rachel tells her belligerent father (Ron Leibman) that she is pregnant with Ross' child.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Monica's Boots, The
Chandler is angry when Monica buys expensive boots; Phoebe tries to get tickets to a Sting concert.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Dates Rachel, The
Rachel joins Joey for a night out in order to prepare him for a big date.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Takes a Bath, The
Monica blabs her suspicions when she mistakenly believes Joey is infatuated with Phoebe.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Sponge, The
Elaine considers intimacy with her new boyfriend (Scott Patterson).
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Gum, The
Kramer complicates Jerry's quest to locate a special brand of Chinese gum.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bottle Deposit, The (Part 1)
Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Bottle Deposit, The (Part 2)
Jerry's mechanic steals his car; Kramer plans to return used bottles to Michigan.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Chick Cancer
Stewie marries his old friend Olivia; Lois introduces Peter to chick flicks.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Barely Legal
Meg cannot find a date for the junior prom, so Brian goes with her.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Rupert
Brian accidentally sells Stewie's beloved teddy bear, Rupert; Meg must drive Peter around after he loses his license.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter's Two Dads
After Peter's dad dies, he finds out that his real father lives in Ireland; Stewie realizes that he likes when Lois spanks him, so he purposely gets into trouble.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Sound of Funny, The
Marlon Wayans tells the comedians that this week is all about making funny music. With help from musical comedy experts Owen Benjamin, Todrick Hall, and Tenacious D's Kyle Gass, the six comedians pair up to write hilarious songs and shoot videos to go with them in less than 48 hours. Only the funniest can win as the rest are up for elimination.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Sound of Funny, The
Marlon Wayans tells the comedians that this week is all about making funny music. With help from musical comedy experts Owen Benjamin, Todrick Hall, and Tenacious D's Kyle Gass, the six comedians pair up to write hilarious songs and shoot videos to go with them in less than 48 hours. Only the funniest can win as the rest are up for elimination.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Old School
A trio of thirty-something buddies tries to recapture the outrageous, irrepressible fun of their college years by starting their own off-campus frat house. Mitch, Frank and Beanie have all reached a crossroads in their lives. They can choose to be responsible adults, with wives, families and steady jobs--or they can postpone adulthood in favor of the reckless abandon of frat house living with all the fun and none of the education. No contest.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
I Love You, Man
Peter Klaven is a successful real estate agent who, upon getting engaged to the woman of his dreams, Zooey, discovers, to his dismay and chagrin, that he has no male friend close enough to serve as his Best Man. Peter immediately sets out to rectify the situation, embarking on a series of bizarre and awkward "man-dates," before meeting Sydney Fife, a charming, opinionated man with whom he instantly bonds. But the closer the two men get, the more Peter's relationship with Zooey suffers, ultimately forcing him to choose between his fiancée and his new found "bro," in a story that comically explores what it truly means to be a "friend."
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Juggs Have Left the Building, The
Peggy and Kelly team up as a singing duo for a talent contest in Branson, Missouri.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Requiem for a Chevyweight (2)
Following the death of his Dodge, Al sets out to get a new car.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
Matt About You
A bully's mean trick gets Matt in trouble with his parents.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
South of the Border Part Dos
While Earl befriends hostage-taker Diego (John Leguizamo), Randy encounters a married couple who use him to fill a void in their lives.
TV-14
 

Saturday, July 26

6:00 am
Married With Children
Bud on the Side
Al's boss falls in love with Bud.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Bundy Thanksgiving, A
An untimely death threatens Al's Thanksgiving tradition; Kelly tries to a pet turkey from becoming a holiday dinner.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Funniest Wins
Sound of Funny, The
Marlon Wayans tells the comedians that this week is all about making funny music. With help from musical comedy experts Owen Benjamin, Todrick Hall, and Tenacious D's Kyle Gass, the six comedians pair up to write hilarious songs and shoot videos to go with them in less than 48 hours. Only the funniest can win as the rest are up for elimination.
TV-14
8:00 am
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
It's All Wood
CeeLo sees double when Gipp, Khujo and T-Mo find a way for him to be in two places at once.
TV-14
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Pledging Paynes
Malik gets hazed.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Other Side
Cora is shocked to see another side of Reggie. Meanwhile Brown refers Derek to the hospital as his assistant but Derek holds back so Brown can keep his job.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Are We There Yet ?
Second Black President Episode, The
When Kevin enters a campaign for class president, Suzanne wants him to run a clean campaign but Terrence (the Karl Rove of school elections) is adamant that he must go negative. GUest starring Ice Cube.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Cheap Saks
Carrie discovers Doug's annoying ex-girlfriend (Janeane Garofalo) has an employee discount at Saks Fifth Avenue.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Damned Yankee
Carrie catches Doug fantasizing about other women while he is under sedation at the hospital.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie
Envy
Tim and Nick are best friends, neighbors and co-workers, whose equal footing is suddenly tripped up when one of Nick's hare-brained get-rich-quick schemes actually succeeds: the Vaporizer, a spray that literally makes dog poop, or any other kind for that matter, evaporate into thin air--to where, exactly, is anyone's guess. Tim, who had scoffed at Nick's idea and passed on an opportunity to get in on the deal, can only watch as Nick's fortune--and Tim's own envy--grow to equally outrageous proportions. When the flames of jealousy are fanned by an oddball drifter who imposes himself into the situation, Tim's life careens wildly out of control, taking Nick's with it.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Old School
A trio of thirty-something buddies tries to recapture the outrageous, irrepressible fun of their college years by starting their own off-campus frat house. Mitch, Frank and Beanie have all reached a crossroads in their lives. They can choose to be responsible adults, with wives, families and steady jobs--or they can postpone adulthood in favor of the reckless abandon of frat house living with all the fun and none of the education. No contest.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Secret Closet, The
Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Tells Rachel, The
Rachel joins Joey for a night out in order to prepare him for a big date.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Tea Leaves, The
Rachel devises a lie about her unborn child that she hopes will break the silence between her and Joey; Phoebe reads tea leaves and predicts she will soon encounter the man of her dreams.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Massapequa, The
Phoebe brings her annoyingly upbeat boyfriend (Alec Baldwin) to the 35th anniversary of Monica and Ross' parents (Christina Pickles, Elliott Gould), who urge Ross and pregnant Rachel to pretend to be married.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Multiple Plots
Carrie, still unemployed, helps Holly with dog walking; Arthur sells his burial plot to Spence's mother, Veronica (Anne Meara).
TV-PG
5:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Trash Talker
Doug's grade school nemesis (Jon Favreau) is Deacon's new friend and may become Carrie's new boss.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Ingrate, The
Debra is hurt when Ray receives an honorary doctorate and thanks everyone except her in his acceptance speech. He claims it was accidental, but Debra is quick to remind him of past snubs that were all too deliberate.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Crazy Chin
Amy's parents put Robert on the defensive when they point out his strange habit of touching food to his chin before he eats it.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Nice Talk, The
When the MacDougals are invited to spend Easter with the Barones, the families attempt to bond over a 500-piece puzzle.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Blabbermouths
When Robert informs Ray that Amy filled him in on some juicy gossip about him, Ray decides to get even with Debra by sharing some nasty secrets of his own.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Terminator Decoupling, The
The gang is thrilled when they see Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Summer Glau is also aboard their train to San Francisco for a scientific symposium. Meanwhile, Sheldon frets over having forgotten a paper he wants to present to George Smoot.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Excelsior Acquisition, The
An appearance in traffic court comes at the worst possible time for Sheldon; the same day Stan Lee is appearing at the comic book store.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hot Troll Deviation, The
Wolowitz is embarrassed when a secret of his is revealed; and Sheldon and Raj battle at work.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Russian Rocket Reaction, The
Sheldon and Leonard get invited to a housewarming party at WIL WHEATON's house; while Howard gets an out-of-this-world opportunity!
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Transporter Malfunction, The
It's a dream come true for Sheldon when he has a close encounter with his hero, Mr. Spock -- legendary sci-fi icon LEONARD NIMOY.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Habitation Configuration, The
Bernadette pressures Howard to move out of his mother's house, while Sheldon finds himself caught in the middle of a fight between Amy and Wil Wheaton.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Lyle & Son
When Steve's old rival, Lyle Winkler (Billy Gardell) opens a bar across the street, we find out he's out to take Steve down as payback for a childhood wrestling match. They settle their differences with a big bartending competition. Meanwhile, Carol's new boss at the DMV, Ralph (Frank Caliendo) drives her crazy with impressions.
TV-14
11:30 pm
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
It's All Wood
CeeLo sees double when Gipp, Khujo and T-Mo find a way for him to be in two places at once.
TV-14
12:00 am
Funniest Wins
Sound of Funny, The
Marlon Wayans tells the comedians that this week is all about making funny music. With help from musical comedy experts Owen Benjamin, Todrick Hall, and Tenacious D's Kyle Gass, the six comedians pair up to write hilarious songs and shoot videos to go with them in less than 48 hours. Only the funniest can win as the rest are up for elimination.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Due Date
Peter Highman is an expectant first-time father whose wife''s due date is a mere five days away. As Peter hurries to catch a flight home from Atlanta to be at her side for the birth, his best intentions go completely awry when a chance encounter with aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay forces Peter to hitch a ride with Ethan--on what turns out to be a cross-country road trip that will ultimately destroy several cars, numerous friendships and Peter''s last nerve.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Evan Almighty
Newly elected to Congress, the polished, preening newscaster, Evan Baxter, is the next one anointed by God to accomplish a holy mission--walking in the footsteps of Bruce Almighty. Evan leaves Buffalo behind and shepherds his family to suburban northern Virginia. Once there, his life gets turned upside-down when God appears and mysteriously commands him to build an ark. But his befuddled family just can't decide whether Evan is having an extraordinary mid-life crisis or is truly onto something of Biblical proportions.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Live Nude Peg
Al falls in love with a stripper, unaware that she's actually his wife.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
God Help Ye Merry Bundymen
As Al and Griff lose their jobs on Christmas Eve, Marcy and Jefferson's entry in a neighborhood contest is sabotaged by Kelly and Bud.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, July 27

6:00 am
Married With Children
T*R*A*S*H
Al and Griff join Jefferson in the National Guard.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Babe in Toyland, A
Kelly becomes a prima donna after being asked to fill in on a popular children's television program.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (1)
A party game sends Al and Peggy to a marriage counselor; Kelly squares off in the boxing ring against a rival actress.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Sullivan & Son
Lyle & Son
When Steve's old rival, Lyle Winkler (Billy Gardell) opens a bar across the street, we find out he's out to take Steve down as payback for a childhood wrestling match. They settle their differences with a big bartending competition. Meanwhile, Carol's new boss at the DMV, Ralph (Frank Caliendo) drives her crazy with impressions.
TV-14
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Joey's Interview, The
When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One With the Baby Shower, The
During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's (Marlo Thomas) offer to move in to help with the child.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Dan in Real Life
Widowed father and family-advice columnist Dan Burns is still reeling from the heartache of loss and takes refuge by trying to maintain order with his three rebellious young girls, while dodging anything unexpected or outside the box. But when Dan heads to Rhode Island, his miffed daughters in tow, for the annual fall weekend thrown by the large and boisterous Burns family, everything changes. Soon after his arrival, he runs into an alluring woman named Marie in a bookshop. For the first time in a very, very long time, Dan experiences real, live sparks--only to have to douse them liberally when he discovers Marie is, in fact, the brand-new girlfriend his brother Mitch is about to proudly introduce to the family. As the weekend gets underway in the close quarters of a crowded house filled with quirky, prying relatives, Dan and Marie try to squelch and cover up their growing mutual attraction at every turn, leading to one comical situation after another. Yet, no matter how hard they try to do the very opposite, Dan and Marie can't help but fall in love. Now Dan is about to realize that no matter how wise safety might seem, when it comes to real life, he's going to have to break all the rules.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Evan Almighty
Newly elected to Congress, the polished, preening newscaster, Evan Baxter, is the next one anointed by God to accomplish a holy mission--walking in the footsteps of Bruce Almighty. Evan leaves Buffalo behind and shepherds his family to suburban northern Virginia. Once there, his life gets turned upside-down when God appears and mysteriously commands him to build an ark. But his befuddled family just can't decide whether Evan is having an extraordinary mid-life crisis or is truly onto something of Biblical proportions.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
Toronto Blue Jays @ New York Yankees
4:00 pm
Movie
Zoolander
The international misadventures of fashion model Derek Zoolander, who is hired to stop a secret cartel of political assassins posing as male models. Derek soon discovers the horrifying secret of why no male models live past the age of thirty. While Derek tries to infiltrate the fashion/assassin clique led by the mean-spirited designer Mugatu, he must also contend with Hansel, a dense, on-the-rise male model who threatens to sabotage his mission--as well as his modeling career.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Due Date
Peter Highman is an expectant first-time father whose wife''s due date is a mere five days away. As Peter hurries to catch a flight home from Atlanta to be at her side for the birth, his best intentions go completely awry when a chance encounter with aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay forces Peter to hitch a ride with Ethan--on what turns out to be a cross-country road trip that will ultimately destroy several cars, numerous friendships and Peter''s last nerve.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hangover, The
Two days before his wedding, Doug and his three buddies drive to Vegas for a blow-out night they''ll never forget. But when the three groomsmen wake up the next morning with pounding headaches, they can''t remember a thing. Their posh hotel suite is beyond trashed and the groom is nowhere to be found. With no clue of what happened and little time to spare, the trio must attempt to retrace their bad decisions from the night before in order to figure out where things went wrong and hopefully get Doug back to L.A. in time for his wedding. However, the more they begin to uncover, the more they realize just how much trouble they''re really in.
TV-14
10:15 pm
Movie
Heartbreak Kid, The
After years of bachelorhood and ample pressure from his father, Doc, and best friend Mac, Eddie Cantrow starts to wonder if he is being too picky about the women he meets. So when a chance encounter with an alluring blonde named Lila leads to a sweet romance, Eddie impulsively proposes. But right after the wedding, as the newlyweds get to know each other on the drive down the California coast, Eddie begins to realize he's made a terrible mistake. Soon after reaching their exotic Mexican hideaway, he falls for the down-to-earth Miranda, who has no clue he's on his honeymoon. Now Eddie has to find a way to extricate himself from his days-old marriage without losing the girl of his dreams.
TV-14
12:31 am
Movie
Zoolander
The international misadventures of fashion model Derek Zoolander, who is hired to stop a secret cartel of political assassins posing as male models. Derek soon discovers the horrifying secret of why no male models live past the age of thirty. While Derek tries to infiltrate the fashion/assassin clique led by the mean-spirited designer Mugatu, he must also contend with Hansel, a dense, on-the-rise male model who threatens to sabotage his mission--as well as his modeling career.
TV-14
2:31 am
Movie
Heartbreak Kid, The
After years of bachelorhood and ample pressure from his father, Doc, and best friend Mac, Eddie Cantrow starts to wonder if he is being too picky about the women he meets. So when a chance encounter with an alluring blonde named Lila leads to a sweet romance, Eddie impulsively proposes. But right after the wedding, as the newlyweds get to know each other on the drive down the California coast, Eddie begins to realize he's made a terrible mistake. Soon after reaching their exotic Mexican hideaway, he falls for the down-to-earth Miranda, who has no clue he's on his honeymoon. Now Eddie has to find a way to extricate himself from his days-old marriage without losing the girl of his dreams.
TV-14
4:46 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
5:00 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (2)
When Al moves out, he and Peggy throw themselves into the singles scene, with widely different results.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Breaking Up Is Easy to Do (3)
While Al finds single life dismal, Peggy tries to land a new husband.
TV-PG
 

Monday, July 28

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
May Divorce Be with You
When Audrey invites her and Jeff's recently divorced out of luck friend Steve to stay with them for a few days, Audrey thinks she may have become Steve's newest rebound. Meanwhile, Russell's love em' and leave em' antics have finally caught up with him when his newest fling Tina's overprotective brothers manage to track Russell down and make him follow through with his never ending empty promises.
TV-14
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Our Cops Is On
Earl, Randy, Joy, Darnell and other Camden County residents relive the day that they were filmed for the show ``Cops.''
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Birthday Boy Toy
As Jefferson's worries about getting old force him into taking a job, Al tries to cure Peggy's shopping addiction.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Damn Bundys
Al sells his soul for a chance to play in the Super Bowl.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Green Episode, The
The family decides to "go green," but it's much harder than they thought and they realize sometimes you have to choose between saving the planet and saving your family.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the House Guest
While Reggie is out of town, Thelma stays at the Brown house. Meanwhile Renee borrows money from Will.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Payback
Calvin plans to get revenge on Travis Harris for shooting him. Curtis makes plans with Ella then pretends to be sick when he gets tickets to a baseball game. When footage of Curtis at the game is aired, Curtis does everything he can to keep Ella from finding out.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Middle Age Crazy
Stephanie feels the loneliness and frustration of being the middle child.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Christmas Show
A robber makes off with the family's Christmas gifts.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Hilary Gets a Life
Hilary must work for a caterer after her credit cards are shredded.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
My Brother's Keeper
Will plans to impress a college basketball scout.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Geoffrey Cleans Up
Geoffrey is attracted to a woman beneath him socially.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Mama Drama
As Mother's Day approaches, Cleveland hires an actress to impersonate Dee Dee, Donna's estranged mother.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
All You Can Eat
After undergoing a stylish makeover, Cleveland Junior asks a girl to accompany him to the school prom. Mistakenly believing that Junior is a lesbian like her, the girl accepts.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Magnificent Steven, The
Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day. Meanwhile, Roger pits Francine and Hayley against each other for his own amusement.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Joint Custody
Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida where there is a warrent out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. The rest of the family wants to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Vacation Goo, The
The family finds out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to make it up to Francine by taking the family on a real cruise, but, when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentleman's club.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Meter Made
n order to be taken more seriously and to be a somebody, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Precedent Nixin'
Carrie's plan to stay at a hotel, while visiting her in-laws in Florida, backfires when their hotel is overrun by spring breakers.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Foe: Pa
When Arthur embarrasses Carrie at a job interview, Doug must heal the breach between father and daughter.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1), The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 2), The
The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One Proposes, The
Joey finds himself engaged to Rachel soon after she delivers her baby girl, while Phoebe assumes Ross is the one who proposed.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Emma Cries, The
Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Rye, The
George's and Susan's parents have dinner together for the first time.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Caddy, The
Kramer befriends a caddy (Armin Shimerman) who helps him improve his golf game.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cadillac, The (Part 1)
Jerry surprises his parents (Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan) with a new Cadillac.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Cadillac, The (Part 2)
Jerry surprises his parents (Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan) with a new Cadillac.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The
Peter beats up a bully who harasses Chris; Stewie obsesses over getting a tan then fears he has cancer after spending too much time in a tanning booth.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Airport '07
Peter causes Quagmire to lose his job as a pilot; Hugh Hefner gives Quagmire advice, which leads him to save the day.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey
After Peter helps Bill Clinton fix a flat tire, they become friends; Lois and Stewie try to potty train Brian.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Boyfriend Complexity, The
Penny asks Leonard to lie to her visiting father (Keith Carradine), while Howard, Raj & Bernadette spend all night looking through a telescope.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Alien Parasite Hypothesis, The
Amy crushes on one of Penny's dim ex-boyfriends, Zack. Raj and Wolowitz argue over who'd be the better superhero.
TV-14
10:30 pm
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
You Can't Fight Fire
While in Vegas for the debut of CeeLo's big stage show, CeeLo and Gipp go to an animal refuge to find a tiger for CeeLo to ride. Meanwhile, Larry rides CeeLo about his diet, and T-Mo and Khujo take a joy ride.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4571
Guests: Will Arnett, Melissa Rauch, Ryan Hamilton.
TV-14
12:00 am
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
You Can't Fight Fire
While in Vegas for the debut of CeeLo's big stage show, CeeLo and Gipp go to an animal refuge to find a tiger for CeeLo to ride. Meanwhile, Larry rides CeeLo about his diet, and T-Mo and Khujo take a joy ride.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4571
Guests: Will Arnett, Melissa Rauch, Ryan Hamilton.
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Return, The
Oscar returns from his long vacation; Andy takes advantage of events to get closer to Michael; Jim gets Karen and Pam to help stage a prank on a new target.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Beaver, The
Walter Black is suffering from depression. Walter soon hits bottom, gets drunk and, upon waking up, is introduced to "the Beaver" - a puppet Walter had found in the trash and put on his hand during his drinking binge - who suddenly speaks to him, in a British accent. With the help of the Beaver (a facet of Walter's personality), Walter gets a new lease on life and returns home with dramatic results.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Chicago Shoe Exchange
Al and Griff trade the shoe store's inventory for a massage chair.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Lez Be Friends
Al strikes up a friendship with Marcy's identical cousin.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Desperate Half-Hour (1), The
Bud's prison pen pal arrives to rob the Bundys.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Buried Treasure
Earl learns that the treasure he had stolen is no longer where he buried it.
TV-14
 

Tuesday, July 29

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
House Money
When Jennifer and Russell decide to teach Adam a lesson in responsibility, the joke is on them when Adam has the last laugh.
TV-14
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Kept a Guy Locked in a Truck
The man whom Earl once locked in a truck dies; Randy and Catalina look for an apartment together.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
How to Marry a Moron (2)
Al objects to Kelly marrying an armed robber, until he discovers that he's the heir to a family fortune.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Pilot
Al and Peg Bundy meet their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades. Peg informs Marcy how to train her new husband, while Al teaches Steve how to be a man again.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Father's Day Episode, The
Nick is disappointed when Frank crashes his Father's Day trip-until an elevator stoppage forces the men to have a meaningful heart-to-heart. Guest starring Ice Cube.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Trainer
Cora helps an overweight student with low self-esteem. Meanwhile Brown makes an exercise tape with the help of Derek.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Daddy Day Scare
C.J. is left to look after the twins during the big game. Ella gets in the way of Calvin's transition back home.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Little Romance, A
D.J. learns the ups and downs of romance while bachelors Joey and Jesse are auctioned off at a charity auction.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Community Action
Hilary meets a doctor while doing community service at a hospital.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Ill Will
Will must have his tonsils removed; with Milton Berle.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Eyes on the Prize
Needing a game-show partner, Will must choose between bickering friends.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Those Were the Days
Will emulates Philip and Vivian's activist friend.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Escape From Goochland
As Halloween approaches...Cleveland and his friends attended a rival high school's football game, only to find themselves stranded in enemy territory; Donna's sexy Halloween costume gets her into trouble with the police; Roberta and Junior dress up as Cleveland and Donna.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Menace II Secret Society
Cleveland discovers the existence of a secret hip hop society after Kenny West refuses to share credit for a hit song they wrote together; Junior starts his own polka band.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Dope and Faith
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Big Trouble in Little Langley
Francine's Chinese, adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents. When it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine. He has a new found appreciation of his in-laws.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Haylias
Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her during CIA summer camp visits when she was little. She listens to everything Stan says, but because it takes too long, reverts to a "mind clause" to kill her handler - Stan.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
42-Year-Old Virgin
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Tank Heaven
Doug deliberately offends Carrie's co-workers by showing them his chest hair.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Alter Ego
Doug, Deacon, Danny and Spence take an impulsive trip to Memphis to try and stop the wedding of Spence's ex-girlfriend (Rachel Dratch).
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Pediatrician, The
Emma's pediatrician drops her as a patient because of Rachel's constant calls.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Sharks, The
Monica fears Chandler has a sexual fetish involving sharks.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner, The
Famished Phoebe waits for tardy friends to arrive at her birthday dinner.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Male Nanny, The
Ross ridicules Rachel's choice of a male nanny (Freddie Prinze Jr.).
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Friar's Club, The
Jerry tries to join the Friars Club; a new co-worker causes more work for Elaine.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Wig Master, The
Jerry reconsiders buying a costly jacket by using Elaine's discount at the shop.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Calzone, The
George becomes his boss's pet when he shares a delicious calzone with him.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pilot
A woman's impending visit excites Jerry, until he learns she's getting married.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Justice League Recombination, The
The guys get Zack and Penny to join their Justice League costume for a New Year's Eve bash at the comic book store.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bus Pants Utilization, The
Their friendship becomes strained when Sheldon tries to take over Leonard's creation of a smartphone application that solves differential equations.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Love Car Displacement, The
Howard is jealous when Bernadette runs into her old boyfriend (Rick Fox) at a science event they're attending.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Thespian Catalyst, The
Sheldon wants acting lessons from Penny, hoping they will make him a better teacher.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Open Mic Night
When Steve wants to have an Open Mic night at the bar to get on the Hot List in The Pittsburgh Reader, Susan discovers she has a new talent -- and it involves making fun of Ok Cha. But when Open Mic night goes awry, Steve brings in Carol and Owen (and their inappropriate act) to save the day.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Benefactor Factor, The
After meeting at a fundraising gala, an aged, but wealthy, Caltech donor (Jessica Walter) makes Leonard ponder if he's willing to have sex with her to secure another donation.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4574
Guests: Steven Ho, Molly Shannon, Mike Recine.
TV-14
12:00 am
Sullivan & Son
Open Mic Night
When Steve wants to have an Open Mic night at the bar to get on the Hot List in The Pittsburgh Reader, Susan discovers she has a new talent -- and it involves making fun of Ok Cha. But when Open Mic night goes awry, Steve brings in Carol and Owen (and their inappropriate act) to save the day.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4574
Guests: Steven Ho, Molly Shannon, Mike Recine.
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Ben Franklin
Michael brings two adult performers into the office in honor of Phyllis' wedding shower; Karen confronts Pam about her past with Jim.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Angels in the Outfield
A foster child believes that his luck will change if his beloved California Angels can win the pennant. Meanwhile, the last-place team's manager is trying to turn the club around and save his job. He gets help from an angel named Al who miraculously leads the club to the playoffs.
TV-PG
4:00 am
Married With Children
Thinergy
Marcy enlightens Peggy with a new diet book called "Thinergy," a program which only works if both partners go through it together.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Sixteen Years and What Do You Get?
Al's credit card is maxed out when he tries to find a gift for Peggy on their anniversary.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
But I Didn't Shoot the Deputy
Steve and Marcy buy a huge watch dog which annoys Al with his constant barking. But when Peggy hears a noise in the night, Al accidentally shoots the dog.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Foreign Exchange Student
Earl flies a former foreign-exchange student, whom he used to torture, to America to show him all of the great things the country has to offer.
TV-14
 

Wednesday, July 30

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Sex Toy Story
When Jennifer and Audrey throw a "girls only" sex party, Jeff quickly gets insecure when he finds a "product" Audrey may have purchased. Meanwhile, Russell decides to ditch the single life for a moment when he overhears from an attractive woman that she has a preference for married men.
TV-14
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Blow
In preparing for her trial, Joy discovers that she has a half sister (Tamala Jones), who turns out to be her lifelong mortal enemy.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Have You Driven a Ford Lately?
Al and Steve buy a classic Mustang and become consumed in restoring back to mint condition.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Whose Room Is It Anyway?
The Rhoades get a tax refund and they decide to build a room, but can't decide on what kind of room to build, a pool room for Al or an exercise room for Peggy.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
My First Job Episode, The
Lindsey is thrilled to get her first job at Up and Down Burger, but when she gives out free food to failed NBA hopeful Terrel, she soon learns the consequences of stealing at the workplace.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Bird Brains
Social networking causes turmoil in Will and Sasha's household. Meanwhile Brown tries to find the lost pet of a neighbor to claim the reward.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Payneful Matrimony
Malik marries Summer. Calvin and Miranda have a hard time adjusting to living with Curtis and Ella.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Fogged In
The Tanner household becomes a virtual war zone when Jesse's feuding parents, Nick and Irene, are forced by a heavy fog to stay at the house during a fight.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Vying for Attention
Will dislikes his mother's new boyfriend; guest Raven-Symone.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Aunt Who Came to Dinner, The
An aunt pre-empts Will and Carlton's rendezvous with two French women.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Be My Baby Tonight
Ashley's curiosity about reproduction sends Will to a pregnancy counseling center.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Striptease for Two
Will and Carlton become male dancers to get Vivian's bracelet out of hock.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
General Thanksgiving Episode, A
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland opens a bar at the airport; Holt and his estranged father bond when Cleveland becomes trapped on a pilotless airplane.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Turkey Pot Die
As Thanksgiving approaches...Cleveland takes Junior to a turkey farm to pick out holiday dinner, but Junior concocts a plot to set the birds free; Donna and Rallo set to work building a Thanksgiving parade float.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Surro-Gate
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Most Adequate Christmas Ever, The
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Franny 911
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Tearjerker
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Icky Shuffle
When Carrie comes down with a cold, Arthur must find a new teammate for the senior center's shuffleboard tournament.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Awful Bigamy
When Holly is kicked out of her apartment, Arthur insists she stay with him until she can find someplace new to live.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Inappropriate Song, The
Chandler and Joey find a videotape while checking out Richard's apartment; Ross sings Emma an off-color lullaby.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Phone Number, The
Rachel impulsively gives her telephone number to a handsome guy but worries he will call when Ross is there.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Soap Opera Party, The
Ross invites an attractive paleontologist (Aisha Tyler) to a rooftop ``Days of Our Lives'' party being thrown by Joey.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Fertility Test, The
Monica and Chandler run into an old acquaintance when they secretly go to a fertility clinic; Ross helps Joey woo the same professor (Aisha Tyler) he wants to date.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Male Unbonding
Jerry finds ending a friendship harder than ending a romance.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stakeout, The
Jerry woos an ex-girlfriend's friend.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Robbery, The
Jerry's decision to move sets off a chain of events.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Stock Tip, The
George gives Jerry a bad stock-tip.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
No Meals on Wheels
The Griffins have a hard time attracting customers when they open a restaurant.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Boys Do Cry
When their church thinks Stewie is possessed by the devil, the family goes on the run and ends up in Texas.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cohabitation Formulation, The
Howard contemplates a serious decision in his relationship with Bernadette; and Leonard and Raj's sister start seeing each other again.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Toast Derivation, The
Sheldon is in a crisis when he realizes he's not the epicenter of the group, so he decides to find new friends.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Prestidigitation Approximation, The
Leonard has a tough choice to make when Priya asks him to stop spending time with Penny, forcing him to choose between the two women; and Howard keeps pestering Sheldon with a magic trick.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Zarnecki Incursion, The
The guys become sleuths to find out who hacked Sheldon's online-game account.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4575
Guests: Norm Macdonald, Mackenzie Davis, Veruca Salt.
TV-14
12:00 am
Way Out West
Way Out West 101
For some women it's shoes and for others it's purses, but for Brenda Bullock, pigs are the biggest temptation. Can Brenda control herself at the local pig auction or will husband Travis have to face even more additions to her rapidly expanding collection of tiny squealers Meanwhile, out in the wilderness, The Korrel brothers are forced to question their decision to team up with the unpredictable Yourens as an outfitting trip with paying clients is in danger of getting out of hand.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4575
Guests: Norm Macdonald, Mackenzie Davis, Veruca Salt.
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Business School
Ryan invites Michael to be a guest speaker at his business school; Dwight battles a bat that is loose in the office; Pam invites co-workers to her first art show.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Scary Movie 4
The ever-naïve Cindy Campbell, seeking a career in home healthcare, finds work with a creepy old lady in an even creepier old house haunted by a ghostly presence. Throw in a good-looking guy next door and the threat of aliens intent on global domination and Cindy's instantly up to the top of her extremely blond head in danger. Our fearless heroine catapults into action once again struggling to decipher ominous messages from the beyond, looking for love in some very weird places and trying to save the world from mass destruction. As she struggles to discover life-saving answers, Cindy encounters horrific plane crashes, bodacious blind girls, village idiots, disheveled rappers, kinky contraptions, psycho survivalists, alien sphincters and even Oprah!
TV-14
3:45 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
4:00 am
Married With Children
Al Loses His Cherry
An argument leads Al to Luke's bachelor pad, where he basks in the swingers life he had envisioned.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Peggy Sue Got Work
When Peggy asks Al for a VCR, Marcy suggests that she go to work and earn the money herself where she learns what having a job is all about...minimum wage.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Married ... Without Children
Al and Peg run away for the weekend and leave Bud and Kelly with the Rhoades, who've underestimated their intelligence.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Birthday Party, The
As he celebrates his birthday, Earl reflects on the items that he has crossed off his list in the past year.
TV-14
 

Thursday, July 31

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Flirting
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Guess Who's Coming Out of Joy
Earl remembers when Joy was pregnant with a child he thought was his, and he also recalls that his father (Beau Bridges) pushed him to stay with her.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Poker Game, The
Steve loses his paycheck in a poker game to Al and needs to get it back before Marcy finds out.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Where's the Boss?
Al can't seem to find Gary anywhere, which leads him to the conclusion that she's dead. He decides to go find another job.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Tiger Dad Episode, The
Nick becomes a more influential parent, so he pushes Kevin and Lindsey hard, and they become model children.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the White Lie
Renee is admitted to the hospital and she's the patient from hell. Meanwhile Derek becomes a role model to Joaquin who begins to emulate him.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
What You Know About Me
C.J. and Janine have a party and don't invite Curtis and Ella. Malik and Summer argue over an obscure anniversary.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Working Mothers
Danny and the girls panic when Joey and Jesse are offered full-time jobs at an advertising agency.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
Will returns from Philadelphia with a new look and a pager.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Will Gets Committed
Will and the Bankses do community service in a South Central Los Angeles neighborhood.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
That's No Lady, That's My Cousin
Will and Carlton's prep school goes coed; Ashley dresses outrageously.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Hilary Gets a Job
Hilary gets a job reporting weather on television.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Vas Deferens Between Men and Women, A
Complications ensue when Donna decides she wants another child; Rallo lands the lead role in a local production of the musical "Annie."
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
'Tis The Cleveland To Be Sorry
As Christmas approaches...Cleveland pretends to be homeless after discovering that food at a local shelter is better than the meals Donna prepares.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Oedipal Panties
When Stan's mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Widowmaker
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Office Spaceman
When the CIA initiates an Alien Task Force, a peculiar twist of fate puts Roger in charge of the task force in disguise, who marks Stan as an alien to protect his own identity. Meanwhile Francine comes to grips with being left-handed.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Sight Gag
Doug's gift to Carrie of corneal surgery results in her temporary blindness.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Walk, Man
In an effort to spend more time with Carrie, Doug hires someone to take Arthur for a walk three times a week.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Donor, The
Monica and Chandler interview unsuspecting candidates, hoping to find the right man to father their baby.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Barbados (Part 1), The
The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David (Hank Azaria) prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike (Paul Rudd) is not yet out of the picture.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One in Barbados (Part 2), The
The gang heads to Barbados for a paleontology convention where Ross is the keynote speaker; David (Hank Azaria) prepares to propose to Phoebe, but ex-boyfriend Mike (Paul Rudd) is not yet out of the picture.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The
In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Ex-Girlfriend, The
George puzzles over how to dump a domineering girlfriend.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Pony Remark, The
Jerry thinks his off-the-cuff remark killed a woman.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Busboy, The
A busboy loses his job and his cat because of George.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Baby Shower, The
Kramer persuades Jerry to get illegal cable service; guest Christine Dunford.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Sibling Rivalry
After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
It Takes A Village Idiot, And I Married One
Lois dumbs down her political views when she runs for mayor.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Herb Garden Germination, The
Sheldon and Amy decide to start rumors about themselves as a social test. Meanwhile, Howard takes his relationship with Bernadette to an even higher level.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Agreement Dissection, The
Priya uses her legal expertise to rip apart Sheldon's roommate agreement, and the women take the flustered Sheldon out dancing.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wildebeest Implementation, The
Raj makes an attempt to cure his phobia of talking to women; and Penny spies on Leonard and Priya with the help of Bernadette.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Engagement Reaction, The
Mrs. Wolowitz ends up in the hospital after Howard tells her he's marrying Bernadette. While there, Leonard stresses over Penny and Priya warming up to one another.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4578
Guests: Jane Fonda, Ramon Rodriguez, Twin Shadow
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Cocktails
Michael and Jan make their relationship public during a party; Jim meets Karen's ex; the staff goes to happy hour for drinks.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4578
Guests: Jane Fonda, Ramon Rodriguez, Twin Shadow
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Negotiation, The
Darryl meets with Michael to negotiate a pay increase; Jim deals with the consequences of Pam's confession to Roy.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Stuck on You
Bob and Walt Tenor are small-town legends who excel at sports, and who are the proud owners of a fast-food restaurant where their four hands work the grill at lightning speed. When the acting bug bites Walt, he convinces Bob to honor their childhood pact to never hold back the other, and the brothers head west for the bright lights of Hollywood. Bob and Walt make fast friends with their sexy neighbor, who helps Walt land a grizzled agent whose idea of a prime gig for Walt is a porn film. Things finally begin to look up for Walt when the boys encounter legendary diva--and Academy Award winning actress--Cher. Looking to sabotage her new television series, of which she wants no part, Cher casts Walt as her co-star. Instead of dooming the show, Walt propels it to the top of the ratings, and the brothers became instant celebrities. But their real adventure is only beginning, as Bob finds romance with a longtime cyber-pal, and the brothers make a decision that will forever change their lives. Whatever happens to the boys, one thing is certain: nothing will ever come between them.
TV-14
4:30 am
Married With Children
Nightmare on Al's Street
Marcy has dreams about Al while Steve is on a business trip, leading her to ask Peggy for help.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Johnny B. Gone
Al and Peggy have tickets to attend the final night of their favorite hamburger joint. But when family problems get in the way, Al may miss out on the historical night.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Harassed a Reporter
While trying to separate himself from Earl, Randy realizes the power of karma and the media.
TV-14
 

Friday, August 1

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Snoozin' for a Bruisin'
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Two Balls, Two Strikes
Little Chubby (Norm MacDonald) comes to town to take over the family business after the death of his father.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Buck Can Do It
Buck mates another dog, making the owner of the dog so angry that he sues Al.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Poppy's By the Tree (1)
The Bundys are at a hotel in Florida, only to find that an ax murderer lives there.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Expensive Purse Episode, The
After balking at the high price of a purse Suzanne loves, Nick thinks again and tries to buy it as a gift - but Suzanne has already secretly bought the last purse for herself.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Celebrity
Brown, Derek and Renee try to get a photo of a celebrity's newborn. Meanwhile Will finds weed and thinks it's Christopher's, who takes the blame to keep Brianna out of trouble.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Not in the Cards
Curtis gets sucked in when Floyd hosts a casino night at the Help Center. Jazmine gets in trouble for talking in class.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Little Shop of Sweaters
D.J. and Stephanie become worried when they can't find enough money to replace a damaged Valentine's Day gift sweater. Meanwhile, Jesse has his first serious date with Rebecca, and Joey attends a Valentine's Day ball dressed as Popeye.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Mama's Baby, Carlton's Maybe
An ex-girlfriend claims Carlton fathered her child.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
P. S. I Love You
Will feels guilty accepting gifts from a plain girl.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Here Comes the Judge
Will gets arrested for numerous parking tickets as Phil runs for judge.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Boyz in the Woods
Snow traps campers Will, Uncle Phil and Carlton.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Hustle 'N Bros
Cleveland is shocked when Freight Train adopts Donna's ex-husband, Robert; Junior and Rallo track down lost dogs and use the reward money to pay a debt they owe Donna.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Wide World Of The Cleveland Show, The
As Cleveland and his family travel the world...in Italy, Cleveland must choose between Junior and Rallo to run "the family business;" in Mexico, Junior insists on having a Quinceanera, even though it's for girls; in Japan, Cleveland builds a robot to attend Junior's eating competition.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
After officially being declared dead do to an accident, Stan comes back to life and realizes he dreams of leaving a legacy on the world. He excavates his home in search of Ollie Norths Contra-band buried treasure.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Spring Break-Up
With Francine gone to visit her parents, Roger holds a Spring Break blowout at the Smith house. During the festivities, Stan falls for a "Spring Break Buddy" and Steve is on the verge of losing his virginity.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
1600 Candles
In this Emmy nominated episode, the Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains by having experimental medicine injected into Steve's head.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
One That Got Away, The
Roger discovers that one of his personas has taken on a life of his own. Back at home, the Smith family becomes addicted to the 1970s electronic game "Simon."
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Friender Bender
Doug hits and damages Deacon and Kelly's car.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Mean Streak
Doug tries to break the company record for the largest number of consecutive deliveries.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Is Fine, The
Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. (Giovanni Ribisi) cannot cope with his precocious triplets.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend (Jennifer Coolidge) with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister (Christina Applegate) to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Jacket, The
Jerry loves an expensive suede jacket until he buys it.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Chinese Restaurant, The
Jerry, Elaine and George need reservations at a Chinese restaurant.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Phone Message, The
George regrets a nasty message he put on a date's answering machine.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Apartment, The
Jerry regrets encouraging Elaine to move into his building.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Meet the Quagmires
Death allows Peter to go back in time for a night so he can sow his wild oats.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (SAP)
Blue Harvest Part 1 & 2
After a power outage in Quahog, Peter Griffin tells his family the greatest story every told, "Star Wars IV: A New Hope". "Family Guy" parodies the tale of Luke Skywalker (Chris Griffin) on his path to aid the rebellion. Along with his companions, R2D2 (Cleveland), C-3PO (Quagmire), Han Solo (Peter), Chewbacca (Brian), and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert), Luke infiltrates the Death Star to rescue Princess Leia (Lois) from the clutches of Darth Vader (Stewie). After a daring escape, the rebellion attacks and eventually destroys the Death Star.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Moving Out
When Brian starts to show his age, the Griffins decide to get a new dog.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie
Something Borrowed
Rachel is a talented attorney at a top New York law firm, a generous and loyal friend and, unhappily, still single as her engaged best friend Darcy is constantly reminding her. But after one drink too many at her 30th birthday party, perpetual good girl Rachel unexpectedly ends up in bed with the guy she's had a crush on since law school, Dex, who just happens to be Darcy's fiancé. When Rachel and Darcy's lifelong friendship collides with true love, it leads to unexpected complications and potentially explosive romantic revelations. Meanwhile, Ethan, who has been Rachel's constant confidante and sometimes conscience, has been harboring a secret of his own, and Marcus, an irrepressible womanizer, can't keep his mind out of the gutter or his hands off any girl within reach.
TV-14
2:30 am
Movie
Notting Hill
William Thacker is a shy London bookseller who has never had much luck with women. When Hollywood star Anna Scott wanders into his shop, he is transfixed, but doesn't expect to see her again. But coincidence brings them together again, and soon the unlikely couple are falling in love, and must deal with the problems of a relationship between a star and an ordinary guy.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Jeff Foxworthy Show, The
Clan of the Bare Caves
As he fights to save his business, Jeff discovers his sister-in-law won't be leaving anytime soon.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
G.E.D.
Earl studies to get his GED after being rejected for a credit card.
TV-14
 

Saturday, August 2

6:00 am
Married With Children
Poppy's By the Tree (2)
Peg gets kidnapped! Can Al get her back
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
If I Were a Rich Man
Al and Steve find out about 1 million dollars missing from the bank and the other Bundys think they have it.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
8:00 am
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
You Can't Fight Fire
While in Vegas for the debut of CeeLo's big stage show, CeeLo and Gipp go to an animal refuge to find a tiger for CeeLo to ride. Meanwhile, Larry rides CeeLo about his diet, and T-Mo and Khujo take a joy ride.
TV-14
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
All Work and No Play
Calvin and Miranda may be able to move out. meanwhile, Jazmine goes to work with C.J. and Janine.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the California Dreamer
Cora is upset when Reggie decides to stay in California. Menawhile Brown is the only one brave enough to teach Brianna to drive.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Are We There Yet ?
Master of Ceremonies Episode, The
While hosting an awards ceremony, Nick gets laughs by making Suzanne the butt of his jokes, but finds he can't stand the heat when Suzanne starts making fun of him in public.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Notting Hill
William Thacker is a shy London bookseller who has never had much luck with women. When Hollywood star Anna Scott wanders into his shop, he is transfixed, but doesn't expect to see her again. But coincidence brings them together again, and soon the unlikely couple are falling in love, and must deal with the problems of a relationship between a star and an ordinary guy.
TV-PG
12:30 pm
Movie
Something Borrowed
Rachel is a talented attorney at a top New York law firm, a generous and loyal friend and, unhappily, still single as her engaged best friend Darcy is constantly reminding her. But after one drink too many at her 30th birthday party, perpetual good girl Rachel unexpectedly ends up in bed with the guy she's had a crush on since law school, Dex, who just happens to be Darcy's fiancé. When Rachel and Darcy's lifelong friendship collides with true love, it leads to unexpected complications and potentially explosive romantic revelations. Meanwhile, Ethan, who has been Rachel's constant confidante and sometimes conscience, has been harboring a secret of his own, and Marcus, an irrepressible womanizer, can't keep his mind out of the gutter or his hands off any girl within reach.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend (Greg Kinnear) for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Home Study, The
Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker (Maria Pitillo); Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Birth Mother, The
A prospective birth mother (Anna Faris) labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The
Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
No Retreat
Doug goes with Carrie on her company retreat while Arthur is left to fend for himself at home.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Oxy Moron
Doug tries to prove to Carrie that he would risk himself to save her.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Model, The
After a modeling agent tells Robert he has a unique look, he convinces him to pose for head shots with their "in-house" photographer. But when Robert and Ray return for the pictures, they are surprised to find the modeling agency has mysteriously disappeared.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Mentor, The
A young man, Sam Gilula, explains Frank has been a mentor to him, much to Ray and Robert's disbelief.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Golf For It
Robert and Ray end up with the mother of all guilt trips when they decide not to help Marie with a home project so they can land a prime spot on the golf course.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Home, The
Frank and Marie return from a trip down to a retirement home in New Jersey and they tell the family that they plan on moving there. On they day of their moving, however, Debra reveals some mixed feelings about their moving.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Roommate Transmogrification, The
In the 4th season finale, Raj moves in with Sheldon when Leonard & Priya's "Star Trek" bedroom fantasy is too much for him; and the guys tease Howard when Bernadette gets her PHD, making Howard the only one without a doctorate.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Skank Reflex Analysis, The
On the fifth season premiere, Penny worries that she's screwed things up permanently with her friends after her night with Raj, while Sheldon takes command of the paintball team.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Infestation Hypothesis, The
A battle of wills between Sheldon and Penny leaves Amy caught in the middle, while Leonard tries to spice up his long-distance relationship with Priya (AARTI MANN).
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Pulled Groin Extrapolation, The
Attending a co-worker's wedding, Leonard and Amy (MAYIM BIALIK) get to know each other better, while Howard and Bernadette spend the weekend with Mrs. Wolowitz!
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Wiggly Finger Catalyst, The
When Raj is upset he's the only one of the four guys who's not in a relationship, Penny sets out to find the perfect date, introducing him to Emily, a girl he can actually talk to!
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Rhinitis Revelation, The
Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Open Mic Night
When Steve wants to have an Open Mic night at the bar to get on the Hot List in The Pittsburgh Reader, Susan discovers she has a new talent -- and it involves making fun of Ok Cha. But when Open Mic night goes awry, Steve brings in Carol and Owen (and their inappropriate act) to save the day.
TV-14
11:30 pm
CeeLo Green's The Good Life
You Can't Fight Fire
While in Vegas for the debut of CeeLo's big stage show, CeeLo and Gipp go to an animal refuge to find a tiger for CeeLo to ride. Meanwhile, Larry rides CeeLo about his diet, and T-Mo and Khujo take a joy ride.
TV-14
12:00 am
Funniest Wins
Tough Crowd
With help from Marlon Wayans and guest mentor David Alan Grier, the comics do funny interviews with people on the street. Later, Deon Cole and Marlon coach the remaining comedians as they develop stand-up routines to present for a hundred burly bikers who will help determine who stays in the competition.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Hitch
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City "date doctor" who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra''s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan''s most famous date doctor.
TV-14
3:30 am
Movie
Just Married
Tom is a sports announcer who comes from blue collar roots. Sarah is a writer whose family is as wealthy as it is snobbish. Much to her family''s--and ex-boyfriend''s--horror, Sarah and Tom fall in love and get married. Following their wedding, Tom and Sarah set off for what they expect to be the perfect honeymoon; however, thanks to her conspiring family and vindictive ex, the happy couple experiences the honeymoon from hell.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
For Whom the Bell Tolls
The phone line to the Bundys get cut off after Al refuses to pay the bill.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, August 3

6:00 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (1)
Marcy and Peggy go to a strip club, but Marcy ends up losing her ring in a very uncomfortable space...
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (2)
The men take action over Peg and Marcy, just to make them feel bad about what happened.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Sullivan & Son
Open Mic Night
When Steve wants to have an Open Mic night at the bar to get on the Hot List in The Pittsburgh Reader, Susan discovers she has a new talent -- and it involves making fun of Ok Cha. But when Open Mic night goes awry, Steve brings in Carol and Owen (and their inappropriate act) to save the day.
TV-14
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Stripper Cries, The
Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on ``$100,000 Pyramid''; Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper (Danny DeVito) for Phoebe's bachelorette party.
TV-14
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One With Phoebe's Wedding, The
A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Speaks French, The
Monica and Chandler show Erica (Anna Faris) the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character; Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Movie
Just Married
Tom is a sports announcer who comes from blue collar roots. Sarah is a writer whose family is as wealthy as it is snobbish. Much to her family''s--and ex-boyfriend''s--horror, Sarah and Tom fall in love and get married. Following their wedding, Tom and Sarah set off for what they expect to be the perfect honeymoon; however, thanks to her conspiring family and vindictive ex, the happy couple experiences the honeymoon from hell.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie
Stuck on You
Bob and Walt Tenor are small-town legends who excel at sports, and who are the proud owners of a fast-food restaurant where their four hands work the grill at lightning speed. When the acting bug bites Walt, he convinces Bob to honor their childhood pact to never hold back the other, and the brothers head west for the bright lights of Hollywood. Bob and Walt make fast friends with their sexy neighbor, who helps Walt land a grizzled agent whose idea of a prime gig for Walt is a porn film. Things finally begin to look up for Walt when the boys encounter legendary diva--and Academy Award winning actress--Cher. Looking to sabotage her new television series, of which she wants no part, Cher casts Walt as her co-star. Instead of dooming the show, Walt propels it to the top of the ratings, and the brothers became instant celebrities. But their real adventure is only beginning, as Bob finds romance with a longtime cyber-pal, and the brothers make a decision that will forever change their lives. Whatever happens to the boys, one thing is certain: nothing will ever come between them.
TV-14
1:30 pm
MLB on tbs (CC)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim @ Tampa Bay Rays
4:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Taste Buds
After Arthur chooses their dinner and movie, Doug stews about not getting his way.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Dog Shelter
Carrie learns Doug's parents have been sheltering him by replacing his beloved dog with look-alikes.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hitch
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City "date doctor" who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra''s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan''s most famous date doctor.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Help, The
At the dawn of the civil rights movement, three Mississippi women are about to take one extraordinary step. Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss, and her mother won't be happy until she finds a husband. Aibileen, a wise African-American maid and caretaker, suffers after the loss of her own child. And Minny, Aibileen's sassy best friend, struggles to find and hold a job. Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Help, The
At the dawn of the civil rights movement, three Mississippi women are about to take one extraordinary step. Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss, and her mother won't be happy until she finds a husband. Aibileen, a wise African-American maid and caretaker, suffers after the loss of her own child. And Minny, Aibileen's sassy best friend, struggles to find and hold a job. Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk.
TV-14
2:01 am
Movie (DVS)
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Celebrity photographer Connor Mead loves freedom, fun and women - in that order. A committed bachelor with a no-strings policy, he thinks nothing of breaking up with multiple women on a conference call while prepping his next date. Connor''s brother Paul is more the romantic type. In fact, he''s about to be married. Unfortunately, on the eve of the big event, Connor''s mockery of romance proves a real buzz-kill for Paul, the wedding party and a houseful of well wishers - including Connor''s childhood friend Jenny, the one woman in his life who has always seemed immune to his considerable charm. Just when it looks like Connor may single-handedly ruin the wedding, he gets a wake-up call from the ghost of his late Uncle Wayne, the hard-partying, legendary ladies man upon whose exploits Connor has modeled his lifestyle. Uncle Wayne has an urgent message for his protege, which he delivers through the ghosts of Connor''s jilted girlfriends - past, present and future - who take him on a revealing and hilarious odyssey through a lifetime of failed relationships. Together, they will discover what turned Connor into such a shameless player and whether he has a second chance to find - and this time, keep - the love of his life.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Born to Walk
Al needs to renew his license, but fails the test. Kelly, on the other hand, gets her license on the same day.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Alley of the Dolls
When Peggy's old high school rival challenges her to a family bowl-off, Peggy is determined to win - with the help of an "adopted" Bundy, ringer Steve Rhoades.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Razor's Edge, The
When Steve returns from a river rafting trip, Marcy refuses to let him back into the house until he shaves his newly-grown beard, and he's forced to seek refuge with the Bundys.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
How Do You Spell Revenge?
Al is too busy scheming to get Peggy thrown off their neighbor-hood baseball team to notice that Kelly is about to be tattooed with the name of her latest boyfriend.
TV-PG
 

Monday, August 4

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Atlantic City
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Get a Real Job
Earl gets a job as a salesman at an appliance store; Joy makes an irrational decision when the dread of the upcoming trial gets to her.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Earth Angel
When Bud brings a beautiful, homeless young woman to stay with the Bundys, Al and the rest of the neighborhood guys begin acting like sex-crazed teenagers.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
You Better Watch Out
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Control Issue Episode, The
When Nick points out that Suzanne has issues letting go of controlling everything, Suzanne lets everything go. The family realizes they need Suzanne's controlling ways to run a successful household.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Not-So-Funny Valentine
The guys decide to boycott Valentine's day until they realize the girls have something special planned. Meanwhile Brown thinks Renee has a crush on him.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Sadly Mistaken
Calvin throws a party while the family is out of town. The firefighters help Calvin.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Pal Joey
Danny feels increasingly abandoned as his best friend, Joey, and his brother-in-law, Jesse, become closer.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Night at the Oprah, A
Will airs family dirty laundry on "The Oprah Winfrey Show.''
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Asses to Ashes
Will defends Phil against the charges of a sleazy rival candidate (Sherman Hemsley).
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Funny Thing Happened on the Way from the Forum, A
Will helps a pregnant sportscaster (Vanessa Williams) deliver.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Cold War, The
Will dates Carlton's ex-girlfriend.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Here Comes The Bribe
A marriage counselor tells Cleveland he can skew counseling sessions with Donna in his favor, provided he receives compensation; Junior's favorite refrigerator breaks.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
When a Man (Or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie
When Freight Train misses their anniversary, Cookie runs off with musician George Clinton; Junior's visit to an office supply store triggers an elaborate fantasy.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
One Little Word
When Stan becomes his boss' new advisor, he feels like he can't say no to anything, not even outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets involved in the situation and his annoying "yes-man" antics ruin her Valentine's Day vacation, she does everything in her power to force him to say "no".
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed, and that she seemed to settle for Stan before learning her former fiancé was still alive. He and Roger try to track the man down, while Francine must choose between her husband or her lost love.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Escape from Pearl Bailey
Steve plots revenge against Lisa Silver and the cool kids after Debbie loses her bid to become Student Council president. But when the cool kids stage a counterattack, will Steve and his friends survive
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Pulling Double Booty
Hayley's boyfriend, Jeff, breaks up with her and Hayley, after going on a short rampage through the mall after the break up, falls for Stan's body double, Bill, from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve get their first summer job at a Chinese chicken hatchery.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Ticker Treat
Doug's Halloween decorations frighten Arthur into a minor heart attack.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Lyin' Hearted
Doug encounters one of his delivery customers while accompanying Arthur to the hospital.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Estelle Dies, The
Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer; Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With Rachel's Going Away Party
One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One (Part 1), The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One (Part 2), The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stranded, The
Waiting for a ride, Jerry and Elaine keep a party's host up late.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Statue, The
Jerry thinks a friend stole his statue, but doesn't know how to get it back.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Heart Attack, The
George thinks he's having a heart attack.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Revenge, The
George seeks revenge on his ex-boss for not rehiring him.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Believe It or Not Joe's Walking on Air
Doctor Hartman performs a leg transplant on Joe, giving him the ability to walk. With his newly acquired mobility, the once crippled police officer also gains a new, more aggressive personality. Joe starts hanging with a different group of guys, but after ditching Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire, his former drinking buddies attempt to get their friend back by paralyzing him once again.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Stewie Kills Lois
Lois and Peter sail off on a cruise. Jealous that he was left behind, Stewie's matricidal tendencies are rekindled. When Brian challenges him to actually do it, Stewie carries out his diabolical plan.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Lois Kills Stewie
Lois and Peter sail off on a cruise. Jealous that he was left behind, Stewie's matricidal tendencies are rekindled.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Padre de Familia
Peter discovers that he is not an American citizen, but actually a Mexican immigrant.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Russian Rocket Reaction, The
Sheldon and Leonard get invited to a housewarming party at WIL WHEATON's house; while Howard gets an out-of-this-world opportunity!
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Good Guy Fluctuation, The
Sheldon tries to spook his friends on Halloween.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4601
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Safety Training
Andy returns from anger-management classes, planning to make a fresh start with his co-workers; Michael and Dwight try to illustrate the dangers of the workplace.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4601
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Product Recall
The staff goes into crisis mode after a shipment of paper goes out with an obscene watermark; Michael holds an impromptu press conference; Jim and Andy handle harried clients who used the paper.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Limitless
Aspiring author Eddie Morra is suffering from chronic writer's block, but his life changes instantly when an old friend introduces him to NZT, a revolutionary new pharmaceutical that allows him to tap his full potential. With every synapse crackling, Eddie can recall everything he has ever read, seen or heard, learn any language in a day, comprehend complex equations and beguile anyone he meets-as long as he keeps taking the untested drug. Soon Eddie takes Wall Street by storm, parlaying a small stake into millions. His accomplishments catch the eye of mega-mogul Carl Van Loon, who invites him to help broker the largest merger in corporate history. But they also bring Eddie to the attention of people willing to do anything to get their hands on his stash of NZT. With his life in jeopardy and the drug's brutal side effects taking their toll, Eddie dodges mysterious stalkers, a vicious gangster and an intense police investigation as he attempts to hang on to his dwindling supply long enough to outwit his enemies.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Guys and Dolls
When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Build a Better Mousetrap
Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Master the Possibilities
When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample "the good life" and embark on a wild spending spree.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Trial, The
With a new, unlikely love interest, Earl is on the road to maturity; Earl commits the ultimate good deed to help Joy as her trial arrives.
TV-14
 

Tuesday, August 5

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Ghost Story
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Part 1
Earl attempts to become "invisible" in order to survive in prison; Joy teaches Randy how to think for himself now that Earl is in jail.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words - I love you.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Great Escape, The
When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Ghost Dog Episode, The
The entire family plays pranks on one another, to the chagrin of Suzanne. But when the family ignores Nick's choking because they think it's another prank, Nick has a near-death experience and embraces his Zen side.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Forgiveness
Colonel meets the son of a man he fought with in the war. Meanwhile Brown sees Dr. Jawfy for a checkup.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
And Justice for All
Malik meets someone on the Internet, who turns out to be a pedophile. Curtis and Claretha have jury duty together.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
Baby Love
Michelle becomes very upset when her best friend and boyfriend, Howie, moves away.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Mommy Nearest
Will's mother (Vernee Watson-Johnson) wants to bring him home to Philadelphia.
TV-G
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Winner Takes Off
Will and Carlton trick Geoffrey into thinking he won the lottery.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Robbing the Banks
The house is robbed after Philip hires an ex-convict handyman.
TV-G
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Bundle of Joy
The clan fantasizes about life with the new baby.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Pins, Spins and Fins
When Donna discovers a rat loose in the house, she immediately moves herself and the kids in with her mother, Dee Dee (guest voice Phylicia Rashad), leaving Cleveland home alone to hunt down the rodent. Cleveland takes advantage of having the house to himself and soon bonds with his new pet and best friend "Rat Lauer." Meanwhile Rallo and Jr. pretend they're spies, but things get out of hand when Junior won't reveal what's in his secret briefcase.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Brownsized
Cleveland accepts Mr. Waterman's offer to quit his job and receive six months severance pay. There's only one catch: figuring out a way to tell Donna. Rallo finds a new beau for Robert after Federline forgets about their anniversary.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Phantom of the Telethon
Stan hosts a CIA telethon to raise a million dollars for their torture programs. Meanwhile, an angry Roger works to sabotage the event. When Roger releases a terrorist at the telethon, Stan must find a way to meet the telethon's goal before everyone is blown up.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Chimdale
Roger, Francine, Hayley, and Klaus head off to the Chimdale Spa for a week of relaxation, but instead are hounded by nosey hotel detective, Ron Turlington. Back at home, Steve discovers that Stan is bald. Betrayed by Stan's deception, Steve steals Stan's wig and sneaks off to Chimdale to tell the family the truth.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Stan Time
Fed up with the lack of time to himself, Stan starts taking experimental CIA pills that allow him to remain fully awake 24/7. Using his newfound "Stan Time," Stan enters the world of competitive classic videogaming. When Francine discovers Stan's pills, she starts off on her own career. As Stan and Francine begin to drift apart, Stan must decide what's more important - "Stan Time" or family time Meanwhile, Steve and Roger write a movie together.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Family Affair
Roger is on the outs with Stan and the family when they discover he has been seeing other families behind their back. Before they can truly forgive him, Roger must overcome his family infidelity. Meanwhile, Klaus buys everyone tickets to see his favorite band.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Depo Man
Carrie asks Doug to be an expert witness at her boss's trial.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Life Sentence
Doug sets up a camera in the basement to monitor Arthur.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
Pilot
Six friends in their twenties pursue careers, love and happiness in New York City while relying on each other for support.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Sonogram, The
Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents (ELLIOTT GOULD and CHRISTINA PICKLES) is a disaster.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Thumb, The
The group loves Monica's new boyfriend; Chandler resumes smoking; and Phoebe receives a large sum of money unexpectedly.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With George Stephanopoulos, The
While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Deal, The
Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Keys, The
Kramer visits too much, so Jerry asks for his spare key back.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part I)
Jerry and George search for Kramer in Los Angeles; George Wendt; Corbin Bernsen; Elmarie Wendel.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Trip, The (Part 2)
Jerry and George try to save Kramer from a serial-murder accusation; guest Clint Howard.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Isolation Permutation, The
Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Ornithophobia Diffusion, The
Sheldon must overcome his fear of birds.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Flaming Spittoon Acquisition, The
Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Speckerman Recurrance, The
Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Sullivan & Son
Hank Goes Black
Opposites attract when Roy's mom (Loretta Devine) moves back to town, and she starts dating Hank. Meanwhile, a girl gets in the way of Owen and Ahmed's friendship.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Shiny Trinket Maneuver, The
Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4602
TV-14
12:00 am
Sullivan & Son
Hank Goes Black
Opposites attract when Roy's mom (Loretta Devine) moves back to town, and she starts dating Hank. Meanwhile, a girl gets in the way of Owen and Ahmed's friendship.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4602
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Women's Appreciation
Outrage breaks out in the office when Phyllis gets an eyeful from a flasher; Dwight and Andy work on catching the predator.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Duplicity
CIA officer Claire Stenwick and MI6 agent Ray Koval have left the world of government intelligence to cash in on the highly profitable cold war raging between two rival multinational corporations. Their mission? Secure the formula for a product that will bring a fortune to the company that patents it first. For their employers--industry titan Howard Tully and buccaneer CEO Dick Garsik--nothing is out of bounds. But as the stakes rise, the mystery deepens and the tactics get dirtier, the trickiest secret for Claire and Ray is their growing attraction. And as they each try to stay one double-cross ahead, two career loners find their schemes endangered by the only thing they can't cheat their way out of: love.
TV-14
4:30 am
Married With Children
Impo-Dent
When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Just Married ... with Children
Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on the game show "How Do I Love Thee" - with shocking results.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Part 2
Earl begins his prison sentence. Meanwhile, Joy tries to repay Earl by taking care of Randy, who is struggling to adjust, and a prison bully is looking for Earl.
TV-14
 

Wednesday, August 6

6:00 am
Rules of Engagement
Four Pillars, The
TV-PG
6:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Gangs of Camden County, The
The warden offers Earl a month off his sentence if he can negotiate a truce between the African-American gang and the Latino gang. But during the negotiations, he learns that the the two leaders are actually in love.
TV-14
7:00 am
Married With Children
Father Lode
Al finally comes into some money at the track, but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings - he's too busy hiding the loot from his family.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
All in the Family
Al is less than thrilled when Peggy announces her family is coming for a visit - all six of them.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Are We There Yet ?
Lemon Squeeze Episode, The
When the family's morning routine devolves into fighting, Gigi suggests that they try an old sorority exercise called "the Lemon Squeeze," in order to turn the lemons of their issues into the lemonade of peaceful cohabitation.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Meet the Lay Off
A cut on the school budget forces Gordon to have to lay off Brown or Cora. Meanwhile Sasha regifts to Renee.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
I Got the Hook Up
C.J. is having dating dilemmas and Curtis motivates the other firefghters to help C.J. by offering a paid day off as incentive for anyone who gets him a date. Ella and Claretha befriend an HIV+ woman, Karen, who is volunteering at the Help Center.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Full House
El Problemo Grande de D.J.
D.J. is shocked when she sees how her father, Danny, behaves toward her Spanish teacher after D.J. comes home with a poor report card.
TV-G
10:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Best Laid Plans, The
Will tries to dupe a girl (Kim Fields) into intimacy.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Alma Mater, The
Princeton accepts Will but rejects Carlton; guest Tom Jones.
TV-G
11:00 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Just Say Yo
A classmate gives tired Will amphetamines, which Carlton unwittingly takes.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Fresh Prince of Bel Air (SAP)
Baby Comes Out, The
With Vivian a week overdue, sympathy pains hospitalize Phil.
TV-G
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Rodent Like This, A
When a rat is discovered in the Brown home, Donna and the kids move out, leaving Cleveland to deal with the problem. But Cleveland discovers he likes living by himself and forms a friendship with the whiskered pest.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Hangover Part Tubbs, The
Donna campaigns to be elected to the school board; Cleveland accidentally "kills" an opponent while playing "the Hurt Locker game;" Junior realizes he's an excellent driver.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Live and Let Fry
Stan turns to smuggling when trans fat is banned from Langley Falls. But when Inspector Turlington of the Langley Falls police becomes suspicious of Stan, Stan recruits Steve into his illegal enterprise. Now Steve must find a way to keep the trans fat flowing while under Turlington's watch. Meanwhile, Roger helps Klaus claim an inheritance.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Roy Rodgers McFreely
After term limits force Stan out of his position as president of the HOA, Roger steps in as the new leader under the guise of one Roy Rogers McFreely. Roger uses his power to pass new resolutions and by-laws solely to anger Stan, who earlier refused to buy Roger grenadine. Stan teams up with Hayley and plots to have Roger removed from office.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Jack's Back
When Stan's con-man dad Jack resurfaces in prison awaiting trial for a crime did not commit, Steve gets Stan to let Jack stay with them under house arrest. Steve uses the chance to reconcile the two, but Stan is convinced that Jack is just using them to escape prison. Meanwhile, Hayley interns at Roger's attic bar.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad
Bar Mitzvah Shuffle
When snobby rich kid Etan steals Steve's girlfriend Debbie, Steve concocts a scheme to get revenge. Aided by Roger, Toshi, and Barry, Steve plots to rob Etan's Bar Mitzvah and get back his girlfriend. But when the plan goes awry and Snot takes the blame, Steve must decide whether to tell the truth and clear Snot's name or remain silent and get back Debbie. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch an idea to a cell phone company.
TV-14
3:00 pm
King of Queens, The
Veiled Threat
A flashback shows Doug and Carrie's wedding day.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
King of Queens, The
Double Downer
Doug spoils Carrie's plans for a romantic weekend when he organizes an outing to Atlantic City -- and his boss ends up joining them.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the East German Laundry Detergent, The
While Phoebe and Chandler end their respective romantic relationships, Rachel and Ross do laundry together on their first date.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Butt, The
Joey gets a film role as a stand-in for Al Pacino's butt. Ross tries to be less conservative. Chandler has an affair with a married woman (SOFIA MILOS).
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One With the Blackout, The
A citywide power outage leaves Chandler stranded in the vestibule for an automatic banking machine with gorgeous model JILL CONNICK. Ross tries to ask Rachel out on a date. Joey learns that Monica used to be infatuated with him.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Nana Dies Twice, The
Monica and Ross reminisce about their dying grandmother.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pitch, The (Part 1)
Network executives ask Jerry to create a show; Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive; guest Heidi Swedberg.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Ticket, The (Part 2)
Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer; George woos an executive.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wallet, The (Part I)
Jerry tries to explain the absence of a watch his parents gave him.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Watch, The (Part 2)
Jerry tries to buy back a discarded watch, a gift from his parents.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter's Daughter
Meg is admitted to the Hospital due to a severe accident, and Peter vowes to treat her better than he ever has before.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
McStroke
After growing a moustache and then losing it in a fire at McBurgertown, Peter is given a years worth of hamburgers for free. He eats thirty burgers and in turn, he has a stroke, paralyzing the left half of his body. Meanwhile, Stewie makes a bet with Brian that he can become the most popular kid at Meg's school in a week. Using a few catchphrases to the popular kids, he's in.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Recombination Hypothesis, The
Everything might change when Leonard offers Penny a spur of the moment invitation to a romantic dinner for two on the 100th episode of the series.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Beta Test Initiation, The
Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Contraction, The
Sheldon's selfish demands force Leonard to reconsider their friendship. Meanwhile, Howard tries to pick his astronaut nickname. NASA astronaut MIKE MASSIMINO guest stars.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Vacation Solution, The
When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 4603
TV-14
12:00 am
Office, The (SAP)
Beach Games
Michael must recommend his own replacement when the company considers him for a corporate position; Pam must watch Jim and Karen have fun together at a company outing.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 4603
TV-14
1:30 am
Office, The (SAP)
Job Part 1, The
Michael, Jim and Karen go to New York to be interviewed for a job opening; in Scranton, the new regime institutes sweeping reforms; Jan comes in with exciting news.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Bank Job, The
True story of a 1970's London bank heist with major political ramifications. A group of burglars tunnel through to the basement of a bank, but the tunnel almost collapses on them. Their communications with one another, via walkie-talkies and ham radios, are overheard and the police are notified. The police respond but don't find the robbers because they fail to look in the basement. The robbers steal the contents of the safety deposit boxes which contain compromising photographs and other evidence of wrong-doing by major politicians and business people. Before they can escape, however, their getaway car is stolen and the replacement truck gets stuck in the tunnel until a little boy, passing by the tunnel entrance, suggests that they let the air out of the tires and this helps them escape. After their escape they are tracked by the police as well as the powerful people they have inadvertently robbed.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Camping Show (aka A Period Piece), The
Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
He Thought He Could
When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
I'm Going to Sweatland
Al is up to his armpits in rock `n' roll fanatics after Peggy "sees" an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.
TV-PG
5:30 am
My Name is Earl (SAP)
Frank Factor, The
Earl runs into his old roommate Frank, who is in prison for a bank robbery that Earl and Randy were supposed to help with. However, Earl missed the robbery at the last minute because he married Joy the night before.
TV-14